Your cut of the duel between Anakin and Obi Wan has a lot of energy and removes just about all the stupid stuff and fluff, but it feels a bit disjointed. A few recommendations:
1) The places where you've joined two parts of the duel are sometimes a little jarring. Either place some of the generic lava footage inbetween these shots, or cut away to something else for a moment.
2) Speaking of cutting away, can we not have just a little of the Yoda/Palpatine duel? I agree it stinks, but I think we need to see something, so that we can see that Yoda actually put up a fight and how he got away.
3) Personal nitpick: "That an end to your rule is. And not short enough it was" These lines DRIVE ME CRAZY. They're so convoluted. And does Yoda really need to give us trash talk?
4) When the console that controls the lava shield is damaged, something about the way it was edited didn't seem right. I think you show the slash, and then there's an immediate cut to a close up with blinking warnings, then a view of the shield failing, then back to the saber fight. Maybe just a little cutting up of this so it's not all at once would help.
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GoodMusician,
The work you've done is impressive and has a nice flow. But I think you should put the cockpit shot back the way it was. When the ship leaves, we see it moving right to left, and I think that should continue in the cockpit view.
The Yoda visions were a good idea, but I think he shouldn't see things we've already seen - just foreshadowing. Maybe just the robotic hand and a brief vision of the Vader construction? The Qui Gon line is good, but its placement makes it hard to hear. Maybe put it in a silent portion where we just see Yoda's face in meditation.