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Another bloody edit of TPM (* unfinished project *)

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Hi, I’ve been lurking here a while and after watching both the MagFan and ADM edits of TPM, I’m still not quite satisfied that Ep1 is the best film that it could be (kudos to both of you, though, they are obviously vast improvements over the original). In this post I’d like to outline my own vision for TPM and hopefully a few of you guys will deign to poke some holes in it or generally offer advice before I get cracking. Honestly, I don’t blame you if you stop reading right now.

Cheers,

LTH

Firstly, I want to make sure that this edit is compatible with the Starkiller Ranch 2-6 eps, so if there’s anything here that conflicts with that, please let me know - I’ve read the threads, but there’s a lot to remember.

The problem with TPM is that it isn’t really <span class=“Italics”>about</span> anything - there’s no focus. First it’s Qui-Gonn and Obi-Wan, then Padme and Anakin, then Darth Maul and the Viceroy.

Let’s get one thing straight: this is the story of Anakin and how he got into the Jedi order. Sort of an ‘origin’ story. Everything around this should be wallpaper. And yet when we first meet Anakin in TPM, it is without fanfare or musical cue (iirc) - he is quickly dismissed by the camera so that Qui-Gonn can continue to argue with Watto. This is wrong. Also, it takes 30 minutes of film before we even see Anakin.

Then podracing.

Then Coruscant, where Anakin plays very little part in the events.

Then back to Naboo, where Anakin saves the day entirely by accident.

These are major problems with the film, but I believe that they can be solved. Here are my ideas:

<span class=“Bold”>1. Get to Anakin quickly:</span> all of the first 30 minutes needs to happen in ten. There are three parts to the first third of the movie: Jedi go to see the Viceroy, Jedi go to Gungan city and thence to the Naboo Palace, Jedi escape the palace and the Trade federation blockade.

What I propose is to compress the first part by clipping shots and removing the ‘waiting to see Gunray’ scene, dispense almost entirely with the second part (Jedi meet Jar Jar, go to Gungan village, Qui-Gonn mindswipes a transport, they appear in the palace lake: 2 minutes), and make minor clips and edits to the third part.

<span class=“Bold”>2. Dwell on Anakin:</span> he needs his own theme (hey, how about “Anakin’s Theme”, track 2 on the soundtrack?) that plays when he first appears, and throughout his most vital scenes. He’s actually quite a precocious kid, if a bit annoying. Some careful editing can remove the worst of his lines - his first line in English is “Are you an angel?” to Padme. Yick.

The podracing buildup and execution occupies the entire middle third of the film. Whilst the special effects are neat, we already know which way the race is going to go, and it needs to be executed in about a third of the time it actually takes - this is a minor victory but the film is edited and scored to make this the most powerful victory in the movie. This simply isn’t right.

<span class=“Bold”>3. Anakin saves the day:</span> the four-way battle at the end of the movie needs to play Anakin as the hero, rather than each battle being won on its own merits. Firstly, I want to remove the Gungan battle entirely for reasons that will become apparent, to turn it into a three-way battle. The Maul line and the Amidala line should play out to the death of Qui-Gonn and the surrender of Amidala in the throne room. Then we get Anakin dogfighting with a purpose (none of this ‘oops’ crap), and blowing the crap out of the trade federation’s ship. I plan to echo not only some of Qui-Gonn’s speech into Anakin’s head during the space fight, but when he sets off, some of his own. He tells his mother before the podrace that “people never do anything good for each other” - this is his motivation for blasting the defender droids in the hangar and joining the space fight.

Of course, the mandatory Star Wars ‘celebration’ scene should be removed, and cut instead to the downbeat ending of Qui-Gonn’s funeral.

So those are the three parts to the movie. Here are some ideas that I’d like to implement throughout the film:

<span class=“Bold”>The Viceroy is a hardass:</span> Gunray and his sidekick some across as pathetic whiners, clearly manipulated by Sidious to get what he wants. Unfortunately, there isn’t enough of Sidious to make him into a proper bad guy in this movie, so I suggest redubbing Gunray’s lines with reversed, downpitched German (nice and guttural), and subtitling him. There are a number of points where he can be made to be angrily fighting back against Sidious, and asking for his part of the bargain, and <span class=“Italics”>crucially</span>, the Trade Federation can turn into a collection of slave traders (ganked from elsewhere!). This makes them more evil.

There’s a scene in the first third when Gunray has captured Amidala and is trying to get her to sign the treaty on the way down a long flight of stairs. This can instead be used for him to tell her how he’s enjoying the killing of the symbiants (the Gungans) and how that will slowly destroy the planet, and how he’s about to go and personally kill some children. Around about here can be inserted the parts of the Gungan battle from the end of the film that show the Gungans getting thrashed.

The overall motivation is to make Gunray a decent bad guy, and one whom the audience genuinely feel threatened by. This gives us something to juxtapose the selfless, giving nature of Anakin against.

<span class=“Bold”>Jar Jar is quiet:</span> MagFan led the way on this one. I’m toying with the idea of him being exiled from the Gungan city for killing a Gungan or a Naboo.

<span class=“Bold”>Removal of R2 and 3PO:</span> I’m thinking the ‘3PO gets left behind’ scene and the ‘R2 saves the ship’ scene.

<span class=“Bold”>No friggin midichlorians.</span> It still hurts.

<span class=“Bold”>Qui-Gonn’s voice:</span> in the same way that Obi-Wan (Ben) guides Luke in the trench run, Qui-Gonn should help Anakin out both in the podrace (at a critical moment that helps save the day) and in the space battle. Because of Anakin hearing his own voice, the ‘force thought’ nature of the communication can be nicely ambiguous.

<span class=“Bold”>Naboo:</span> is described as bankrupt and a backwater on the edge of Republic space that no-one really cares about. It is Qui-Gonn’s penalty to be sent here, not his privilege.

<span class=“Bold”>Amidala / Padme:</span> the one thing I can’t work out is how to turn Amidala into Padme without meeting the Gungans in the final third. This is classic ‘migraine maker’ if you ask me. All ideas welcome - the winning one at the moment is to simply not mention it!

Rough outline, then, of how the film would flow:
Crawl:

"STAR WARS - EPISODE ONE - MASTER AND APPRENTICE

The trade federation has blockaded a bankrupt Naboo for unpaid levies. Nute Gunray and his secret master have plans more devious than merely collecting a debt.

A Jedi master and his apprentice have been sent to arbitrate the dispute by the flailing republic government.

Across the galaxy, a young Anakin Skywalker, sold into slavery at age 3, works hard in his master’s scrapyard. His strange talents are about to come of age."

1/9: The Jedi and Gunray - they land. Gunray to aide: “the jedi are here. kill them.” Jedi are ushered into the waiting room. The droids attack them. Jedi attempt to burst into the bridge. Defender droids appear. Jedi escape down to planet.
2/9: The Jedi and the Gungans - Qui-Gonn runs into Jar Jar. They go to the Gungan city. They grab a ride to the Naboo Palace.
3/9: The Jedi and Amidala - Introduction and capture of Amidala, Gunray’s threats to her inc. the killing of the Gungans. The Jedi appear and save the day. They quickly escape past the blockade. Gunray is furious.

4/9: Anakin - They land on Tatooine. Padme tags along. They meet Anakin. His subtitled speech to Watto indicates that he’s just fixed something very important. Qui-Gonn and Watto leave. We stick with Padme and Anakin and get as much of his speech as possible. The Watto-Qui-Gonn bartering can be trimmed. The money Qui-Gonn has is nowhere near enough rather than being in the wrong currency. Sandstorm and return to Anakin’s home.
5/9: The podrace - Qui-Gonn bets the pod for Anakin. No pilot intros or Jabba or Greg Proops, but the battle with Sebulba can stay. A single lap of the course, Anakin does not stall at the beginning, he overtakes a bunch of people, Sebulba tries it on, Qui-Gonn makes a handy mental suggestion, Anakin overtakes him to win. Crucially, Watto threatens terrible things to Anakin’s mother once Anakin leaves - hopefully this can dull the victory. Anakin fights with Greedo. It’s not Greedo.
6/9: Darth Maul - he appears unexpected and kicks the shit out of Qui-Gonn. Everything to indicate that Maul is the better fighter is done.

7/9: Coruscant - skim over this quickly, Anakin doesn’t understand the politics and neither should we. We’re more interested in the Jedi council. Anakin is not billed as ‘the chosen one’. There is no prophesy. I hate that crap. They return to Naboo.
8/9: Conflict! Jar Jar comes out of the water and announces the terrible slaughter that has taken place in the Gungan city. Padme plans (this scene helpfully hardly has Boss Nass in it at all). They sneak into the Palace. Hangar scene: the fellowship of the intruders is broken. Maul fights & kills Qui-Gonn, Padme is captured.
9/9: Resolution! Anakin saves the day by disabling the droid army.
10/9: Epilogue - Qui-Gonn’s funeral.

I am NOT a committee!
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Hmm, I think that the Ranch will be very blessed if you can do this for our Ep. 1. I also like the outline of the film you have. Have you read through the Ranch thread, because there are quite a bit of good ideas to make it a great stronger film. Just remember, if you want to take over Ep. 1 then contact all the people we are doing voice overs for SOTDS for characters that are also in TPM.
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Sounds interesting, lth. There will never be enough edits of Episode I until somene gets it 100% right.

It's gonna be tough. Believe me, I spent six months with a group of very dedicated people going through this film line-by-line trying to make improvements any way we could. The entire movie is a "migraine maker". And just when you think you have it all figured out, it leads you right back to the beginning again. Haha...

Good luck,


--ID

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This edit has a lot of potential, and I hope it turns out as good as it sounds.

P.S. Welcome to the boards, Ith.


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I agree with the thrust of the edit, the film needs a single focus and deblanding.

I've always thought that Anakin needed to actively save the day rather than bumbling it, he needs to get the surge of emotion and rise to the occassion, to be a child thrust into the adult world (and the damage that causes his psyche) he also needs to enjoy the power of it a little bit - he will always struggle with the love of the power and trying to do what is right.
He needs to get into the fighter with a purpose, take out the enemy and have the same 'YES' moment when taking out the ship interior to save the day as Luke has when firing the shot that takes down the Death Star. I was terribly disappointed that Lucas didn't mimick that same shot for Ep1, it seemed ot scream out for it.

I wouldn't reverse any language for vocal tracks, it *always* sounds reversed, especially if it is a relatively well known language like the Germanic/Romantic/Slavic languages - perhaps pick a language that the bulk of people in the US/UK won't be familiar with, like Icelandic or something, and pitch shift it down if necessary. (Make them speak Klingon and fulfil the prophecy of restoring balance to the Trek/Wars universe)

(/rant/) And get rid of the horrendous American commentary of the Podrace, I don't know if it grates as much on American ears, but oh man I hate that with a passion - it goes against the whole galaxy far far away concept, everything not written in English etc. to have that in there - why not put in 'Let's get ready to Rumble' when Luke get's in with the Rancour. (/end rant/)

Not sure if I'd remove R2, Although I still can't reconcile why Obi-wan would look blankly at R2 and say he doesn't remember owning a droid in ANH if R2 is left in there.
I don't mind the R2 link being in there, I'd prefer it if his memory wasn't wiped, it kind of reminds me of when Asimov brought Daneel Olivaw into the foudation series - that was brilliant, and I like the idea of this robot that has been around forever and holds some of the secrets of the universe.
But 3PO being there just closes the wide Star Wars universe down to the size of a small town for me, Chewie kind of does also - it all gets a bit too incestuous.

The crawl needs more balls, the existing one sounds like a treatise on tax law, I think yours is an improvement, but could still use another testicle or three.

"The trade federation has blockaded a bankrupt Naboo for unpaid levies" isn't strong enough as an opening line, it still has a feel of 'administrative issues' or a parking fine, instead of great things that are shaping the universe.
Unfortunately I am void of ideas, I'm shitty at writing copy. But overall the opening line should be bold. Look at Ep4 and 5.

"It is a period of civil war"
"It is a dark time for the Rebellion"

Unfortunately Lucas is already in verbosity overdrive by ROTJ - I can't even be bothered typing the opening Sentence - who needs 29 words for the opening statement.
Even the second line of ANH has plenty of punch.
"Rebel spacehips, striking from a hidden base have won their first victory against the evil Galactic Empire" Yay!

Then look at episode 1's second line, it is killer!
"The taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems is *yawn* in dispu....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

So after reading the crawl this soundss like an exciting movie about a taxation dispute way out in the suburbs that a couple of Jedi are being sent over to sort out.

Thrilling.

I think the new crawl needs a strong short opening line, followed by a strong more detailed second statement.
Second paragraph provides some backround info needed to setup the film
Last paragraph leaves you hanging and tells you what is at stake.

The idea of the Qui-gon voice in Anakin's head could work, not sure if it is needed for the pod-race, that is Anakin's turf and they haven't built up that much of a relationship yet, but the final battle sequence 'force voice' draws a nice parallel with the trench scene from ANH.

A somber ending could work if Naboo suffered serious pwnage, so although it was a victory they sustained such heavy losses that celebration would be unseemly.

I'm yet to see an edit of Ep1 that makes the film watchable for me, but this sounds promising.
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Based on one of the points you are trying to make, one thing I have to point out, after the opening crawl you need to go straight into everyone escaping naboo in outer space, everything leading up to that could easily be told in a coupla lines in the crawl, and you aren't missing anything by removing it!

BTW, I don't know how this ties in with the starkiller ranch thing because I haven't read anything in those threads past the mention of recording new voices for the film!
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why not put in 'Let's get ready to Rumble' when Luke get's in with the Rancour

You, Sir, are a GENIUS!!! Someone get on this! Place it real subtle like, but up front enough to be able to make it out.

I've always thought that Anakin needed to actively save the day rather than bumbling it, he needs to get the surge of emotion and rise to the occasion, to be a child thrust into the adult world (and the damage that causes his psyche) he also needs to enjoy the power of it a little bit - he will always struggle with the love of the power and trying to do what is right.


In a related thought of mine, I've always thought, if possible, it would be neat to somehow paint out the magnet-hook thing Anakin uses during the pod-race to grab that loose cable. If it could be painted out so that only his extended hand is all that is seen, it could look like he is using the force to pull the cable back in. This would show Anakin has already developed some powers. After all, they do stress that he is the only human (on the entire planet, apparently) that can even pod-race, so obviously he already has some control of the force. It would be kind of neat to see him with a little more ability so that later on in the movie any edits during the space battle might work a little better; in that it would show he had enough control of the force to jump in a starfighter and blow up that Federation Donut by choice rather then by luck.

Make sense? If this has already been thought of or suggested in a similar project then please disregard. As far as I can recall I do not remember seeing this idea any place else.

Anyway, it would probably be too difficult to pull off, or to make it look exactly right. I know I couldn't do it. However, I just can't help but thinking how cool it would be to see him reach out his hand and use the force to reel that cable in each time I watch that scene. Lucas should have done it that way in the first place. Oh well, it's just another example of a wasted opportunity so prevalent in TPM as to cause this to probably be the most fan-edited movie out there.
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Sounds like a great edit, and would vastly improve the film. I'd love an edit where gungans are axed entierly, but alas, that is impossible.

Here's my edit of episode one, which I think is personally the best one ever accomplished, and improves the film vastly. First, I got rid of the whole film. That had to go to improve the move. Then I put my edit on no home video format. Then I put that non existant disc into no case. Now I have the film the way I want to watch it, a way I can enjoy it.
Watch DarthEvil's Who Framed Darth Vader? video on YouTube!

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One thing that annoyed me most with TPM was that almost every scene began with a conversation already in progress.

It doesn't take much to make lil Ani more interesting, just cut all the apologies.

Are you proposing Qui gon sacrifices himself in order to guide ani to save the day? that would be a fresh tie to the OT that actually makes sense rather than a backhand remark in the closing moments of the film. - Ala Yoda's muddied eplanation of force ghosts to obi wan.

I love yr idea of slimming down the climax of the movie and giving more focus to each, And wow - the idea of moving the gungan / droid battle to earlier in the film actually makes it seem interesting.

Re: Jar Jar - remember yr telling the story, so he doesn't have to be an exile at all if that means you have to work around it.

Re: yr Amida/ Padme issue. You could seriously consider not mentioning it. Back in the OT hardly anything was explained [within the films]. I know this is a hardly simple but what of keeping the padme / boss nass scene but reducing him to the sole gungan present? it would help since he's got his mug alover the big plan scenes later on. just throwing that out there.

I liked that Ani fought with greedo. I didn't like that the film was like "hey everybody, this is Greedo, okay?!".

And i think i prefer Maul being a bit of a suprise them rather than have been sitting around just waiting for thm to finally show up.

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Welcome to the boards, lth!

As the current "spokesperson" for Starkiller Ranch, let me say I am very happy that you wish to make a compatible edit. I don't know if you are aware of the Ranch's current condition, but it's in a bit of a state of limbo as I am unable to take on the load of the project at this time and as of yet no one else has stepped up to "take the reins." Your ideas seem very close to what was discussed in the Ranch thread, so if you're willing, I don't see why your edit can't BE Starkiller Ranch: Episode I. There would be some other things to discuss of course, but that's an option that's out there for you. But for now, just some general comments on your outline:

-The Title:
For whatever reason, I realy like "Master and Apprentice." Maybe because it's so different from anything that's been suggested before.
-The Beginning:
There have been suggestions to go straight to the running the blockade scene aftet the opening crawl. I think this WAY to drastic an edit as you lose a lot of good Jedi action on the Trade Federation ship. Not to mention cut a a HUGE chunk of the movie. The Naboo and Gungan stuff can be edited down, but the set-up on Naboo is essential for the return and end battles to work.
-Viceroy and the Sith:
If you were wanting to keep in the spirit of Starkiller Ranch, originally we had planned on Darth Sidious not appearing in Episode I. He is only hinted at in dialogue and the Nemoidians are the ones who call the shots, as far as the audience is concerned. With some special effects trickery, Gunray was supposed to order around Darth Maul via hologram. What are your thoguhts on this kind of alteration?
Also, if you're looking for languages, I've said this before and I'll say it again, "The Passion of the Christ" dialogue fits the Nemoidians PERFECTLY. Of course there the is the question of there being enough source material, but I would love to see this happen in an edit if possible.
-The Droids:
I'm of the opinon the droids should both be in every film, but Anakin building C-3PO is just unacceptable. There is another way of working 3PO into Episode I you could consider, but I don't want to spoil it for everyone.
-Qui-Gon:
We are on the same wavelength when it comes to Qui-Gon. Though I think the Pod Race is too early for a Force connection between him and Anakin, the space battle is a must. However, we thuroughly examined what we had to work with when doing the Ranch and could just not find the shots necessary for this to work. That was incredibly furstrating b/c making the TPM/ANH parallel was essential in our eyes to making this edit work. Maybe you can find a way to accomplish this.
-The End:
Ending the film with Qui-Gon's funeral never worked for me personally as the celebration seemed so mandatory, but lately I've come to see the advantages of such an edit and would support it as long as it flowed.

I look forward to dicussing this more with you.
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Originally posted by: Johnny Ringo
One thing that annoyed me most with TPM was that almost every scene began with a conversation already in progress.

It doesn't take much to make lil Ani more interesting, just cut all the apologies.

Are you proposing Qui gon sacrifices himself in order to guide ani to save the day? that would be a fresh tie to the OT that actually makes sense rather than a backhand remark in the closing moments of the film. - Ala Yoda's muddied eplanation of force ghosts to obi wan.

I love yr idea of slimming down the climax of the movie and giving more focus to each, And wow - the idea of moving the gungan / droid battle to earlier in the film actually makes it seem interesting.

Re: Jar Jar - remember yr telling the story, so he doesn't have to be an exile at all if that means you have to work around it.

Re: yr Amida/ Padme issue. You could seriously consider not mentioning it. Back in the OT hardly anything was explained [within the films]. I know this is a hardly simple but what of keeping the padme / boss nass scene but reducing him to the sole gungan present? it would help since he's got his mug alover the big plan scenes later on. just throwing that out there.

I liked that Ani fought with greedo. I didn't like that the film was like "hey everybody, this is Greedo, okay?!".

And i think i prefer Maul being a bit of a suprise them rather than have been sitting around just waiting for thm to finally show up.

I think most of these are right on. I like the idea of having Jar Jar as the only Gungan until Amidala asks Jar Jar for help and he amasses the army.

Originally posted by: Commander Courage
Welcome to the boards, lth!

As the current "spokesperson" for Starkiller Ranch, let me say I am very happy that you wish to make a compatible edit. I don't know if you are aware of the Ranch's current condition, but it's in a bit of a state of limbo as I am unable to take on the load of the project at this time and as of yet no one else has stepped up to "take the reins." Your ideas seem very close to what was discussed in the Ranch thread, so if you're willing, I don't see why your edit can't BE Starkiller Ranch: Episode I. There would be some other things to discuss of course, but that's an option that's out there for you. But for now, just some general comments on your outline:

-The Title:
For whatever reason, I realy like "Master and Apprentice." Maybe because it's so different from anything that's been suggested before.
-The Beginning:
There have been suggestions to go straight to the running the blockade scene aftet the opening crawl. I think this WAY to drastic an edit as you lose a lot of good Jedi action on the Trade Federation ship. Not to mention cut a a HUGE chunk of the movie. The Naboo and Gungan stuff can be edited down, but the set-up on Naboo is essential for the return and end battles to work.
-Viceroy and the Sith:
If you were wanting to keep in the spirit of Starkiller Ranch, originally we had planned on Darth Sidious not appearing in Episode I. He is only hinted at in dialogue and the Nemoidians are the ones who call the shots, as far as the audience is concerned. With some special effects trickery, Gunray was supposed to order around Darth Maul via hologram. What are your thoguhts on this kind of alteration?
Also, if you're looking for languages, I've said this before and I'll say it again, "The Passion of the Christ" dialogue fits the Nemoidians PERFECTLY. Of course there the is the question of there being enough source material, but I would love to see this happen in an edit if possible.
-The Droids:
I'm of the opinon the droids should both be in every film, but Anakin building C-3PO is just unacceptable. There is another way of working 3PO into Episode I you could consider, but I don't want to spoil it for everyone.
-Qui-Gon:
We are on the same wavelength when it comes to Qui-Gon. Though I think the Pod Race is too early for a Force connection between him and Anakin, the space battle is a must. However, we thuroughly examined what we had to work with when doing the Ranch and could just not find the shots necessary for this to work. That was incredibly furstrating b/c making the TPM/ANH parallel was essential in our eyes to making this edit work. Maybe you can find a way to accomplish this.
-The End:
Ending the film with Qui-Gon's funeral never worked for me personally as the celebration seemed so mandatory, but lately I've come to see the advantages of such an edit and would support it as long as it flowed.

I look forward to dicussing this more with you.


Having this be the Ranch version would work nicely as things are a bit stagnant there now. If this happens, I'd hope the suggestions from the Ranch would continue as before.

And CC, your mysterious comment about 3PO has me curious. Check your PM's.
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I have to admit I missed the whole 'Starkiller Ranch' thing, it sounds like I'd better go read it.
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I feel like a fool for asking but can someone please point me toward some starkiller threads? I am at a loss for what to search for and 'starkiller ranch' found nothing.
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I'm kinda having the same problem right now.
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I humbly offer a reworded crawl:

http://www.erikstormtrooper.com/ep1_new_crawl.gif

I like it.

All of your ideas for this edit sound really good. Since you'll be cutting the podrace to one lap, I'll definitely be checking this out when you're done.

You know of the rebellion against the Empire?

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Hello to everyone, and thank you for the welcome. It's somewhat life-affirming to find a community on the Internet that's so friendly.

I'll reply to everyone's comments in order in following posts.
I am NOT a committee!
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On "this being Starkiller Ep1": I wouldn't like to commit to that at this stage. We've barely met! I'm not ready yet... I haven't even finished the training!
I am NOT a committee!
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I really like that crawl, Erik. The last paragraph could use some work but on the whole, a great job. The opening sentence is worthy of "Star Wars."

On "this being Starkiller Ep1": I wouldn't like to commit to that at this stage. We've barely met! I'm not ready yet... I haven't even finished the training!

I understand; that's just something to think about. It's a big responsibility after all.
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On Laserman's totally excellent post:

You are so right about Anakin. That's exactly how his motivation should be captured. Thanks for that.

About Greg Proops: yes. No commentary on the race at all. This isn't fucking Nascar. I want to eliminate as many of the crowd shots as possible and focus on Anakin.

"Removing" R2 is in the sense of eliminating 'his' scene repairing the nubian on exit from Naboo, and is one of a set of edits that need making because Lucas has thrown in spurious 'adventure' elements to the story in numerous places - see also "there's always a bigger fish" and the bongo at the waterfall scene. Handily, all of these happen in the first third, so removing them gets us to Anakin faster anyway.

The crawl needing more balls: yes. Totally. That first crack by me wasn't a serious attempt, btw, just trying to sketch out the kind of information that should appear in it. I'll tackle this again in response to Erikstormtrooper.

A somber ending: yes, that's what I'd like. I'm toying with the idea of having an epilogue crawl in blue to match the credits. Any thoughts?
I am NOT a committee!
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Originally posted by: DarthBalls1138
Based on one of the points you are trying to make, one thing I have to point out, after the opening crawl you need to go straight into everyone escaping naboo in outer space, everything leading up to that could easily be told in a coupla lines in the crawl, and you aren't missing anything by removing it!


I disagree. Qui-Gonn is too good a character to cut much of him out. Liam Neeson is the only serious actor of the lot.

I am NOT a committee!
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Originally posted by: Miasta

In a related thought of mine, I've always thought, if possible, it would be neat to somehow paint out the magnet-hook thing Anakin uses during the pod-race to grab that loose cable.... This would show Anakin has already developed some powers.


It's an interesting idea. Technically difficult (for me, anyway) and I'm not sure a kid with kooky force powers would go as unnoticed as he has done on Tatooine.

I am NOT a committee!
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Originally posted by: Johnny Ringo

Are you proposing Qui gon sacrifices himself in order to guide ani to save the day?

Re: Jar Jar - remember yr telling the story, so he doesn't have to be an exile at all if that means you have to work around it.

Re: yr Amida/ Padme issue. You could seriously consider not mentioning it. Back in the OT hardly anything was explained [within the films]. I know this is a hardly simple but what of keeping the padme / boss nass scene but reducing him to the sole gungan present? it would help since he's got his mug alover the big plan scenes later on. just throwing that out there.

And i think i prefer Maul being a bit of a suprise them rather than have been sitting around just waiting for thm to finally show up.


Thanks. I wasn't proposing Qui-Gonn sacrifices himself, but now that you mention it, it's certainly something to think about. As mentioned elsewhere, there may not be the footage to pull it off, because there simply isn't a held shot on Qui-Gonn as he gets killed in the same way that there is one of Obi-Wan.

Good point on Jar Jar, and one I'll definitely take on board.

Finally, I believe that the Padme/Amidala thing has to be revealed at some point. I'm toying with putting it in the throne room just as Padme is forced to surrender near the end of the movie. No idea how though.

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Originally posted by: Commander Courage

-Viceroy and the Sith:
If you were wanting to keep in the spirit of Starkiller Ranch, originally we had planned on Darth Sidious not appearing in Episode I. He is only hinted at in dialogue and the Nemoidians are the ones who call the shots, as far as the audience is concerned. With some special effects trickery, Gunray was supposed to order around Darth Maul via hologram. What are your thoguhts on this kind of alteration?
Also, if you're looking for languages, I've said this before and I'll say it again, "The Passion of the Christ" dialogue fits the Nemoidians PERFECTLY. Of course there the is the question of there being enough source material, but I would love to see this happen in an edit if possible.
-The Droids:
I'm of the opinon the droids should both be in every film, but Anakin building C-3PO is just unacceptable. There is another way of working 3PO into Episode I you could consider, but I don't want to spoil it for everyone.
-Qui-Gon:
We are on the same wavelength when it comes to Qui-Gon. Though I think the Pod Race is too early for a Force connection between him and Anakin, the space battle is a must. However, we thuroughly examined what we had to work with when doing the Ranch and could just not find the shots necessary for this to work. That was incredibly furstrating b/c making the TPM/ANH parallel was essential in our eyes to making this edit work. Maybe you can find a way to accomplish this.
-The End:
Ending the film with Qui-Gon's funeral never worked for me personally as the celebration seemed so mandatory, but lately I've come to see the advantages of such an edit and would support it as long as it flowed.


Tell me more of the plans for Sidious. I'll quite happily knock him out in favour of Maul, who is a better bad guy anyway. Also, as a deep-voiced Brit, I'm inclined to dub Maul myself. Or set up a fund to hire Pete Serafinowicz (£500 should just about do it, I reckon. This is not a joke, incidentally).

The droids don't add anything to the prequels - they frequently get in the way, and 'break stuff' running into the OT. I'd refer to R2 by a different model number if I could get away with it.

Qui-Gonn: I think it can be done. Maybe not unsubtlely enough, but I think it can be done.

The funeral: the celebration simply has to go in my edit - the Gungans are all dead by the end of the film anyway.

Cheers!
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Originally posted by: Erikstormtrooper
I humbly offer a reworded crawl...


Good try. As Laserman said, I think it needs to be even harder hitting. Something like:
"The Galactic Republic is crumbling. All eyes rest on the tiny backwater of Naboo, as the Galactic Trade Federation prepare to enslave the population with their army of droids. With the Republic Senate frozen in bureaucracy, the Jedi Council reluctantly send two juniors of its order to resolve the dispute.

Meanwhile, across the galaxy, an unsuspecting young slave's strange talents are about to come of age..."

I personally hate the crawls and Lucas's reliance on them to tell back story. Ideally they'd be as short as possible and run up the screen about three times as fast.

I am NOT a committee!