The problem with the stacked "of the" is that it makes "Shroud" bigger than "Dark Side" which is not good. If you look at the ROTJ logo, you'll see that "of the" is only stacked in the one-line logo, not the box logo, which has "Return of the" all equally sized and "Jedi" bigger.
Should the first "S" form the top bar? That was done in the ESB logo, IMHO, to accomodate "The" without shrinking "Empire." It looks okay because the bar is broken up by "The." I don't think it looks so good having the "S" form an unbroken bar.
You could put a bar between "Shroud" and "Dark Side," broken up by "of the" but then you're back to the problem of "Shroud" being too big.
So, for all the above reasons I nominate either Klokwerk #9b, as is, or Klockwerk #10b with another bar above "Shroud," but not made from the "S."
Phew.
