How are you planning on addressing the Sith and the reorganization of the Republic into the Empire, if at all? I kind of like the idea of Palpatine circuitously talking about "the cause," and "our brothers in the Sith." It could reflect the 1950s fear of communism in the government, but the communists are also anti-Jedi occultists. I don't know how the occult was portrayed in the film noir era, but I'd borrow language from RL occultism.
Palpatine would secretly be "the Grand Master of the Sith." Upon rescuing him from Jedi Master Windu, Anakin would be elevated to "Lord of the Sith," "one of the Dark Lords of the Sith," etc. Anakin would use his Sith philosophy and his advancement in the Order to justify spending less time with his wife or the Jedi. He's a convert, full of a convert's zeal, he's found the True Way now and what do those other people matter anymore?
You've said some of this will be Anakin narrating. When is he narrating this? That would influence how he views the events that have happened. Is his life flashing before his eyes as he lays dying on Mustafar? Is he at the height of his power in the Empire, reminiscing how he got there? Dying on the DSII?