GoodMusician, my fellow Ewok friend, I really liked the flow of you ending, especially the music. I thought the birth of Luke was seamless. If it were not for the loosing the will to live line still being present, I would say it was spotless. The part I did not like was the vision of Yoda. I guess I just felt that we already saw that stuff and it came as repetitive. Obi-Wan still believed he was the choosen one, so I also don't believe the Qui-gon line was neccessary. picture this though,
Yoda meditating and just a quick distorted flash of first close up of Vader's mask from the birth scene with fitting music right before Bail interupts. If we don't want to save the identity of Vader, then I think that would be a great alternative to the birth of Vader scene. I am still very partial to the robotic arm clutching the ground, I think it is a great forshadowing of what is to come ("he is more machine now than man") without giving away the farm.

Overall I thought your (GoodMusician's) ending was very smooth, if that had been the way the theatrical ended, I think I would have walked out of the theater with a slightly more gentle opinion of the film. I was on the fence through out the whole movie, I sure didn't think it was great but I still thought it could be tollerated up until the turn of Anakin, then the birth of Vader scene and the lose of will to live were the final nails in the coffin. Those two scenes are IMHO the two absolute worse things about the film and the most difficult to fix in a fan edit. I think the future is looking bright for the ending, but I still have no clue to fix the turn of Anakin.

This visual brainstorming via posted clips is a really good way to come up with ideas. I like how one person has an idea, then others compound on it.