Ok, well, since a few of you have seen it I'm gonna put up a list of the edits I did:
1) I removed some of the sequence of Obi-Wan telling Anakin he's the chosen one, taking advantage of the idea tossed around of Obi-Wan leaving because Anakin says "I hate you." He still sees the fire and such.
2) I removed Padme's line asking if Anakin is ok.
3) I flipped the shot of Obi-Wan and 3PO in the ship flying away from Mustafar. I know why they flipped it in the film, but I like it this way better.
4) The shot then cuts to Yoda meditating. In this, I inserted several muffled, warped, glowey, shots with shots of Yoda meditating inbetween.
a) Anakin saying "I Hate you"
b) Anakin catchin on Fire
c) Obi-Wan watching
d) Obi-Wan walking away with Qui-Gon's line "He Is the Chosen One."
5) The final shot is in between Bail interrupting Yoda, shwoing briefly and dramatically Anakin climing away.
6) I edit some of the dialogue between the droid and Obi-Wan (removing the "s" in "babies" however, I think more of this should be cut because it is misleading
7) I cut leia's birth and show Padme's death.
8) At her death, I insert several shots of Yoda, the group watching, obi-Wan holding luke, with the repeat of the requiem music playing.
9) I repeat the shot of Padme alone on the table, as if dead.
10) I wipe to Tantive 4 arriving to Naboo
11) Obi-Wan cuts in with "And what of the boy?" as if half way through the conversation (another idea I kinda swiped heh). The rest of the conversation is the same.
12) I re-edited Padme's Funeral. I felt that some of the shots were out of order.
Original Shot Order:
a) Iris in to Naboo Funeral
b) cut to overhead shot of Funeral procession
c) cut to closer shot of funeral procession
d) Shot of Padme in open coffin
e) Shot of Padme's Family
f) Shot of Padme's niece
g) Shot of Jar Jar
h) shot of Padme's oppen coffin going away
i) shot of Queen Jamilla
j) shot of padme in coffin, showing her hair, dress, and the jappor snippet.
THe difference really is that I moved the shot of Queen Jamilla to be before her family, as if we're seeing the procession in order. Then the shot of the open coffin going away cuts to her in the coffin. To me, this flows soo much better and the focus is much more linear than jumping around.
13) new shot of starts, interrupted by Tantive 4 Arriving at Tatooine
14) wipe to shot of Obi-Wan delivering baby to Beru
The rest is the same.
I really did want the line of Qui-Gon to stick out... the "He IS the chosen one." I ripped it from Episode I when he tells the concil that. I wanted it to stick out as if Yoda was watching what unfolded on Mustafar from Polis Massa, and then Qui-Gon spoke to him telling him, almost reassuringly that this isn't the end. He will bring balance to the force.
Then you have the dramatic cut of Yoda seeing Anakin crawling only to be interrupted before more can be disclosed.
I'm gonna re-edit a few little pieces. Like, I want to show Bail walking up as Yoda is meditating, but not say anything. You won't hear his dialogue until you see Anakin cralwing and the dialogue will be layered over the video... making it a bit better. Also, there was a close up of Yoda's face where you see him open his eyes before he's suppse to heh.
Also I want to cut a little more dialogue between the droid and them before Padme gives birth.
The other thing mentioned was that it looks like Padme never had a chance to give birth to another child.... I was originally going to cut to the conference and have that take place before she died... but I couldn't find a way that cut very well... and it seemed like they were counting their eggs before they'd hatched so to speak, which isn't like the Jedi.
If I did this, I wouldn't have the dialogue with the robot too much. him saying "we're loosing her, " and obi-wan saying "she's dying" would have been after this, after she gave birth. As if she'd given birth, but then they kept her a live long enough for the jedi to decide what to do, only to then have her die. The problem is I want the line of her saying "There's still good in him." I personally like that line. It's almost as if Leia remembered her mothers face before she died, but luke remembered the last thing she said, which I felt was important to connect them becuase Luke did... almost adamently, fight for the idea that his father had good in him...
Any ideas? comments? let me know, I can still tweak the file.
Glad you liked my ideas heh