To The Right Honorable Threadmaster, TV's Frink:

I have done everything in my power to right my ship. But you place me in an untenable position, sir. You ask the following of me:

Instead, I'm still waiting to hear how your Star Trek post related to Scientology.

The evidence is cut and dried - there is no link to Scientology in my offending posts. I could commit a falsehood and edit the previous posts - is that the kind of thread we all want? Do you want me to attempt to cover-up a crime witnessed by dozens? Others have been placed on PROBATION!!! and resumed contributing to the thread once their debt to the Threadmaster was paid in full. In being asked to fabricate evidence or tell a fantastic tale with dubious (perhaps non-existent) ties to reality, I am held to a different standard. I don't know what to make of this demand.

But...before you place me in the so-called Hall of Shame and go back to reading Science of Survival, you should know that I have a way of finding out things. Lips are loose in this place, Frink, and though you may get your jollies throwing the book at me, your tiny little kingdom will crumble all around you with just one more post. So I suggest we come to an understanding: you let me off the hook now - seeing as I paid my debt in the same manner that others did and have since demonstrated a willingness to follow the rules - or the secret gets out.

And by the way, the $100 and the Shatner pic are off the table.

That is the end of this communication.

Oh, except for this: PENIS!