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Post #287102

Author
C3PX
Parent topic
Do the Jedi steal children?
Link to post in topic
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/287102/action/topic#287102
Date created
18-May-2007, 1:45 AM
Oh come on, why would it make more sense for Plegas to have conceived him? Remember that scene from Star Trek Nemesis (terrible film) where Picard's clone tried to mentally rape Diana Troy? I imagine Palps would be the kind of guy who would pull things like that through the force. There are probably all these mothers going around wondering how the hell they got pregnant. Yeah, I don't even doubt it anymore. Palps is Luke and Leia grandaddy. It just makes sense. How could Darth Plegasus be Ani father when we never even met the guy. Here is my theory on the genealogy of SW.

Darth Plegis, the father of Palpatine
Palpatine, the father of Anakin Skywalker
Anakin Skywalker, the father of Luke, Leia and C-3PO Skywalker
Luke and Ledia Skywalker, the parents of Han Solo (NOTE: I have a very complicated theory of how this is possible, but it is far too complicated to explain here. To make a long story short let's just say that it involved a whole lot of alcohol and a time travel device...)
Han Solo, the father of Jacen, Jenia, and Anakin Solo, as well as Padme Nabre (<-- much like his mom and dad, in his younger days Han liked to use time travel to make sex more exciting. Again, this is just a theory, I have yet to run it by George, but I have no reason to doubt he will give it his Skywalker Ranch Stamp of Canonicity. So, don't be surprised if you find the officially licensed SW comic series Han Solo's Adventures in Time Travel in your local adult book store within the next couple of years).

Oh, and just in case anybody was wondering, The three Solo siblings went on to invent the astometric droid. Unfortunately, nobody liked them because they resembled garbage cans and had no voice boxes, with their only means of communication being annoying little beeping sounds. Only one of these droids was ever sold, before the Solos went bankrupt and had to sell the rest of their stock for scrap metal. The one droid that was sold, was sold to a group of pan-dimentional beings who lived outside of time and space. These beings were called the Znignies, who you may remember as the inventors of the Wookie™. The Znignies, who were known for their marketing skills, reverse engineered the astrometric droids, reproduced them in an abundance, and used their marketing magic to sell the things some hundred years before Jacen, Jenia or Anakin Solo were born (this, in order to avoid a potentially messy lawsuit). The things sold like hotcakes. Though it was not the intention of the Znignies, it just so happened that a hundred years before the Solo siblings were born, people thought beeping robots were quaint rather than annoying. As you can imagine, this helped sells considerably. In hindsight, one could say it is ashame the Solo children didn't use their father's time travel device (the very same one he used to conceive their long lost fourth sibling, who inccidently ended up being their grandmother as well), which was now just in a corner of the garage collecting dust, to go back in time one hundred years to sell their droids and become rich themselves.

So as you can see, the whole Universe is a very tiny place, revolving around the planet the farthest from the bright center of the universe, and a hand full of people, all starting with one man, named Darth Pegasus or Pleguis or something like it...