- Time
- Post link
So I was frequenting the Star Wars board on GameFAQs when a joke topic came up about bringing all the characters from both trilogies together for Episode 7, 8, and 9 through several ridiculous plot devices. To continue the joke, I posted the following:
I've got a better idea: Sauron crosses the dimensional barrier and teams up with Sidious and Voldemort. Meanwhile Agent Smith hijacks a spaceship and spreads his copies across the universe. In order to stop these deadly menaces, Harry Potter and his friends must learn martial arts and the chi manipulation from the cast of Dragon Ball Z. After digging up and magically repairing the Power Coins, Harry, Hermione, Ginny, Ron, and Draco become the next generation of Power Rangers. In the climax of the story, Sauron recruits the Heartless and send them to destroy Disney Castle while Sidious leads a droid attack on Coruscant. Voldemort grows to gigantic size and fights the Megazord while Zion's operators desperately search for Smith's kill code. The Z Fighters launch an attack on Sauron's stronghold in an attempt to cut off his bid for power at the source.
That's it. I have just summarized the perfect fanfic. I'll be holed up in my room typing for the next few months if anyone needs me.
Then, the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. Obviously, no one could ever take a plot like this seriously (or at least I couldn't), so the thought came to me: why not make a fanfic that's basically one big, veiled meta-reference to the clichés fanfiction writers usually doll out? Like Scream, but for fanfiction instead of slasher films: a fic that exists simply for people to read and laugh at, but makes few overt jokes about its nature and instead takes itself far too seriously. It will be well-written (grammar- and spelling-wise, I mean), with characters from a myriad of franchises thrown together in a plot that, while plausible within it's own system of physics, would seem completely over-the-top in terms of storytelling merit. I came up with a list of the big clichés that I wanted to include, and posted this to GameFAQs:
The most obvious of these clichés will be the crossover, which will be more horrifically bloated than any serious attempt that has ever been made (except, perhaps, for the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen; that comic is ****ing insane). After that, we'll have the bad-guy-that-turns-good-simply-because-the-author-doesn't-want-to-kill-him, which will come in two varieties: the sincere-change-of-heart in the form of Draco Malfoy, whose romantic feelings for Hermione Granger will come to light when he discovers his father sealed them in a pensieve for "his own good" (consequently offering a nice helping of teenage angst), and the badass-who's-only-doing-this-because-his-life-is-on-the-line in the form of Agent Smith, who is forced to help our heroes when they discover his killcode and threaten him continuously with it, not unlike a dog with a shock collar.
We then have the contrived circumstances for our heroes to jump through hoops in order to learn skills they quite honestly would never need, this being the Hogwarts kids receiving physical training from the Z Fighters when magic would serve them perfectly well against any opponent... except the one they happen to be facing (Sauron, whom I will retcon as the undisputed master of all forms of magic; although I claim justification from the fact that one of his numerous nicknames translates as The Wizard). We'll have the washed-up villain who always comes back purely to annoy the heroes and is never a real threat in the form of Voldemort, who more or less withers in the company of the considerably more badass Sidious and Sauron. The running gag with this is that Sauron will continually resurrect Voldemort using necromancy simply so he can see how he'll screw it up next time. This actually stems from my own frustration with the character as written by Rowling, who seems incapable of doing anything right despite monumental advantages (i.e., teenage opponents, a cult of thousands of bloodthirsty wizards who hang on his every word, and control of pretty much the entire British Isles by the time Deathly Hallows comes around). He's like the slightly more sophisticated version of Team Rocket. So... a Bond villain, essentially, but minus the scantily-clad women (except for Bellatrix, rowr). [Hindsight Note: I realize that I overstate Voldemort's incompetence by a wide margin. Part of this is due to comedic hyperbole, the other due to the fact that I despise any and all protagonists under the age of 21 and fail to see why the most powerful Dark Wizard of all time could possibly have any trouble hunting down and killing a bunch of kids when he knows where they live.]
Then we have the obligatory aging of the characters over the course of the story to give the illusion of character development (i.e., the fact that they are older implies that they are wiser, without the author having to provide evidence to support such a conclusion). They will essentially act the same as they did when they were 15 even though the characters may be 30+ and have children of their own. This will be more or less personified in the character of Pansy Parkinson, who, feeling cheated when Draco and Hermione got all friendly-like (and when he unceremoniously drops her like a diseased fish), will go on an adolescent spree of revenge during the entire narrative (Hell hath no fury, etc.). The vendetta grows more and more obsessive to the point that, by the end of her character arc, her inability to move on ceases to become amusing and jumps into the realm of genuinely disturbing, even to the other villains.
Then, we get to the mother of all fanfiction clichés. The mere mention of it's name strikes fear into the hearts of readers everywhere. It is: THE MARY SUE!!!! *lightning strike, blood-curdling scream, etc.* But not just any Mary Sue, it's an ANTI-SUE! And not just any anti-Sue, it's an ANTI-SUE TRYING TO BE A MARY SUE! A character with genuinely good intentions, but several personality flaws, kind of like... a realistic character. Wait a minute. I did something wrong. I'll get back to you on this one.
I'm in the process of ironing out a plot to fit these tropes together in a cohesive manner. If anyone is finished, I'll post an summary once I'm satisfied with it. Just thought I'd share this potential project with everyone.
