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Simple Storytelling — Page 7

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Gasping, Mojo loudly wondered what was happening to him, exclaiming, "What is happening to me!?", and thanking his Lucky Stars that there were no agents of the Redundancy Department of Redundancy in the audience; Loretta arrived just at that moment to explain to him the truth!

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However, she got little chance to tell Mojo his destiny because, while heroes will let villains monologue, villains will seldom allow the same behavior from heroes.

There is no lingerie in space…

C3PX said: Gaffer is like that hot girl in high school that you think you have a chance with even though she is way out of your league because she is sweet and not a stuck up bitch who pretends you don’t exist… then one day you spot her making out with some skinny twerp, only on second glance you realize it is the goth girl who always sits in the back of class; at that moment it dawns on you why she is never seen hanging off the arm of any of the jocks… and you realize, damn, she really is unobtainable after all. Not that that is going to stop you from dreaming… Only in this case, Gaffer is actually a guy.

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Suddenly, Loretta, eying the green glow in the back just as the unstable reactor core causing the green glow exploded, hurled herself in between the explosion and Mojo/Reallife, her Radioactive-cockroach enhanced body taking the brunt of the explosion, even as Oxnar was bathed in gamma, delta, epsilon, chi, phi, and theta radiation.

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Which killed Oxnar, allowing us to start a new story. Loretta joined the band and they had a number one hit with a cover of Motorhead's 'Ace of Spades'. As the years went on and the band rose to untold new levels of success, it was clear that Mojo's dad had given him the Ace of Spades card to inspire him and strengthen his character. That was the secret of the card, nothing more, nothing less. Mojo's Dad (played by Sabatian Shaw) smiled down on his son.

So... New story...

There was once a gunslinger by the name of 'Squealing Pig' Johnson...

War does not make one great.

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Who lived in the Wild West with the only two things he cared for, his gun and his horse named... Horse.
“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering
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He affectionately referred to his gun as 'Bringer of pain and death', or BOPAD for short.

War does not make one great.

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Jonhson rided with his horse to the small town of Sergioleone, not knowing what to expect.
“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering
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Once he arrived, he tied Horse out front of the local saloon and joined in a poker game, with a group that looked a lot like Kenny Rogers and John Wayne.
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It became clear for Johnson he didn't have a good poker hand when he noticed his cards were "Rules for Poker and Blackjack", Pikachu for Pokemon Card Game, A Cardcaptor Sakura card, an American Express and a slice of cheese.
“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering
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He was happy with the slice of cheese, because he was hungry.
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So he at the slice of cheese and asked for a new card. Suddenly, John Wayne stood up and accused him of cheating!

There is no lingerie in space…

C3PX said: Gaffer is like that hot girl in high school that you think you have a chance with even though she is way out of your league because she is sweet and not a stuck up bitch who pretends you don’t exist… then one day you spot her making out with some skinny twerp, only on second glance you realize it is the goth girl who always sits in the back of class; at that moment it dawns on you why she is never seen hanging off the arm of any of the jocks… and you realize, damn, she really is unobtainable after all. Not that that is going to stop you from dreaming… Only in this case, Gaffer is actually a guy.

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He calmly, and politely reminded John Wayne that
a) one cannot cheat at poker with a slice of cheese no matter how hard you try (unless it's meunster cheese, which is a whole nother matter altogether) ,
and b) John Wayne is DEAD, and therefore cannot possibly be standing there accusing him of cheating with cheese, which, as was previously stated isn't possible in the first place.


*edited for spelling*


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Except that, John Wayne wasn't the man's real name (which is actually an unpronouncable Klingon symbol) but rather what the man will be called in this story due to his uncanny resemblence to John Wayne.

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And since this was set in the Wild West, it didn't matter much, since the real John Wayne wasn't born until decades later. Johson grabbed his gun and yelled "This poker game ain't fair! I didn't have any cards, only props used for comical effects on card game situations!"
“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering
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And Wayne said, "Well, I didn't cut them cards! Or that cheese!"

There is no lingerie in space…

C3PX said: Gaffer is like that hot girl in high school that you think you have a chance with even though she is way out of your league because she is sweet and not a stuck up bitch who pretends you don’t exist… then one day you spot her making out with some skinny twerp, only on second glance you realize it is the goth girl who always sits in the back of class; at that moment it dawns on you why she is never seen hanging off the arm of any of the jocks… and you realize, damn, she really is unobtainable after all. Not that that is going to stop you from dreaming… Only in this case, Gaffer is actually a guy.

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The two men stared at eachother for what seemed like an eternity...

War does not make one great.

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And... they stared some more, since none of them knew exactly what to do in such a bizarre situation. Until...
“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering
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...the shot heard round the world occurred. Of course, that's just an exaggeration to make it sound cool, which is what they had to do since they never could figure out which idiot started shooting.

There is no lingerie in space…

C3PX said: Gaffer is like that hot girl in high school that you think you have a chance with even though she is way out of your league because she is sweet and not a stuck up bitch who pretends you don’t exist… then one day you spot her making out with some skinny twerp, only on second glance you realize it is the goth girl who always sits in the back of class; at that moment it dawns on you why she is never seen hanging off the arm of any of the jocks… and you realize, damn, she really is unobtainable after all. Not that that is going to stop you from dreaming… Only in this case, Gaffer is actually a guy.

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One thing's for sure though, it wasn't Johnson who shot first because he had forgotten to put any bullets in BOPAD.

War does not make one great.

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And, sadly, he had those bullets on the losing bet, handing those precious bullets to his new found nemesis, who could use those in a not-so-great way. But, at that moment, everyone looked around to see where the shot had been fired and to where, since no one seemed injured.

EDIT: bad grammar
“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering
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At least noone in the Saloon seemed injured. But outside, Horse lay dying in a pool of blood. The bastards!!

War does not make one great.

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But Johnson knew what he had to do. He called upon the magical western properties of the Pikachu card he'd been dealt earlier. Actually, the back of the card just had the address of the nearby horse doctor written on it, but this doctor was especially gifted, utilizing medicinal practices at least 100 years ahead of his time!

There is no lingerie in space…

C3PX said: Gaffer is like that hot girl in high school that you think you have a chance with even though she is way out of your league because she is sweet and not a stuck up bitch who pretends you don’t exist… then one day you spot her making out with some skinny twerp, only on second glance you realize it is the goth girl who always sits in the back of class; at that moment it dawns on you why she is never seen hanging off the arm of any of the jocks… and you realize, damn, she really is unobtainable after all. Not that that is going to stop you from dreaming… Only in this case, Gaffer is actually a guy.

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Soon, Horse was out of his "Mr. Orange on Resevoir Dogs" position and was healed! Before Johnson could say anything, the Doctor went inside this weird booth, something he had never seen in all the Wild West, and the booth disapeared!
“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering
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Momentarily baffled by the 2 'dudes' wearing late 80s clothing who had also been in the booth, Johnson quickly regained his senses and decided to get the hell out of town. He jumped onto Horse and rode away.

War does not make one great.

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In the middle of the western wilderness, Johnson found a bullet salesman. Not wanting to be in the same stupid situation as before, he decided he'd better get some. EDIT: ...bullets, that is.

There is no lingerie in space…

C3PX said: Gaffer is like that hot girl in high school that you think you have a chance with even though she is way out of your league because she is sweet and not a stuck up bitch who pretends you don’t exist… then one day you spot her making out with some skinny twerp, only on second glance you realize it is the goth girl who always sits in the back of class; at that moment it dawns on you why she is never seen hanging off the arm of any of the jocks… and you realize, damn, she really is unobtainable after all. Not that that is going to stop you from dreaming… Only in this case, Gaffer is actually a guy.