EPISODE ONE:
"The Phantom Menace" is a pretty feeble title, expecially for a first installment. George seems to have forgotten that every story needs a beginning -- and the movie we got wasn't it. It still was too much in media res. The setting needs to be better established. In my rewrite, I ganked Alan Dean Foster's intro from the Star Wars novelization and reworked it a bit for the first paragraph. My first pass opening crawl now reads:
The GALACTIC REPUBLIC was the Old Republic of legend, greater than distance or time. No one knows with certainty when or how it came into being, only that it was, and that was enough.
For generations, under the wise rule of the Senate and the protection of the JEDI KNIGHTS, the Republic throve and grew. But, all too often when wealth and power pass beyond the admirable and attain the awesome, then appear those evil ones who have greed and ambition to match.
Now, turmoil has engulfed the Republic. Prince Bail Organa of Alderaan, acting as a secret envoy of the Supreme Chancellor of the Senate, has journeyed aboard his starship to the peaceful planet of Naboo to seek out the Jedi Knight OBI-WAN KENOBI and his mentor, MASTER QUI-GON JINN....
Pan down to show Naboo, as in Ep I, and the clean Tantive IV in a preprise of what we'll see in Ep IV. No donut ships, no blockade, etc. From there...
• Obi-Wan Kenobi introduced.
• Qui-Gon, Anakin, Bail Organa, Padmé, Palpatine, Asajj, Dooku, Mace, Cliegg, Owen, Beru, Shmi, C-3PO, R2-D2 all introduced.
• Jedi introduced and explained. Much like Green Lantern Corps -- stay close to their home planets/systems/sectors; rarely gathered in one place.
• Sith introduced, named at end.
• Flight from Naboo through to final escape to Coruscant is conflict for this film.
• Sith Infiltrator, better-used follows Tantive IV to Nabo, lurks in ambush.
• Ep II Royal Starship -- incorporate smaller Marie Celeste and two N-1 starfighters that can detach.
• Distinctive design ethoi -- Alderaan = white & clean, Naboo = lots of wood and natural shapes and materials.
• Tatooine just remote -- not in Hutt space or controlled by Hutts (Jabba just finds it a nice out-of-the-way spot).
• Skywalker family had a small tramp freighter and were independent cargo haulers. Pirates jumped them, killed dad, sold mom and kid into slavery. Similar events to Ep II, Cliegg bouth them, freed them, married Shmi.
PROPOSED TIMELINE:
Act I -- Bail arries @ Naboo to bring Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon to Coruscant, Queen stubbornly insists on coming with, dialogue and visual aids establish Republic, Jedi, Core vs. Expansion and Rim regions, Separatist movement, etc. Chancellor has asked for a few of the best and brightest Jedi to help figure what to do about the Separatists.
Act II -- Tantive IV and Royal Starship leave Naboo, ambushed by Asajj, have to divert to Tatooine, moisture farmers come to their aid (Owen & Anakin), Anakin's backstory established, he is smitten with Padmé, Obi-Wan wants to train him as a Jedi. Asajj finds them, there's a groud fight, she's driven off, Anakin announces he's leaving. Cliegg and Owen disapprove.
Act III -- Asajj and a couple other ships get the jump on them as they arrive at Coruscant, Royal Starship badly damaged, smaller craft jettison, planetary defense forces scramble to assist, Mace Windu shows up to help, Asajj bails, remaining craft destroyed.
Coda -- Everyone gathers in the Chancellor's office, Mandalorian ships were among those destroyed, Asajj is presumed to be Sith, Jedi worry what it means if the Sith and Mandalorians are involved and this bold, Anakin formally becomes Obi-Wan's apprentice, Padmé is proud and says she'll wait for him to finish his training, Jedi are rallied and movie ends on a cautious but hopeful note.
Gonna take a breath before going on to Episode II...
--Jonah