They say you should not celebrate the sav-i-our's birthday
Thanksgiving and Christmas are not the Holy way
They'll never participate in a Christmas Carol Sing
Don't expect warm wishes when your doorbell starts to ring ...
[Ding dong]
Hey Jehovah's Witnesses
Merry Fucking Christmas
Reach inside your assholes
And pull out those big stickses
In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's Birthday
So get off your moral high horse
And fucking celebrate
Now Jesus came from Israel, that's right, he was a Jew
Some people won't believe it, but they should, because it's true
He walked around Judea, wearing sandals on his feet
So every Jew today should all be dancing in the street ...
Hey there Mr. Goldstein
Merry Fucking Christmas
Hanukkah's okay if you don't
Mind the dreydel's splinters
[Hava Nagila]
If you want to celebrate
The festival of lights
Plug in your tree and hang a star
And do this season right
Those fans of L. Ron Hubbard are the wackiest of all
Not seeing him for what he is: A charlatan sleaze ball
They trust in their E-Meter, and not in our Holy time
So every Christmas Day I sing this jolly little rhyme ...
Hey there Scientologists
Merry Fucking Christmas
Uncle Sam should take away
Your fucking tax exemption
In case you haven't noticed
Tom Cruise's movies suck
Release his films at Christmas now
And no one gives a fuck
John Travolta, Jenna Elfman, Isaac Hayes too ...
Merry Fucking Christmas to you!