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Alright, here's my HTTE suggestions, part deux (from page 38 until I have to stop once more, or the end of the book, whichever comes first). This is based on the new HTTE that Darknikos just posted, so I'm going to skim through pages 1-38 first to see if I notice anything else. Barring that, here we go:
- While you fixed the lightsaber at the bottom of page 34, it now goes outside the panel's frame.
- Page 38 - while I like the Kamino reference, if you could make the speech bubble for it come out of the "Use team four next" speech bubble (the same way "I promised you Jedi ... " and "What's the report from Wayland" bubbles at the top of the page are attached), it would make the panel read more smoothly and seem less cluttered.
- Page 39 - "Interesting. Continue, Captain!" sounds strange and unnecessary. I'd replace it with "Rumors? What good would rumors do us?" It's a bit more, which will make such a large speech bubble feel more appropriate, and it makes Thrawn seem like less of an idiot at the same time.
- Page 44 - I'd make the laser blasts from the training remote yellow to match ANH (I think they were yellow). As it is, they look a little strange being the same color as Luke's lightsaber.
- Page 47 - Get rid of the radar dish on the YT-1300 that's impersonating the Falcon. That was a custom modification Han added, as evidenced by YT-1300's in the background in AOTC/ROTS that don't have the radar dishes. Unless you think it likely that they would have rigged it up to make it look more like the Falcon.
Page 49 - "This is where I fought my nightmare battle with Darth Vader" - is that bit of exposition really necessary? I mean, it's not obvious where he's at? Same with "I'm back on Jabba the HUtt's skiff ..." which is actually even worse than the first one!
- Sidenote about page 72: Is Leia naked in the top-left panel?! I clearly didn't pay enough attention to this comic when I first read it ...
- Page 72-73: Thanks for restoring much of Ralrra's lines from the novel.
- Page 80 - great job removing yslamiri references here. However, bottom-middle panel, Karrde's line reads "...And don't think about running. I guess you'll find Mara... a great opponent... for a Jedi." followed by Luke's "..." - Karrde's should be "...And don't think about trying to escape. I think you'll find Mara a ... worthy ... opponent." I don't think "For a Jedi" is needed. Further, I suggest Luke's "..." - while not bad in itself - should be replaced with "Or ... " to make it seem like he counter-offers Karrde a lot more quickly than he now does, making him a bit stronger. Then, I'd remove "always" from Luke's next line (so it would now read, "You could return Artoo and me to where you found us."
- Page 87 - "Blast! She has destroyed the commands!" on the bottom-right should say "Damn! She blasted the controls!" (I changed "Blast!" to "Damn!" because saying blast again one word later would sound very awkward, and "damn" has been used in "Star Wars" before, this book included)
- Page 91 - Karrde: "What I do find compelling is that they're our guests. That means they're under our protection." - this would flow a bit better this way: "But they're our guests, which means they're under our protection." I would also change Mara's "I don't agree, but I accept your decision" with a simple "I understand" - it makes her seem smarter and it reads less clunky. I also don't think "And move Skywalker's lightsaber" is necessary - a good replacement would be "Good. See to it."
- Page 92 - Top-left panel: change Luke's "we will" to the contraction "we'll" (flows better). Next panel: change Luke's line to "I feel no presence within Mara ... maybe Karrde is wrong about her ... ". Then, the text block: "It would take more than a blasted control panel to hold a Jedi captive! Reaching out with the Force, Luke finds a switch ... " then the next text block: " ... and the door swings wide open!" I'd also change Luke's "Freeze" to "Wait."
- Page 93 - Luke's line in the second panel on the right should have a question mark after "Gone." I'd also change "If the Force will be with us" to "If the Force is with us."
- Page 94 - Luke's first line needs to be changed to make him sound like less of Basil Exposition-like character ("Let me bring you up to speed ... ") - I'd change the line to "I see it, Artoo! It's one of Karrde's ships. And there's a Star Destroyer in orbit above us ... " To make that seem a little better, I'd add an Artoo speech bubble to the panel immediately to the left of Luke's strange face, coming out of the more distant ship, saying something simple like "Bleep!" so Luke has something to respond to in the next panel.
- Page 100 - Luke says "You needed to find out what Karrde told the Imperials." should be "You need to find out ... "
- Page 101 - Karrde's line in the third panel should read "I'm not working for the Empire. I've just helped them acquire some Jedi artifacts."
- Page 102 - Karrde's line in the fifth panel should read "Ghent knows everything except how to keep his mouth shut."
- Page 110 - Is there anything else you can do with the ligthsaber's arc in the last panel? As it is, it looks a little awkward.
- Page 111 - If you can fit in a reference where Khabarakh mentions his species' name (Noghri), then Leia's thought bubble on the next page would make much more sense. Perhaps if he says "I am called Khabarakh of the Noghri. Your father....."
- Page 118 - Luke's line in the fourth panel should read "And if another Vornskr finds us before the Imperials? You'll never be able to load it fast enough."
- Page 124 - "It's not an adequate guarantee, for me." would work better as "That's not good enough for me."
- Page 128 - Karrde's line, bottom-left, sounds clunky - my suggestion: "A loan, perhaps? A stripped down Mon Calamari star cruiser at least?"
And that's all my suggestions for "Heir to the Empire." I'll start on "Dark Force Rising" in the next couple of days and make a similar list for that. Great job, by the way - I didn't think it would work without the ysalamiri, but you've certainly proven me wrong.