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Post #220103

Author
MTHaslett
Parent topic
Episode II: Shroud of the Dark Side (the TM edit) (Released)
Link to post in topic
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/220103/action/topic#220103
Date created
20-Jun-2006, 12:23 AM
Sounds Great, Trooperman,

I agree, the heated emotions should include some anger-- it's not just foreshadowing, but it makes sense for such young people to get hurt and mad.

I love the direction of your new line, but I wonder about the phrase-- "reeled me in" is decidely earth-bound, refering to a fishing pole with a fishing reel.

Would this work as well, without the metaphor? -- "Yes! You pulled me in knowing you would only make a mockery of me. And my life."

Just a thought--

Digging your great work as always!
Mark