Review my movie!

Author: Darth Chaltab
Date: 22-Jul-2006, 3:50 AM

Author: Darth Chaltab
Time: 22-Jul-2006 3:50 AM
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Hey, I guess this is as good a place as any, since we're all [supposedly] Star Wars fans here. It's space western with robots and such, called Aldranea. I made it in the PC game "The Movies" and had some help with the voices from the Voice Acting Club

ALDRANEA: The Movie

Google Video Link
Putfile Link

Also... If you don't like it, WHY you don't like it would be appreciated.

Author: PSYCHO_DAYV
Time: 22-Jul-2006 7:14 PM
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AS FUN AS WATCHING MACHINEMA CAN BE THE PACE WAS TOO SLOW. YOU NEED TO TIGHTEN UP THE "MOVIE." SOME BETTER SOUND EFFECTS WOULD HELP AS WELL. THE DIALOGUE WAS TO "MECHANICAL." YOUR VOICE ACTORS NEED TO GIVE THE CHARACTERS SOME EMOTION.

"I'VE GROWN TIRED OF ASKING, SO THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME..."
The Mangler Bros. Psycho Dayv Armchaireviews Notes on Suicide

Author: Darth Chaltab
Time: 23-Jul-2006 3:09 AM
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Dayv said via PM:

OH, I LIKED IT, BUT THE PACING WAS RATHER SLOW. YOU CAN FIND ALL KINDS OF SOUND EFFECTS TO DOWNLOAD ON THE NET. I LIKED THE CUTTING BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN SCENES. YOU DID A GOOD JOB OF THAT. YOUR VOICE ACTORS JUST DIDN'T CAPTURE THE CHARACTERS VERY WELL. THEY LACKED EMOTION IN THEIR PERFORMANCES.

See, that last line is especially depressing since I did all the male voices in the thing. (Not by design, just because the guy who was supposed to play the captain quit at the last minute.) Urk. I'll look into what can be cut to improve the pacing. Thanks for not sugar-coating.

Author: Yoda Is Your Father
Time: 23-Jul-2006 12:32 PM
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I think you maybe need to explain the whole thing about the girl being a rare kind of sought after alien before the robot comes in and starts beating on her. That girl was hot, BTW.

War does not make one great.

Author: PSYCHO_DAYV
Time: 23-Jul-2006 2:20 PM
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I AGREE WITH YIYF. SOME KIND OF EXPLAINATION WOULD HELP THE STORY.

"I'VE GROWN TIRED OF ASKING, SO THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME..."
The Mangler Bros. Psycho Dayv Armchaireviews Notes on Suicide

Author: Darth Chaltab
Time: 23-Jul-2006 5:56 PM
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Hm... That's probably a good point. I can't really think of a way to insert it and make it feel/flow naturally though. Any suggestions?

Author: Yoda Is Your Father
Time: 23-Jul-2006 8:19 PM
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Exposition is tough in such a short film. The only thing I can think of off the top of my head is some kind of title crawl. It's not very original, but it works: Even Superman Returns used a brief title card to explain that he has been away for 5 years in search of Krypton.

Or maybe you could have the sheriff recognise that she is one of these aliens and she says to the captain 'that girl you're with, is she a whatever' and he says yeah and explains that it's dangerous for her kind to be on this planet because people want to capture her so if she would hurry up and join his crew that would be nice so they could take off. Also, in the opening scene when they mind their horses he could tell her to be careful because there are people who want to capture her and she says 'yeah I know, it's not easy being a whatever these days' (sorry, can't remember the name of the species so i keep calling them whatever).

War does not make one great.

Author: PSYCHO_DAYV
Time: 23-Jul-2006 8:34 PM
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THAT SHOULD WORK.

"I'VE GROWN TIRED OF ASKING, SO THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME..."
The Mangler Bros. Psycho Dayv Armchaireviews Notes on Suicide

Author: Darth Chaltab
Time: 23-Jul-2006 9:07 PM
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Hm, thanks. It would be best if I could do it in a way that doesn't require either female to talk since I'd have to contact them again and have them do some more lines. I might be able to add a scene at the start with the Captain saying something to the effect of it.

Author: Yoda Is Your Father
Time: 24-Jul-2006 12:13 AM
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If all else fails, go with the title crawl.

War does not make one great.

Author: PSYCHO_DAYV
Time: 24-Jul-2006 2:23 AM
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OR YOU COULD JUST RERECORD THE FEMALE VOICE ENTIRELY USING SOMEBODY ELSE.

"I'VE GROWN TIRED OF ASKING, SO THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME..."
The Mangler Bros. Psycho Dayv Armchaireviews Notes on Suicide

Author: Darth Chaltab
Time: 24-Jul-2006 3:14 AM
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Well, I put in a title crawl. I really don't like to do that, but...

Anyway, in the two days since I uploaded the first version, Google has apparenlty massively changed their upload process, so the redone version won't be available for view there for a few more days.

http://media.putfile.com/Aldranea---Special-Edition Here is the Putfile version.

Author: JangoxFett
Time: 24-Jul-2006 4:59 AM
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Seeing this short film got me thinking of another film called: Oblivion.

its not bad. the girl in white dress was a hotty. if there is a part 2 I would suggest it take place on a space ship with hall ways like in the game Doom. and the good guys are looking for something in one of the many rooms on the ship. and maybe have the robot chasing them.

IMO.

§ JxF §

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http://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k200/Jediii_2006/box/starwars_ani.gif

http://img118.imageshack.us/img118/489/bluraydisc2lk9.jpg

Author: Darth Chaltab
Time: 24-Jul-2006 5:39 PM
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I've already 'shot' the sequel in the game, though I'm still debating on whether or not to dub it.

Author: PSYCHO_DAYV
Time: 24-Jul-2006 11:56 PM
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THE ADDITION OF THE TITLE CRAWL MADE ALL THE DIFFERENCE.

"I'VE GROWN TIRED OF ASKING, SO THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME..."
The Mangler Bros. Psycho Dayv Armchaireviews Notes on Suicide

Author: Darth Chaltab
Time: 25-Jul-2006 12:19 AM
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Really? I figured it would make the slow pace even more distracting.

Author: PSYCHO_DAYV
Time: 25-Jul-2006 12:25 AM
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THE TALK WITH THE SHERRIF STILL SLOWS DOWN THE PACE, BUT THE CRAWL GIVES THE VIEWERS IMPORTANT INFORMATION WHICH GAINS THEIR ATTENTION.

"I'VE GROWN TIRED OF ASKING, SO THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME..."
The Mangler Bros. Psycho Dayv Armchaireviews Notes on Suicide