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Simple Storytelling — Page 8

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A weird scene, that was. In the middle of the desert there was this kid, no older than 12, selling bullets in exchange for a drawing of a lamb! Sadly, Johnson did not get at first the obscure literary reference.
“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering
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Paying for the bullets with his slice of cheese and half their wait in gold, Johnson loaded BOPAD and prepared for a duel to the death with John Wayne.

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MEANWHILE
Behind the facade of this innocent looking bookstore, John Wayne was making some preperations of his own
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Seeing that his new found nemeses always had the most bizarre set of events ocurring to him in a positive way, such as pokemon powers and future-set doctors coming to save his horse, John Wayne realized that a common weapon was not going to kill Johnson and Horse the way he wanted them to be killed: in a deadly, fatal way. So, drawing on the bluprints, he came up with an ingenious yet bizarre weapon that could end Johnson's life once and for all, a weapon the next person here will describe:
“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering
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Growing up anachronistically, John Wayne spent a lot of time playing the board game Mouse Trap, so his evil plan was based almost exactly on that convoluted way of catching mice!

There is no lingerie in space…

C3PX said: Gaffer is like that hot girl in high school that you think you have a chance with even though she is way out of your league because she is sweet and not a stuck up bitch who pretends you don’t exist… then one day you spot her making out with some skinny twerp, only on second glance you realize it is the goth girl who always sits in the back of class; at that moment it dawns on you why she is never seen hanging off the arm of any of the jocks… and you realize, damn, she really is unobtainable after all. Not that that is going to stop you from dreaming… Only in this case, Gaffer is actually a guy.

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While Wayne built his giant mousetrap, Johnson pondered the strange literary reference of a boy selling bullets for a drawing of a lamb, but could not figure it out.

War does not make one great.

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Finally, John Wayne finished his giant moustrap, which, was indeed almost exactly like moustrap except for a few more lethal touches that John had added, such as:

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a knife, an ice pick, a hatchett, 6 knitting needles, and a broken whiskey bottle, fully-automatic military assult rifles with night vision & lazer scopes, phospherous grenades, cluster bombs, anti-personnel fragmentation mines, a pool of extremely ill-tempered sea bass with frikkin lazers on their heads, and, to top it all off, one strategically placed spork
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Unfortunately for both Johnson and John Wayne, Kenny Rogers picked up the American Express Card that Johnson had in his poker hand and used it to hire a feared gunman who looked almost exactly like Clint Eastwood to kill both John Wayne and Johnson so he could have the entire pot of winnings for himself!
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John Wayne, after winning the #1 prize at the science fair and borrowing it to his son to exibit on school's "show and tell", decided it was time to use his weapon on a deadly duel of "gunner" versus "deus ex machina-esque insane technical gizmo". So he took his 1800s cell phone, which was the size of a camel and powered by steam, and called Johson, to arrange a duel in front of the small Sergioleone church, the following day at noon. Pacific time. Daylight saving time.
“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering
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Which was 8pm in London, where a cat dressed as a frog sat twiddling his thumbs whilst telepathically watching the events in Sergioleone unfold.

War does not make one great.

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What Johnson didn't know, as he loaded his gun with the acronym I can't recall at the moment, was that the bullets sold by the little prince from Antoine de Saint-Exupéry's Le Petit Prince were magical bullets... On the meanwhile, Clint Eastwood Look Alike was setling his deal with Kenny Rogers:

"I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. Get a coffin ready."

"But I'm hiring you to kill both John Wayne and Johnson!"

"My mistake. Two coffins."

"Cut the movie references and go kill them! Ten grand, right? Here's my credit card."
“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering
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Clint Eastwood shook his head. "I only accept cash," he said. Rodgers cursed his rotten luck and went to find a steam-powered 1800s ATM machine.

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Meanwhile, Johnson shook his head and laughed as he finally caught the literary reference!

There is no lingerie in space…

C3PX said: Gaffer is like that hot girl in high school that you think you have a chance with even though she is way out of your league because she is sweet and not a stuck up bitch who pretends you don’t exist… then one day you spot her making out with some skinny twerp, only on second glance you realize it is the goth girl who always sits in the back of class; at that moment it dawns on you why she is never seen hanging off the arm of any of the jocks… and you realize, damn, she really is unobtainable after all. Not that that is going to stop you from dreaming… Only in this case, Gaffer is actually a guy.

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Suddenly, the telepathic cat in London gasped, drawing attention from passersby who had thought it was a frog, which are born without lungs and therefore probably don't know how to gasp once they develop them upon reaching adult hood, because the cat realized that if John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, Kenny Rodgers, and Johnson all collided, a paradox would be created--one that would destroy not this universe, but the five closest universes to this one.

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Clint Eastwood Look Alike got into his black horse and went to Sergioleone. Johnson and John Wayne were on the move for their duel as well. They were all going to face each other soon...
“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering
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***48 hours later***


...maybe not so much sooner as later, but definately sooner than never, which when subtracted by later & then divided by now, does indeed equal SOON...
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The cat, charging up his mind, prepaired to telepathically shout at everyone in Sergioleone to 'SToP' (a little o, do to the fact that capital 'O's are very difficult to broadcast telepathically) and hoped that they would get the message before their meeting destroyed the other universes.

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As the message was moving telephatically into Johnson's mind through the cat's special "shine", he would see terrible images of blood. He then realized that all his life killing people was meaningless, that all one need is love, and that the duel must be cancelled! He decided to wait at the pre-arranged spot with a white flag, to show he had only peaceful intentions.
“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering
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He also began practicing a French accent to make his surrender more convincing.

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^LOL

The other gunfighters arrived at the scene to find johnson waving his white flag and...

War does not make one great.