DarthBo said:

Good job SSWR!
I still can't stand the post-transformation Palpatine, though.
The ridiculous "demonic" voice, "a good sith you will become"... bwuh

Couldn't you cut all his lines after "you are fulfilling your destiny"?

Seeing as the voice is already screwed up it might be possible to re-record it in a less dopey fashion and distort it in a way where it sounds plausible like JasonN's Phantom Sidious.

Perhaps if we employed a behind the scenes explanation that he is trying to get his Force mask back on but has pulled a Force muscle, (like the pointless changeling thing in AOTC, only serving a narrative purpose) working towards that idea may produce something less Panto and more genuinely sinister.

The real problem is the make-up and I can't think of a way around that other than morphing shots of Ian's real face over the mask...like he is struggling to put his public face back on (this prompts him to later give up and make up the Jedi done it story).