I have a suggestion that I don't know exactly how to impliment-- but the idea would be to introduce a mini-story that gets told through the sound-track of clone-soldiers speaking on com-link. It would echo the way com-link dialogue made the Death Star run work.
If we had a little of this:
CLONE 1: "TC17, see if you can get past that first droid line"
CLONE 2: "I think I've got it-- NOOOO!"
CLONE 3: "We lost TC17-- Mothar Squad, get over there now!"
CLONE 1: "Roger"
CLONE 3: "They're coming in on Rolling Artilery Batteries now, launch the counter-measure!"
CLONE 4: "Launching."
Whatever. Keep the tone cool and collected-- Stormtrooper-esque. But paint a picture with words that kind of lays into the background of the sequence and starts to build drama. Let the leader name a target (like the launching transports that Anakin finally helps stop) -- and write lines that get the Clones closer and closer to their target.
This added dialogue would bring the sequence a kind of "guide" which would really help shape that battle and give it a little more form. Things should be pretty tough for the clones too, I think. It would be nice to hear a lot of them die, though we'd also hear how little the remaining clones care about their fallen brothers.
Just an idea.
By the way, I vigorously vote YES for the use of Mars. I think as an inspiration to Williams, it makes the grade of being kosher. If you think it works, go for it.