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hot.like.C3PX thread — Page 3

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Okay, I need some advice.

Soooo... a gorgeous internet persona has frequently approached me for "sex-having," as I'm sure you've all noticed by now.  Now, I went ahead and gave her my credit card number like she asked, because apparently that's tradition in her country.  And so is the debt I'm now in.  Don't worry, it's totally legit, she assured me it was.  So I was supposed to meet her at a park tonight for the sex-having, but when I arrived, all I saw was a man holding a giant dildo, so I decided to go home.  I talked to her later, and she assured me that she had simply gotten lost, so we're going to meet again in a public restroom behind the local Applebee's.

So my question is... should I get the iced tea or the water with lemon at Applebee's?

There is no lingerie in space…

C3PX said: Gaffer is like that hot girl in high school that you think you have a chance with even though she is way out of your league because she is sweet and not a stuck up bitch who pretends you don’t exist… then one day you spot her making out with some skinny twerp, only on second glance you realize it is the goth girl who always sits in the back of class; at that moment it dawns on you why she is never seen hanging off the arm of any of the jocks… and you realize, damn, she really is unobtainable after all. Not that that is going to stop you from dreaming… Only in this case, Gaffer is actually a guy.

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OH, no wonder I thought C3 was a girl... stupid joke threads I didn't get -_-.  OH WELL!

Gaffer, your problem is simple.  You're in an internet relationship, which is completely pathetic.  You're not being scammed, you're just rather stupid.  In short, get the iced tea.

A Goon in a Gaggle of 'em

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I'll play Picard.

"Fuck you. All the star wars movies were excellent. none of them sucked. Also, revenge of the sith is the best."

- DarthZorgon (YouTube)

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DarkFather said:

I'll play Picard.

 

I'll be Wesley.

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  1. please. :D

A Goon in a Gaggle of 'em

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 (Edited)

Dear Sean,

First off, Sean, ah, forgive me I am quite ignorant when it comes to internetlish. I have very strong personal feelings about the abridgment of books; so you can only imagine how I feel about the abridgment of words. I had no idea that "nvm" meant "never mind" until I looked it up just now. I am slowly learning interweb newspeak, be patient with me. In time I will learn to communicate effectively in this dumbed down bastardization of the English language.

Sincerely,

hot.like.C3PX

 

Dear Gaffertape,

Until further notice I am refusing to offer you advice. Because quite frankly I am insanely jealous that you got a sex-having invitation in your PMs from someone claiming to be a gorgeous woman and all I got was an awkward proposition from someone claiming to be Biff Tannen.

Sincerely,

hot.like.C3PX

P.S. I am a big ice tea fan myself. I usually refrain from water with lemon at restaurants, because I always imagine the outside of the lemons being covered in bacteria from all the hands they pass through before being inadequately rinsed and plopped in my drink.

 

Dear Bkev,

Would you kindly fuck off? [Pardon my French] This is hot.like.C3PX's advice column last time I checked. Let me check again... yes, it seem it is still hot.like.C3PX's advice column. Are you C3PX? Wait, don't tell me! I'll look into the matter myself... Oh, I just did some research, and it appears that you are not C3PX! You are in fact Bkev. I find it rather odd a fellow named Bkev should be offering advice in my advice column. If this continues, my lawyers will be in touch.

With love and respect,

hot.like.C3PX

 

"Every time Warb sighs, an angel falls into a vat of mapel syrup." - Gaffer Tape

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My apologies HLC3.  I forgot how your awesome is the only advice worth having.

A Goon in a Gaggle of 'em

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No, no. Don't get me wrong kid. I am sure you give great advice. [GL] Juuuust not in my thread.[GL/] ;)

"Every time Warb sighs, an angel falls into a vat of mapel syrup." - Gaffer Tape

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Dear Shawn,

No. I try to stay away from red meats.

 

Sincerely,

hot.like.C3PX

"Every time Warb sighs, an angel falls into a vat of mapel syrup." - Gaffer Tape

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 (Edited)

Dear C3PX,

There is a girl that I...that my friend really likes.  He's totally into her and her awesome fashion sense and all, but she likes a really wimpy dude who just pretends to be awesome because he can do mind tricks.  I think they might be doing "sex-having."  What should I do...I mean, what should I tell my friend to do?

Thanks,
Ric 

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Dear Mr. Olie,

Your friend needs to find a way to convince this girl that he is better than the wimpy dude. Women are very superficial and care about silly things like a persons ability to beat up other persons. If your friend were to stalk the couple while they are out in a public place together, then proceed to beat up the wimpy dude, he is sure to make a very big impression on this girl. Once she sees him brused, beaten, and crying in public, the "sex-having" with the wimpy dude will most likely lose its satisfaction. At this point all your friend has to do is sit back and watch, sooner or later, after some frustrating anti-climactic physical encounter with the wimpy dude, she is sure to show up at your at your friend's front door and subsequently find her way into his bedroom. Best of luck to your friend on his conquest.

hot.like.C3PX

"Every time Warb sighs, an angel falls into a vat of mapel syrup." - Gaffer Tape

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Dear hot.like.C3PX,

Thank you for the excellent advice.  Unfortunately, the wimpy dude is actually quite fearsome.  I don't think he can be beat up, at least not by regular dudes like myself or my friend.  So, my question is, do you know anyone we can hire to beat him up?

Yours,
Ric

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Dear Ric,

Sorry to hear the wimpy dude is not really wimpy. As for your question, you are in luck; I do happen to know someone who can help you out. Relationship advice columns don't pay that well and I too happen to be quite fearsome, so a few years ago I took on a second job as a hit man. PM me.

Sincerly,

hot.like.C3PX

"Every time Warb sighs, an angel falls into a vat of mapel syrup." - Gaffer Tape

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Dudes!  This wimpy/non-wimpy guy is a Total Biscuit, but I don't want him killed.  Just...you know...neuterlized.  Oops, I mean, neutralized.

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Dear Ric,

I do neuterlization too. But they cost extra.

Sincerely,

hot.like.C3PX

 

P.S.

Awesome to see the term "total biscuit" being used. You made my day, Mr. Olie.

"Every time Warb sighs, an angel falls into a vat of mapel syrup." - Gaffer Tape

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 (Edited)

C3PX said:

I do neuterlization too. But they cost extra.

Dear hot.like.C3PX,

Once you meet this guy, I think you'll do it for free.  What do you say?

Respectfully Yours,
Ric Olie

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If it pleases the court,

Does this (n0n)wimpy guy have an avatar? Or is he a grey box?  Because I believe Gaffer's purge should be starting any day now (assuming C3PX's Sarlacc bulbs have sprouted) and maybe this problem will take care of itself.

Oh, wait... you're not talking about me, are you?  Or is it Typho?  I get all of us Naboobians mixed up.

IT'S MY TRILOGY, AND I WANT IT NOW!

"[George Lucas] rebooted the franchise in 1997 without telling anyone." -skyjedi2005

"Yeah, well, George says a lot of things..." a young 1997 xhonzi on RASSM

"They're my movies." -George Lucas. 19 people won oscars for their work on Star Wars (1977) and George Lucas wasn't one of them.

Rewrite the Prequels!

 

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xhonzi said:

Oh, wait... you're not talking about me, are you?  Or is it Typho?  I get all of us Naboobians mixed up.

This guy is not a Naboobian.  Therefore, it could be you.  But it's not.