ChainsawAsh said:I think *you're* being the hypocrite here. Just saying.
How so, sir. Pray tell.
TheBoost said...
Yeah, that movie made me long for the days of realistic doomsday weapons, like the Genesis Device, that could resurrect the dead.
And that lame time travel story made me long for the hard-science thinking man's time travel story like Star Trek 4. Black holes don't cause time travel. Flying around the sun really fast causes time travel.
And those horrific action sequences! Where were the Shatner-esque flying cross bodyblocks and double ax handles?!? And why was Star Fleet so competent? I like my Star Fleet so inept that they can't even keep track if planets explode (the main plot point in Wrath of Khan).
I hated how they used Chekov and Scotty for comic relief instead of having them do intelligent things like saying Cinderella is an old Russian fairy tale, or knock their heads on beams.
But the worst was how they made Kirk into some arrogant wonder boy, loved by women, admired by men, a maverick who does his own thing and saves the day, rules be damned. What a Mary Sue!
Seriously, why even CALL it Star Trek?
Your sarcasm aside... THIS is why it shouldnt be called Star Trek. This is a review I began writing of the film as I was watching it and never finished becuase I couldnt stand watching the movie anymore. So the review will end aburptly becuase I have no desire to subject myself any further to the film.
I used to be a hard core Trekkie. It started with the premiere of the Next Generation and it ended with the slow painful destruction of Star Trek at the hands of Rick Berman and Brandon Bragga. I now refer to myself somewhat jokingly as a recovering trekkie. Although I prefer the Next Generation to all I like all Star Trek to varying degrees, that is up until May 7th, 2009. There is now Star Trek that I hate.
I prefer Roddenberry Star Trek to everything else. The Next Generation and The Original Series are far superior to anything else as Roddenberry’s vision of the future and of humanity are intact in those shows. (This started to change in The Next Generation following Roddenberry’s death) The other Star Trek shows fail to various degrees to live up to Roddenberry’s original concepts.
The biggest failure to be actual Star Trek now belongs to JJ Abrahms. I cant tell you how excited I was to see this movie. I haven’t been really excited to see a Star Trek movie since Star Trek VI, thanks to Berman and Bragga’s continual destruction of the Trek name.
I had high hopes for this film. I was hoping it would revitalize the Trekkie in me as I do miss the way it used to make me feel, now long ago. There were things that concerned me in the various footage I had seen before the movie but I was hoping everything would be all right in the end.
It was not.
First and foremost was JJ Abrahms assertion that he was not making a movie for Trekkies. Well JJ congratulations, you hit that goal out of the park because in no way is this a Star Trek film. Well done Sir.
Star Trek would not exist without the fans and I for one do not appreciate being dismissed.
One of the worst things about the movie is the complete disregard of some 40 years of Star Trek. The Trek we all know and love from The Original Series through the end of Voyager has been wiped out by this movie’s concept of a new timeline. I feel as if JJ and Paramount have all taken out their collective dicks and pissed all over what used to be Star Trek and finished up by wiping clean on my forehead. How ANY Trekkie cannot feel this way when they watch this film I cannot fathom on any level. Any Trekkie that likes this film I do not understand. They have said that all of Star Trek has never happened with this film and you accept that? To put the eventual DVD of this film next to even the worst of other Star Trek is disgusting.
I was so looking forward to this film, I so wanted to be excited about Star Trek again. This movie makes the disappointment I had in Indy 4 and the Matrix sequels look like orgasmic celebrations in comparison.
I will now rip apart what I hated about this film in a free form bulleted list.
· The soundtrack, Michael Giacchino should never be allowed near a musical instrument again. I’ve read online how much everybody enjoyed his music in this film. The soundtrack was one of the first things that annoyed the shit out of me. My wife leaned over to me during the film and said much the same thing. Its overly loud, overbearing swill and doesn’t feel like Star Trek at all. The music in this film was a EPIC FAIL. And new movie or no. You need to start a Star trek film with the theme they have been starting Trek films with forever. That was really jarring and the first sign of trouble that this was not a Trek film.
· The villain Nero was a waste of film. He was not engaging, uninteresting, vapid little pussy miner who lost his little wifey and now he’s all mad. He was really fucking boring. You relaunch Star Trek, destroy all of canon and give me this asshole? This is the guy that goes up against the legendary James T. Kirk for his relaunch? Remember JJ your film is only as good as your villain. Another Epic Fail.
· Let’s talk about these Romulan miners. Why are they all bald and tattooed? Oh right, you forgot to write that into the movie. Yet no one seems to care about that. Piss poor writing there JJ.
· Red matter…where the fuck did this ULTRAPOWERFUL shit come from… Oh right, you forgot to write that into the movie. Yet no one seems to care about that. Piss poor writing there JJ. I seem to be repeating myself.
· Lens flares, did you put enough of them in here? FUCK!
· So Nero goes back and time and this is why the timeline gets fucked up. Hardly an orginal idea in Star Trek but a staple of the universe so okay. Kirks dad gets killed and sends him on a different path in life. Wait a minute? Why the fuck is George Kirk’s family onboard a Starship in the 23rd century? Families were not onboard starships until the 24th century. Failure. The whole altered timeline nonsense is based on a failure
· Why would altering George Kirk’s life make it so Uhura was getting boned by Spock? A horrible horrible idea. Also spock would NEVER make out with someone on the transporter. NEVER. You know it and I know it. Yeah yeah his planet blew up. So Spock isn’t Spock anymore? He almost kills Kirk? (He did the same thing in This side of paradise and was able to get control of himself and there were even insults about his mom as in this film) That isn’t Spock. Agreeing to blow up Nero when the reason isn’t based in logic? That isn’t Spock.
· And why are Chekov and Uhura suddenly these much more competent involved officers? Is this a good thing, sure. Does it make sense? No.
· Spock. Zachary Quintos did a great job delivering Spock mannerisms but as I already stated overall he was not Spock. This I blame on the writer/director
· Kirk was ok, he didn’t do Shatner which although I love Shatner’s portrayal as Kirk it was the right decision to not mimic that. However, why was Kirk getting his ass handed to him in every fucking fight? Lame
· Uhura. DAMN SHES FINE! And that’s exactly what paramount want you to think. You’ll look at how fine, hip and beautiful these people are and not care about the other shit. I’ve already stated what I thought of her character.
· Chekov, the whole Russian accent thing was WAAAY overdone and cheap humor.
· Scotty, I didn’t like his portrayal at all. I thought he was too goofy. Transporting into a fucking watertube anyone?
· Sulu… Sulu was bad-ass except for that stupid leaving the parking break on scene. Yeah they had to get to fight at Vulcan late but they should have done something else. Sulu would NEVER make a mistake like that.
· McCoy. Dead-on. My favorite of the portrayals by the new cast.
· Meat freezer curtain in the shuttles. What the hell for?
· The flippy bit on the Phasers. So the stun setting fires through the kill setting and vice-versa? That’s asinine. Not to mention they are the fucking ugliest phaser design ever! Id rather have those ugly ass dustbusters from the first season of The Next Generation.
· But let’s talk about the ugliest redesign in the film. The new Enterprise. This thing is so ungaingly and ugly it defies imagination. I HATE HATE HATE the design. Almost every little tweak they made took the classic design and moved it in a less graceful, fugly way. I hate the new ship. Visual design is VERY important to me. Ill forgive a lot for a cool design but you have to overcome a lot for an ugly one and this film did not. The Enterprise IS Star Trek and to make it as ugly as this ship is a crime. So in that regard the new Enterprise actually matches the new Trek quite well
· I hate the new engineering. It looks like an industrial complex, its fugly. I HATE IT. And when they eject the core, whats with the multiple stages being ejected? That’s not a warp core. And why are there tubes of water in the ship? Is that what they are using for coolant? If so that’s retarded.
· Why is the miner ship so powerful? Why would a mining ship be able to wipe out 5 or 6 starfleet ships so quickly? Oh right, you forgot to write that into the movie. Yet no one seems to care about that. Piss poor writing there JJ. Echo, echo, echo…
· Why are there are those platforms with no railings over a chasm of death in the mining ship? Lame.
· Since when can’t you lock on to a moving target? Lame.
· Why is Leonard Nimoy Spock so frigging emotional in this movie? Yes he has found a balance between human and Vulcan later in his life but he is still much more Vulcan than the sentimental human he appears to be in this film.
· All the homages to classic Trek in this film don’t seem to me to be honoring trek but rather something to hopefully placate classic Star Trek fans. I was NOT placated.
· Why are the uniforms/ship designs not from established canon when Nero’s ship first shows up?
· Dramatic music only over the scenes of George ramming Nero is annoying. I like my SFX thank you very much, Especially with music as awful as in this movie
· The turning chevron behind the Title thing was overdone and ridiculous. And the Music during that made me wish to be deaf
· Beastie boys and product placement with the fucking Nokia ringtone, damn whores. Beastie Boys?? THE FUCKING BEASTIE BOYS IN A DAMN STAR TREK MOVIE?!?!!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
· The car young Kirk is driving and the song he is listening to is 300 years old! COME ON!
· Whats with Amanda’s Cone breast thing?
· The accidental grabbing of Uhura’s breasts by Kirk, give me a break
· How did Nero know where Spock was going to show up 25 years after he did.
· Orion Slave Starfleet girl and Uhura in their underwear? Give me a break.
· Uhura has mutant hearing?
· Spock and Kirk are at odds for damn near the whole movie? Oh yeah, that’s Star Trek and don’t give me that how they first met shit
· The whole medical comedy routine? I hate that shit.
· The panels on the bridge standing up in the middle of everything that crew members have to walk around all the time. I like the bridge and the main corridors, the sickbay and transporter room but the industrial complex feel to the rest of the ship was a poor choice.
· They destroyed Vulcan. Let me retype that. They…destroyed…Vulcan and yet people are ok with that?
Why did the transporters take so fucking long when being Spock and company, which ended up killing his mommy?
and thats where I stopped writing, just couldnt take it anymore