Monroville said:Bingowings said:The crawl doesn't say the Republic has ended it says the golden age has ended (the optimism and positive wave that formed it has broken).
What's at stake is the Republic itself but I suppose it can do no harm to suggest there is a small glimmer of hope it might be averted and reversed.
The code of Knighthood line is a simplification because it explains what the code is and that the Jedi are knights so I would prefer to keep it and lose the Knight at the end of Jedi.
Making an edit where the Federation are invading from outside the Republic is radical but it begs the question why don't the Republic respond en masse against these exterior invaders (unless Naboo is outside the Republic too in which case why do they respond at all)? It could make for an interesting reworking so suggestions on how that might play out would be a grand addition to the collection of ideas up for grabs on this thread.
For me it makes more sense if the Federation is the financial arm of a member state attacking the sovereignty of another member state. Adjusting every spoken reference to the Trade Federation in a realistic fashion would be difficult but someone might be able to do it.
However the text is there for anyone to play with and if you want to shift the words around in anyway to you own needs and ideas please do.
Incorporating some (but not all for the reasons I just described) of your ideas with the changes I made in response to ChainsawAsh's comments here's a new draught (the four dots no longer hang too):
A thousand generations since the defeat of the SITH LORDS and the golden age of the REPUBLIC is coming to an end.
Centuries of peace and justice have led to indolence and hesitation.Ancient feuds and resentments fester unresolved in the senate, slavery and oppression sweep worlds beyond the Republlic's control. Bound by galactic law and the strictures of their code of knighthood the JEDI are powerless to intervene.
Taking advantage of these turbulent times the TRADE FEDERATION of Neimoidia has directed it’s fleet to the contested world of Naboo. Aided by sinister new allies....
Well, in that regards, we've seen that in our own history. Hell, didn't you see 300?! Didn't you have a large foreign invasion that the Spartan politicians did NOT want to fight? Isn't Europe monkey wrenching the whole war on terror? Didn't we see Europe do the same thing before World War 2? And what about the Gondorians in LORD OF THE RINGS?
So there is plenty of precedent for an empire/republic/democracy to ignore the 8,000 pound army of gorillas approaching on the horizon.
None of those situations represent the scenerio you were laying out (not that there's anything wrong with that scenerio but to get it to work would require solutions and this is the place for trying to hammer those out) in fact only one of them is a real world scenerio (Lord Of The Rings, naturally).
300 has as little to do with the real world as Excalibur (both visually stunning but hardly historically accurate).
Europe is not a nation state or a Federal state, not then and not now (and don't get me started on the so called War On Terror, only the Emperor of idiots would declare war on an emotional state).
If Mexico invaded Texas the whole of the USA would go to war.
That's a state from the outside invading a state within a larger state (like the model you were proposing).
If Texas invaded Oklahoma that would be an internal war within a Federal state (more like the model I'm proposing) and if there was a weak leader in the White House and communications were difficult it may involve a bit of investigation before sending in the troops (especially seeing as it seems so difficult to believe, I like Howard Keal as much as the next guy but invasion...is that lee'gal?).