- you think a salt-and-pepper beard + a flannel shirt = sexy

- you talk so weakly that your voice frequently drops into a kind of whispery rattle

- your favorite film is a six-way tie between:

Revenge of the Sith (2005)
A New Hope (2004)
The Empire Strikes Back (2004)
Return of the Jedi (2004)
Attack of the Clones (2002)
The Phantom Menace (1999)

- you've got a Marcia Lucas dartboard

- you can recall every interview George gave on the subject of a six-part Star Wars saga, dismissing those fake ones where GL supposedly said that there were going to be twelve or nine films

- you've ruined more than one relationship by shouting, "Faster! More intense!" at the worst possible moment

- you often inject insulin in tribute

- you were bored out of your skull watching It's A Wonderful Life for its disgraceful lack of CGI