Good job, Asteroid-Man! I love your logo...LOVE the music...I like the direction you're going with the crawl. It feels a lot like Gladiator (which I love) and works perfectly with the new music. The mood you've created is great.
The typos that others have pointed out should be corrected, of course. And ditch the Star Wars logo you have. It's weird. Go here and download this font and install it: http://www.abstractfonts.com/font/10476
Shift + S gives you a perfect Star Wars logo. :)
The only other thing I'd say is that you have a little music bleed-through from the original track which (as I've found) is unavoidable unless you scrap the soundtrack completely and create your own soundtrack with your own effects from the bottom-up. Which I'm sure you're not going to want to do. But, other than that, I'd say great start! Thanks for posting the clip! It helps to see what kind of quality to expect. Keep it up!