I've never noticed how lacking in detail (especially lights) the view from behind The Executor tower is before.
The glow from the side view of the model suggests a giant city in motion but from that view it looks like the warehouse in Raiders with all the lights switched off.
Rough mockup scribble over Angel's lovely work :
Love the mockup of the blimp attack (I think I mentioned that in my second ever post here and my first on this thread).
How many pickle shaped ships are there in fleet?
It might be a nice homage to try and replicate the storyboard as closely as possible (it's almost there as it is).
I think most of the fire is coming from the ships to the surface in the storyboard but in your mockup it seems to be coming mostly the other way.