STAR WARS
Episode I
THE TOTALLY LESS STUPID VERSION
Things are getting seriously lame
in the Galtic Senate. The taxation
of trade routes in outlying nonabolitionist
star systems is in dispute or something.
To protect their gay little Trade
Federation, the Neimodian droid
army has blockaded the small
planet of Naboo, in hopes to--like--
I dunno, threaten the Senate into
submission or something.
While the Senate (insert an adjective that means "douchebaggedley")
tries to help by sending two ambassadors
to force a settlement, the Queen's Jedi
advisors prepare her for an exciting escape
from the growing Neimodian threat...
Okay basically I want to establish that the droid army belongs to the Neimodians, explaining why a Trade Federation has an army, and bring about a problem that needs a "treaty" because they talk about a treaty in my edit, but it's not to make their invasion "legal." I still wanted the "problem" to be something a little more serious than taxes, intergalactic wars don't start with taxes.
But to actually respond about the ambassadors, basically the scenes go like this:
-Ambassador's ship flies by and heads toward the blockade
-cut to scene with Darth Sidious talking to the Neimodians
"This plan has failed, Lord Sidious! The blockade is finished!"
"Grr get this asshole out of here" or whatever "this turn of events is unfortunate, begin landing your troops."
"is that legal?" (i might cut this part out, since when is there a legal invasion?)
"I will make it legal"
"and the [ambassadors]? (great audio editing)
"the chancellor should not have brought them into this, kill them immediately"
"oh yes my lord"
-cut to inside the ship
"with all do respect the chancellor's ambassadors wish to board immediately"
"yes of course, we'd be happy to receive the ambassadors"
-ship flies into hanger bay
-cut to "sir a transmission from the planet"
blah blah blah
"grr I heard the ambassadors are with you now and blah blah blah"
"I know nothing of any ambassadors, blah blah blah"
-cut to, ship getting blown up
"oh no!!! Shields up--arrrrrghhh!"
-cut to invasion of Naboo.
-cut to Queen escaping I guess
Actually the way i have it now, there's no exchange between the Queen and Neimodians, which works to up the action, but I think i need to add it so we can establish the characters a little better. I dunno I'm still working with it.
I'm pretty sure I just forgot to note in the changelog about "weesa going home"
I'll think about this change in the ending, so far democratic process says I should really consider it. Whatever I do, the Star Wars ending theme stays. I think the best way to do that, if I were to, would be to cut out the dialogue for Quigon's scene, change the music like people said, and cut to the end. By cutting out the dialogue I could make the scene feel like a real "ending" and not end it so abruptly.
Whoah, gotta go rehearse again. I'll be back later if anyone has any further ideas about making anything shoddy I have listed "work" a little better.