Who could Uncle Owen hand a serious bare knuckle beating to?

Imagine if Uncle Owen escaped the Imperial cookout that lay in store for him and his wife and instead toured the galaxy in a blue milk induced rage, taking part in bare knuckle brawls all across the empire. If I had to choose a person from each movie that I reckon he could give a serious ass whooping to, my choices would be thus:

Governor Tarkin

No contest. Tarkins biting wit and hatchet features would have little baring on the moisture farmers sun baked knuckles.

"I told you to forget it."

Lobot

Sure, he can manage an entire city/mining colony with his mind, but can he dodge a sand encrusted haymaker?

"There'll be hell to pay."

Admiral Ackbar

I don't think Ackbar can make much of a fist, sure he could probably give you hard slap, which would no doubt be akin to getting slapped across the face with a dead mackerel, but I don't think it would be enough to put down our Owen. He'd knock Ackbar into orbit around Endor.

"I'll make it up to him next year."

Any challengers?

You sayin' you want a piece of me?

The first post has been making me laugh for a good 24 hours now! Inded, I hadn't quite realised it but Uncle Owen really is the Charles Bronson/Clint Eastwood/Chuck Norris figure of the series.

The sand encrusted haymaker.  Sweet Moses, that is funny!

What are your thoughts on a match between Owen and maybe...

The Bespin Ice Cream Man

Dexter Jettster

or maybe Chief Chirpa?

I had to look up the Bespin Ice Cream man, well worth it. I agree, a fight between those two would be like Rocky vs Apollo.

Great combatant choices so far, Sluggo your choices cracked me up.

Round Two:  Fight!

Porkins

The portly X-wing pilot would be no match to the man who can hold off an entire colony of sandpeople with one blaster.  I can already smell the bacon.

"He died about the same time as your father."

The Bespin Ice Cream Man

This may look like the match of the decade, but the man who's only friend is vanilla will be too busy thinking about sprinkles to put up a good fight.  Owen will throw sand in his eyes with his left hand and break his nose with his right.

 "All right, shut up".

Bib Fortuna

Sure the red eyes are scary, but Mr. Fortuna is pasty-white, has manicured fingernails and is named after something you put on a baby to keep it clean when it spits up on itself.   And could Bib grow an awesome beard like Owen has?  Not in a million years.  Owen will rip off his shirt and flex his guns while Bib runs off with his head-tails between his legs.

 "You can waste time with your friends when your chores are done".

Friday night fights! Love your work Sluggo!

I'd put me money on Phil.  Ralph puts too much time on being a handsome devil to seem like a real threat.

Thanks Stampede!

Ralph Brown is an impostor who is a wimp and not nearly as handsome as I am. 

That Uncle Owen guy might be a tough match.  I think I could take him, but it would be a good fight.

C3PX said:

You're probably right in your assuming that Owen would have to resort to cheap tricks, like throwing sand in his opponents eyes, in order to win this fight.

Thanks for making me laugh this monday morning! :D

I love the idea of Imported Hoth Water.  Moisture Farmers.  Weird.  Maybe the taxation of water along the trade routes was just too expensive.

Ok, I concede with the Ice Cream Man vs. Owen Lars.  It would be a tough match.  I see it like Bruce Lee vs. Kareem Abdul Jabbar.  Maybe Owen would win the best of 5.

I'd love to see Owen versus Bossk.  That would be a fight.  Imagine Kirk vs. the Gorn.

Anyone want to write up Round 3?

:P

Shhh...  don't give LFL any ideas!

Gaffer Tape said:

Sluggo said:

I love the idea of Imported Hoth Water.  Moisture Farmers.  Weird.  Maybe the taxation of water along the trade routes was just too expensive. 

Wow, you're right.  That "taxation of trade routes" angle sounds like a great idea too.  Maybe someone should make a Star Wars movie about that!

They made a Star Wars movie about taxation and trade routes. They had to throw JarJar in every seen to keep people interested...

I am unaware of such movie.

Sluggo said:

I am unaware of such movie.

Ric Olie is sad :-(

14 minutes ago . Comment . Like