Bingowings said:
Here's my stab at a new crawl for TPM (it needs to be spaced better because the .... is floating on it's own) :

I really like it for the most part, though here are a few ideas to consider:

"The golden age of the GALACTIC REPUBLIC is coming to an end.

It has been a thousand generations since the defeat of the evil SITH LORDS but after centuries of peace and justice ancient feuds and resentments have weakened the senate.

Bound by galactic law, the JEDI KNIGHTS struggle against the strictures of their code as slavery and oppression sweep through the worlds outside the Republic's control.

Taking advantage of these troubled times, the Neimoidian FEDERATION has directed it's fleet to the outer world of Naboo, aided by sinister new allies... "

Here are the reasons for the changes:
(line 1): to say the Republic is already ended is not exactly true; it is right on the EDGE of falling apart. To say it is already done with is to deflate tension as opposed to giving the audience some glimmer of hope that Utopia can be saved.

(line 2): just a few words changed to simplify, but also to imply that the senate HAS tried to deal with the outbreaks of anarchy, but is getting overwhelmed.

(line 3): to have the Jedi just idly sit by as slavery and oppression occur to millions makes the Jedi to be either weak or evil through acts of omission. To state that they are struggling with the law (both Republic and their own) as to what to do about it shows that the Jedi WANT to do their own thing, but want to obey ala Samurais.

(line 4): again, to establish the Neimoidians as a separate entity outside of the Republic makes them an all-out invader coming into the fringe of Republic territory, thus increasing the stakes, which is why I changed "contested" with "outer" world - to imply that Naboo is on the fringe of the Republic and the Republic may not care if they fall or not, just so long as the Peace is Kept.

It would also imply that Qui-Jon and Obi-Wan are possibly on their own mission from the Jedi, and that their status as ambassadors is a cover.