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Post #378410

Author
G E Predator
Parent topic
Star Wars: The Trilogy **PROJECT STALLED DUE TO HARD DRIVE FAILURE**
Link to post in topic
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/378410/action/topic#378410
Date created
21-Sep-2009, 12:48 PM

Bingowings said:

Much better but I thought in this take Luke had returned to Dagobah pretty much straight after ESB so perhaps "As Luke Skywalker completes his training on Dagobah" (which trims the final paragraph too).

That would necessitate a slight re-jig of the line about the Alliance (too many 'as's).

Well it was your idea that I change "While Luke Skywalker remains on Dagobah..." to get rid of the extra "remain" in the crawl.  Also there is only one "as" in the entire crawl.  So the first line of the last paragraph would be "While Luke Skywalker completes his Jedi training on Dagobah..."