Bingowings said:

Personally for the reasons I've already described I'd prefer the original dialogue but spoken by Ian, but if you were to go down that route why not go a bit further with your shifting and cut much of the grovelling and to the chase?

VADER: What is thy bidding, my master?

EMPEROR: There is a great disturbance in the Force, we have a new enemy.

VADER: I have felt it.

EMPEROR: He could destroy us.

VADER: Is that possible? He's just a boy, Obi-Wan can no longer help him.

EMPEROR: The Force is strong with him. The son of Skywalker must not become a Jedi.

VADER: If he could be turned, he would become a powerful ally.

EMPEROR: Yes, yes, he would be a great asset. Can it be done?

VADER: He will join us or die, my master.

the third line for vader kinda sounds sandwhiched together, i think it'd be better as two lines. and i still think we need to keep the line "young skywalker" or "the young rebel who destroyed the death star" or something similiar.

if i was a complete stranger to the movie, i might wonder who this new "enemy" is.