Dear Diary,

Recently I have begun to hear strange voices in my head. They have been talking about vertical force, frozen liquor, and stolen body parts. I tried one of my Patented Observations, knowing that if the voices were real, they would hear my brilliance and heed it. However, as the insanity continues and I spiral further into madness, I must face the fact that the voices might be right and I should try to sell the kidneys that have mysteriously appeared on my nightstand. Should this be a trap set by Gungan scientists who intend to cut me up and study my organs for insight regarding my powers of observation, I leave you, my Dearest Diary, here for others to discover. Maybe, just maybe, I will persuade future Ric Olie's to never, ever, under any circumstance, start an observation thread in a forum of weirdos.

Yours,
Captain Handsome.