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20 years ago, would anyone believe... — Page 2

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I have a few...
-Jabba would be changed from a fear-inspiring, loathsome crime lord into dim-witted creature, easly smooth talked by Han into getting a second chance
-Jabba hires only really stupid thugs to collect his debts who can't shoot someone only a few inches away
-Anakin would be more of a whiney brat than a heroic figure.
-A jedi can slaughter a whole tribe on innocent sand people,act only in his own self-interest, and kill Count Dooku in a rage, and yet not turn to the dark side
-Christopher Lee would be a sith lord (wait, that one was actually good)
-Obi-Wan wouldn't be taught by Yoda, like he told Luke.
-Vader wouldn't really hunt down and destroy any Jedi. Stormtroopers did most of the work for him in a sneak attack. Vader only killed a bunch of little kids in a few minutes who were all in the same place.
-Yoda goes from being a wise jedi master to a stupid, short-sighted fool who was mostly part of the problems of the old republic
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- That Obi Wan would hang out in a fifties diner

- That N-Sync would play Jedi

- That Star Wars fans would actually be anti-Lucas

- That we would even be having thsi discussion

War does not make one great.

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Originally posted by: Tiptup
Originally posted by: JennyS1138
2. Battlestar Galactica would be getting better reviews than Star Wars.


Oh, I forgot to say that this one gave me a pretty good laugh.



Thanks, I'm glad you liked it
George Lucas was seduced by the dark side. The OOT ceased to exist in his mind and became the Special Editions...." "They're more maching now than movies. Twisted and evil."
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Originally posted by: andy_k_250
All of these things are good points and they all point to the one inherent flaw in the Prequel Trilogy that is responsible for all other flaws -

If you had seen the Original Trilogy and knew even a smattering of the back story not mentioned in the movie (such as the intro from the original SW novelization regarding Palpatine), nothing could have prepared you for what would eventually be put into the prequels.

It would be like if you heard all about a movie that was coming out soon, heard little bits and pieces and connected some dots in your head, and then when the movie came out, all the movie was was video of a person in a bathroom, pooping. You heard stuff about Clone Wars, Mandalorian battle armor, the Old Republic, Anakin being a great pilot, etc. and then you go watch video of pooping.

Okay, it wasn't quite that dramatic of a difference, but the PT was definitely not what people expected to see given all of the "canonical" information provided in the OT and sundry early sources.

I'll add some items to this growing list:

- That the clones in the Clone Wars were all clones of Boba Fett's father.
- That there weren't several genetic fathers/mothers for clones.
- That there wasn't at least one cloned Jedi/Sith warrior.
- That Boba Fett's armor was not Mandalorian battle armor, as used by many soldiers in the Clone Wars (didn't everyone think that to begin prior to the PT?) but instead a dirty looking version of his father's shiny suit.
- That Palpatine dreamed up an overly elaborate scheme to pit an expensive robotic army (paid for by him?) against an expensive clone army (paid for by him?), all to destabilize society enough for him to sneakily snatch power over the course of several years, rather than staging a military coup with his combined forces.


OMG- do you know how much I HATED the droid army? They were horrible and they were pathetic looking. Plus they made the Stormtroopers look coordinated.

George Lucas was seduced by the dark side. The OOT ceased to exist in his mind and became the Special Editions...." "They're more maching now than movies. Twisted and evil."
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This keeps getting better and better. How about....

-C3PO's head would be screwed onto another droid's body in an attempt at humor
-Cloud City was actually a shopping mall (when Lando makes the announcement to evacuate in the SE, it looks like the people listening were shopping there!)
-Leia's mother was allowed to wear underwear in space.
-Anakin was once a slave on Tatooine and his owner was an ugly flying slug with a strange accent
-there were once double sided lightsabers, which went out of style
-Yoda would utter the line, "not if anything to say about it I have."
-When Obiwan said "your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough" actually meant, "I took this lightsaber from your father as I left him to catch on fire by a flaming lake of lava."
-Uncle Owen barely knew Anakin and met him AFTER Anakin had gotten "involved"
-A Jedi named Qui-gon Ginn was the one who took it upon himself to train Anakin as a Jedi.
George Lucas was seduced by the dark side. The OOT ceased to exist in his mind and became the Special Editions...." "They're more maching now than movies. Twisted and evil."
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...that a director could con Ian McDiarmid into pulling silly faces

...that Jedi and Sith (Mace's arresting forces and Darth Maul) could be killed, during saber combat, in the stupidest ways possible. Maul just stood and watched, and the arresting Jedi just seemed to wait to get slashed

...that Darth Vader would "milk the giant cow" yelling "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

...Elan Sleazebaggano. Seriously. Somebody thought this was a good idea

..."the best star pilot in the galaxy" won a battle through the dumbest of dumb luck

..."Turn to the dark side." "No!" (beat) "Okay, I will". This is the true story of what happened to Darth Vader.

...after 16 years, the Yoda puppet looked like it had Down's syndrome.

...there are more lightsaber colors than Jedi robe colors

...Darth Vader hates sand

...Again, I must point out the utter ridiculousness of the name Elan Sleazebaggano

...people in the bar in Coruscant were watching a game of Cyberball.

more to come...

Want to book yourself or a guest on THE VFP Show? PM me!

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- The computer displays got less technically advanced as time went on.

-Wookies fly around in ships that look like giant mosquito's.
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Originally posted by: Mike O
It seems that Lucas has been too busy viewing Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope to actually watch Star Wars, the film which was released in 1977.
Originally posted by: andy_k_250
You forgot Special Edition.
Originally posted by: Gaffer Tape
It was implied by calling it Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope.

Um...


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Originally posted by: THX
Originally posted by: Mike O
It seems that Lucas has been too busy viewing Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope to actually watch Star Wars, the film which was released in 1977.
Originally posted by: andy_k_250
You forgot Special Edition.
Originally posted by: Gaffer Tape
It was implied by calling it Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope.

Um...


LOL

“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”

Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death

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That the star wars trilogy would be the highest-grossing franchise that will be destroyed
Racism would be revived in the form of JarJar Binks
That Clones would seem too much like our present
That Luke was born first
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Originally posted by: JennyS1138

-Cloud City was actually a shopping mall (when Lando makes the announcement to evacuate in the SE, it looks like the people listening were shopping there!)


LOL. Maybe it was a Bespin Blue Light Special.
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Originally posted by: JennyS1138


-Leia's mother was allowed to wear underwear in space.


Whoah, wait. When do you get to see Padme in her underwear? This I have to see!

There is no lingerie in space…

C3PX said: Gaffer is like that hot girl in high school that you think you have a chance with even though she is way out of your league because she is sweet and not a stuck up bitch who pretends you don’t exist… then one day you spot her making out with some skinny twerp, only on second glance you realize it is the goth girl who always sits in the back of class; at that moment it dawns on you why she is never seen hanging off the arm of any of the jocks… and you realize, damn, she really is unobtainable after all. Not that that is going to stop you from dreaming… Only in this case, Gaffer is actually a guy.

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Originally posted by: generalfrevious
That the star wars trilogy would be the highest-grossing franchise that will be destroyed
Racism would be revived in the form of JarJar Binks
That Clones would seem too much like our present
That Luke was born first



Much as I hate the prequels and love any chance to lay the smack-down, I've always sort of rolled my eyes at the charges of racism in the character of Jar Jar Binks, or any of the PT characters. They're just characters in a SW movie, and those characters, no matter how alien they're supposed to be, are always based on human traits, caricatures, and stereotypes. They have to be. Human reality is the only one we know. You can't create a character without someone drawing a parallel to perceived real world counterparts, no matter how strange you make them. And since its a black guy doing Jar Jar Binks to begin with, I find the accusations of racism even more funny. The character may have been a poor choice in some people's eyes in terms of how he was portrayed, but racist...not really. Annoying as all hell? Yes.

When Clones came out I remember some whack-job college professor on CNN or something talking about the "racism" of Clones. His chief argument, no matter how weak, was that the clones themselves represented hispanic people as slaves to the establishment. He saw dark hair, darker skin and eyes and assumed they were Hispanic. The fact that they were actually Kiwis didn't seem to matter to him. I guess for him all dark skinned and dark haired people look alike.

In this day and age everyone has their hyper-sensitivity meter set to overdrive. I don't know how people get through the day sometimes. Really, I don't. They're Star Wars films, period. And Lucas may be lots of things, but a racist the guy ain't.

I've heard people say that Anakin/ Vader is racist portrayal. Why? Because when Anakin's a good guy, he's a pretty white guy, and when he's bad he's a tough guy in a big balck suit with a deep voice. If this is the kind of stuff people get from watching a Star Wars movie, then they need to just lock themselves in their houses and up their meds because the world is too difficult a place for them to function in.

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Thank you! This politically correct bullcrap needs to be dumped off somewhere. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. In fact, most of the time it is. And those times it isn't... well, get over it! Things are only offensive when people choose to be offended by them.

There is no lingerie in space…

C3PX said: Gaffer is like that hot girl in high school that you think you have a chance with even though she is way out of your league because she is sweet and not a stuck up bitch who pretends you don’t exist… then one day you spot her making out with some skinny twerp, only on second glance you realize it is the goth girl who always sits in the back of class; at that moment it dawns on you why she is never seen hanging off the arm of any of the jocks… and you realize, damn, she really is unobtainable after all. Not that that is going to stop you from dreaming… Only in this case, Gaffer is actually a guy.

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Another thing
That the PT would be explicity ripping off famous scenes from famous movies
That Qui-Gon Jinn would exist
That there would be a darth vader Mr.Potato head
The DVDs would be a commercial for other products
VHS and DVD would be a curse for the life of the OOT
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Originally posted by: JennyS1138
Could you imagine if someone had told Star Wars fans this info, 20 years ago? Who would believe that:

1. George Lucas would eventually treat the OOT like Howard the Duck.
2. Battlestar Galactica would be getting better reviews than Star Wars.
3. Ian McDiarmid would appear in The Empire Strikes Back.
4. Darth Vader had no father. His mother carried him, she gave birth to him, but coudn't explain what happened.
5. A Star Wars character would be created that made the Ewoks look good
6. Yoda and the Emperor would have a lightsaber duel.
7. Despite the fact that Leia remembered her, Luke and Leia's mother would die seconds after giving birth.
8. Chewie and Yoda were pals back in the day.
9. Darth Vader was C3PO's father.
10. R2D2 flew (he had a hover coversion but the flying circuits were destroyed)
11. Darth Vader turned to the Dark Side to prevent his pregnant wife from dying.

any other ideas?


No, actually I didn't see any of those coming. Ouch
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Originally posted by: JennyS1138
Could you imagine if someone had told Star Wars fans this info, 20 years ago? Who would believe that:

1. George Lucas would eventually treat the OOT like Howard the Duck.
2. Battlestar Galactica would be getting better reviews than Star Wars.
3. Ian McDiarmid would appear in The Empire Strikes Back.
4. Darth Vader had no father. His mother carried him, she gave birth to him, but coudn't explain what happened.
5. A Star Wars character would be created that made the Ewoks look good
6. Yoda and the Emperor would have a lightsaber duel.
7. Despite the fact that Leia remembered her, Luke and Leia's mother would die seconds after giving birth.
8. Chewie and Yoda were pals back in the day.
9. Darth Vader was C3PO's father.
10. R2D2 flew (he had a hover coversion but the flying circuits were destroyed)
11. Darth Vader turned to the Dark Side to prevent his pregnant wife from dying.

any other ideas?


Those are some points that should be brought up in Lucas' next psych evaluation.

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That Darth would no longer be Lord Vaders name but a (second) title.
That the Emperor was also a Darth.
That Vader was in his 40's and Alec Guinnesses Kenobi was in his 50's going by the prequels.
The the Empire was only as old as Luke and Leia.
That a Death Star takes 20 years to build.
That Jedi's are dull celibates.
That the Force and the Jedi would become stuff of ancient myth in only two decades.
That all alien races can speak speak perfect english, albeit with dodgey accents.
That there would be a whole army of robots more effeminate than C3PO.

That there would be more star wars movies after Jedi.
That as adults they'd still be buying star wars toys
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Originally posted by: Gaffer Tape
Originally posted by: JennyS1138


-Leia's mother was allowed to wear underwear in space.


Whoah, wait. When do you get to see Padme in her underwear? This I have to see!


They didn't show her in her underwear, but Carrie Fisher said she bet Padme got to wear a bra even though George said she couldn't because there was no underwear in space

George Lucas was seduced by the dark side. The OOT ceased to exist in his mind and became the Special Editions...." "They're more maching now than movies. Twisted and evil."
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some more....

-Luke and Leia's mother would age about 13 years during the prequels, but would be played by the same actress in all three films.
-Lucas would re-release the OT every few years, each time with supposed improvements
-The reason that Anakin became a Jedi was because his slave owner lost a bet on a podrace
-John Williams would come up with just one notable piece for the prequels (Duel of the Fates)
-Lucas would complain about not having time to make non Star Wars films, but would continue revamping the OT.
-George Lucas would paint his face blue and appear onscreen in one of the prequels
-Ian McDiarmid would someday play a much younger Palpatine 16-22 years after Jedi
-Jedi can breath under water simply by putting a little piece of plastic in their mouths
-the romance between Anakin and his wife was chock fun of nausiating dialogue
-there would be a Jedi named Count Dooku
-Anakin mostly resented Obiwan even when he was a Jedi
-Lucas's cough would be used for a character (Grevious)
George Lucas was seduced by the dark side. The OOT ceased to exist in his mind and became the Special Editions...." "They're more maching now than movies. Twisted and evil."
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Originally posted by: JennyS1138
-George Lucas would paint his face blue and appear onscreen in one of the prequels

Was George in one of the prequels? I must have missed that-LOL! I did spot one of his daughters, though.

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On a related note, who woulda believed that a 'Lucas Family' toy set would be available?!

War does not make one great.

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Originally posted by: Mielr
Originally posted by: JennyS1138
-George Lucas would paint his face blue and appear onscreen in one of the prequels

Was George in one of the prequels? I must have missed that-LOL! I did spot one of his daughters, though.


George can be seen standing outside the theatre in Sith.
George Lucas was seduced by the dark side. The OOT ceased to exist in his mind and became the Special Editions...." "They're more maching now than movies. Twisted and evil."