I can't forgive the piece for promising with it's title what it failed to deliver, finally the film of one of the most filmable books in history.

It still shocks me that nobody has ever got it right when the book screams, "Film Me!" whenever I pick it up (well, whenever I forget to take the special tablets).

The cast are mostly awful in it too (Vinola and Keanu at their vorst), only really Richard E Grant and Tom Vaits come out of it with most of their dignity intact.

Lovely costumes though and the colour is lush but all the best bits of the book are missing or screwed up something I could almost forgive if Bram's good name wasn't on the piece.

I love the Vierd idea of British geography in the film.

Whitby, London, Englandshire.

If it was just some vacky Dracula film made by Ken Russell in his autumn years it would have been better obviously and a fun addition to the huge body of Dracula In Name Only films but as someone who first read the book when he was 8 and have read it more times than I can count (geddit?) I must say it pissed me off more than TPM.

BTW I would really love to see someone do a good job of Kim Newman's Anno Dracula books but it would probably get as mangled as the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen film.