It looks really good, however the text you use feels like long, run-on sentences. It just needs some commas:

Turmoil had engulfed the Galactic Senate, with several star systems having declared their intentions to leave the Republic through a separatist movement led by the mysterious Count Dooku.

Senator Amidala returned to the Senate to vote on the critical issue of creating a Grand Army for the Republic to assist the overwhelmed Jedi, who were meant to maintain peace and order in the galaxy.

[EDIT: It seems I've been beaten to the above note - but I'll keep this here anyway]

I also noticed that your text said "lead by the mysterious Count Dooku," when it should be "led."

And if I'd never seen a Star Wars movie, I'd have no idea who the hell Senator Amidala was - is there a way you could add something of a brief explanation, such as "Senator Amidala, former Queen of the peaceful planet of Naboo, returned..."

Other than that, it's good. I love the music, and really like the look of the text. A nice break from the standard opening crawl.

I am iffy on the logo, however - I don't like how the "T" and "A" connect. I'd suggest using one of the 70s logos:

It's different, but still recognizably Star Wars.