Darknikos said:
Page 33: you suggest to change Thrawn's line to "I've decided to give the Noghri one last chance. I'll personally deliver C'Baoth that message." but in the original Thrawn didn't say that he will be delivering the message to C'baoth personally, but to the Noghri.
So he say to tell C'baoth that he allow the noghri one last chance, and he'll be taking the message to the noghri personally.
Are you agree or I've missed something?

You're absolutely right, I completely misread the line in the book. That was my mistake. He wants Pallaeon to deliver the message to C'Baoth, but he'll be talking to the Nogrhi personally. I misread the "them" as "him."

Darknikos said:
Page 34 (yes, it was in the original): So, right, they were on the forest moon of Endor, not on the planet. And, now that I think about it, if we want to be rigorous, on that moon isn't begin the New Republic... but the Alliance of Free Planets, like we can see on the Marvel comic books.
Anyway, I've always thought that she's speaking to her yet to born children... maybe we can make this more clear.
So, I'm now thinking that the line can be changed in something like:
"You see that, my dear children? That's the forest moon of Endor, where the Rebel Alliance triumphed over the Empire."
What do you think about it?

"Dear children" sounds a little odd, but I can't think of anything better. And I'd change "triumphed over the Empire," to "won the war against the Empire." "Triumphed" sounds a little strange dialogue-wise. But yeah, that doees improve the line substantially.