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The Most Boring Commentator Ever

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I don't know who else here as subjugated themselves to this, but I've been watching all six movies with commentary. I've watched the original trilogy (well, the 2004 almost but not nearly original trilogy) and am now on Attack of the Clones. And I just have to say that George Lucas is the most boring person to listen to. I mean, I already knew this from watching all those documentaries. If you listen to him speak for five minutes, then you pretty much know what he's going to say for the next five hours and fifty-five minutes. It's like he says his spiel and then someone hits the rewind button. In the original trilogy, every thing he said was along the lines of, "Now, when we did this, we couldn't quite get it the way I wanted. Now, with digital technology, I wouldn't even have to worry about something like that. I could have just...." and so on. He must say that same thing five thousand times. Mix in a few, "If you watch the movies in their intended order, you'll be able to see how this works," and, "I write the movies as though it's like music with the same refrain only orchestrated differently." Yeah, other people refer to that as rehashing ideas, but I digress. ^_~ But it is true in the commentaries, because, in the prequels, he is still constantly talking about digital technology, only he "orchestrates it differently." "The cool thing about this is that none of it's real. The digital technology really frees you up. I couldn't have even thought about doing this 20 years ago." He never shuts up! He sounds like my mother!

Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest.

There is no lingerie in space…

C3PX said: Gaffer is like that hot girl in high school that you think you have a chance with even though she is way out of your league because she is sweet and not a stuck up bitch who pretends you don’t exist… then one day you spot her making out with some skinny twerp, only on second glance you realize it is the goth girl who always sits in the back of class; at that moment it dawns on you why she is never seen hanging off the arm of any of the jocks… and you realize, damn, she really is unobtainable after all. Not that that is going to stop you from dreaming… Only in this case, Gaffer is actually a guy.

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That's why the LD commentaries are better, even though there's so much less of them.
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Would you mind elaborating on that? I didn't even know the LDs had commentary. By whom? How was it better?

There is no lingerie in space…

C3PX said: Gaffer is like that hot girl in high school that you think you have a chance with even though she is way out of your league because she is sweet and not a stuck up bitch who pretends you don’t exist… then one day you spot her making out with some skinny twerp, only on second glance you realize it is the goth girl who always sits in the back of class; at that moment it dawns on you why she is never seen hanging off the arm of any of the jocks… and you realize, damn, she really is unobtainable after all. Not that that is going to stop you from dreaming… Only in this case, Gaffer is actually a guy.

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The world record for most boring commentary ever is still held by composer Don Davis, on the "music-only" audio track & commentary of the first Matrix film. It is an effective anesthetic for use in surgical procedures, or for use in torture, though it is explicitly forbidden under the Geneva Convention.

_Mike

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Too bad I've never seen The Matrix.

There is no lingerie in space…

C3PX said: Gaffer is like that hot girl in high school that you think you have a chance with even though she is way out of your league because she is sweet and not a stuck up bitch who pretends you don’t exist… then one day you spot her making out with some skinny twerp, only on second glance you realize it is the goth girl who always sits in the back of class; at that moment it dawns on you why she is never seen hanging off the arm of any of the jocks… and you realize, damn, she really is unobtainable after all. Not that that is going to stop you from dreaming… Only in this case, Gaffer is actually a guy.

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IIRC, the LD commentary is by Lucas, Ken Ralston, Dennis Muren, Ben Burtt, Ralph McQuarrie and Frank Oz. It is available on DVD on the Dr Gonzo set, the Cowclops v2 set or RowMan's Definitive Collection Bonus Disc.
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What does Lucas talk about then if not visions and digital effects?

There is no lingerie in space…

C3PX said: Gaffer is like that hot girl in high school that you think you have a chance with even though she is way out of your league because she is sweet and not a stuck up bitch who pretends you don’t exist… then one day you spot her making out with some skinny twerp, only on second glance you realize it is the goth girl who always sits in the back of class; at that moment it dawns on you why she is never seen hanging off the arm of any of the jocks… and you realize, damn, she really is unobtainable after all. Not that that is going to stop you from dreaming… Only in this case, Gaffer is actually a guy.

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Personally, I can't stand to listen to Ben Burtt. There is just something about him that rubs me wrong.

I will have to say the worst and least informative commentary is the one for Napoleon Dynamite! They just sit there and say things like, "this scene is my favorite". And there are long gaps where they just sit and watch the movie and say nothing.
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I actually think Ben Burtt is one of the more interesting commentators right behind Kershner. At least Burtt actually lets you know some of the behind the scenes processes rather than just saying digital technology rox0rs!

There is no lingerie in space…

C3PX said: Gaffer is like that hot girl in high school that you think you have a chance with even though she is way out of your league because she is sweet and not a stuck up bitch who pretends you don’t exist… then one day you spot her making out with some skinny twerp, only on second glance you realize it is the goth girl who always sits in the back of class; at that moment it dawns on you why she is never seen hanging off the arm of any of the jocks… and you realize, damn, she really is unobtainable after all. Not that that is going to stop you from dreaming… Only in this case, Gaffer is actually a guy.

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Originally posted by: 20th Century Mark
I will have to say the worst and least informative commentary is the one for Napoleon Dynamite! They just sit there and say things like, "this scene is my favorite". And there are long gaps where they just sit and watch the movie and say nothing.


That sounds very appropriate for the film under consideration.
"It's the stoned movie you don't have to be stoned for." -- Tom Shales on Star Wars
Scruffy's gonna die the way he lived.
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Don't the SW commentaries just edit together snippets of interviews about certain key scenes when they're happening? i.e. Aren't they pseudo-commentaries, not taken from the participants as they watch the films? I could be wrong, but I always thought this was the case.

Kevin Smith ... now THAT is a guy who knows how to do a commentary track. He and his pals in a room talking frankly and cracking wise ... its almost like MST3K.
I am fluent in over six million forms of procrastination.
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I think you're right about the way they were made, ADM, but they're more interesting than the newer ones anyway, due to what Gaff said in his opening post.

Kevin Smith should release his own alternative SW commentaries on CD.
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The empire strikes back 04 version had a pretty good commentary with kershner.
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You'll really know Lucas has turned into a cash grabbing whore when he actually releases an official set with brand-new Kevin Smith commentaries on them.

If Lucas jumped the shark with Ewoks, this will be taking the shark itself and launching it to the moon.
I am fluent in over six million forms of procrastination.
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I only commentary I ever liked was the one on the DVD for RENT with Christopher Columbus, Anthony Rapp, and Adam Pascal. And I always aviod SW commentaries cuz I know GL will go on about his 'vision' and stuff.
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Originally posted by: 20th Century Mark
Personally, I can't stand to listen to Ben Burtt. There is just something about him that rubs me wrong.

I will have to say the worst and least informative commentary is the one for Napoleon Dynamite! They just sit there and say things like, "this scene is my favorite". And there are long gaps where they just sit and watch the movie and say nothing.
The absolute worst commentary ever recorded is probably the one on the unrated version of Anchorman in which the director and Will Ferrel spend the time just saying the most vulgar, nonsensical things they can think of as though it's funny. Personally, I thought it was humorous at first, but it got old really fast.
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Originally posted by: ShiftyEyes
Originally posted by: 20th Century Mark
Personally, I can't stand to listen to Ben Burtt. There is just something about him that rubs me wrong.

I will have to say the worst and least informative commentary is the one for Napoleon Dynamite! They just sit there and say things like, "this scene is my favorite". And there are long gaps where they just sit and watch the movie and say nothing.
The absolute worst commentary ever recorded is probably the one on the unrated version of Anchorman in which the director and Will Ferrel spend the time just saying the most vulgar, nonsensical things they can think of as though it's funny. Personally, I thought it was humorous at first, but it got old really fast.



Missed that one. I wasn't too fond of the movie.
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I loved the commentaries for the Futurama episodes. Those where cool.

And I cannot stand the Star Wars commentaries. I put in my Episode III disk one afternoon and was going to listen to the commentary. After only 4, count them - 4 minutes, of listening to Lucas and McCallum talk, I had to turn it off. I simply could not stand to hear Rick McCallum suck off George Lucas' dick anymore. Right from the beginning he would not take his lips off that man's fat ass. "And right here is so classic George. The Battle sequence is just spectacular..." SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
"I am altering the movies. Pray I don't alter them any further." -Darth Lucas
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Originally posted by: Invader Jenny
I loved the commentaries for the Futurama episodes. Those where cool.

And I cannot stand the Star Wars commentaries. I put in my Episode III disk one afternoon and was going to listen to the commentary. After only 4, count them - 4 minutes, of listening to Lucas and McCallum talk, I had to turn it off. I simply could not stand to hear Rick McCallum suck off George Lucas' dick anymore. Right from the beginning he would not take his lips off that man's fat ass. "And right here is so classic George. The Battle sequence is just spectacular..." SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!


OK. Calm down. It's just a commentary.

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whoa, Jenny.

you talk dirty.

i must say, i like a star wars gal who can make a truck driver blush.

laws knows i'm blushing.

EDIT: for the record, i'm not actually a trucker, but i share some of their sensibilities.
btw, are you drunk or something?

huzzah for archival THEATRICAL OT!!!
it is our duty to preserve star wars history...

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Originally posted by: Gaffer Tape
Too bad I've never seen The Matrix.


what in the world? you should give it a watch, gaff. the first one is actually quite brilliant. i like it because i'm kind of obsessed with noir and neo-noir. if you can look past keanu's acting, it's pretty great.

the sequels are just plain embarrasing, though.

huzzah for archival THEATRICAL OT!!!
it is our duty to preserve star wars history...

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Totally agree about the commentary Jenny. I made it about 20 minutes farther than you, though. A summary: "We did this with computers."
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they could have spiced up the SW commentaries by having Mr. Krabs from Spongebob pop up everytime Lucas speaks and just say " I like money!"

I couldn't get thruugh the Pirates of the Caribbean commentary track. Was just way too ..umm..fruity.
Actors doing a commentary track as their or another char gets old fast too. I'm thinking of Bruce as Elvis in Bubba Ho-Tep and Jim Carey as Lemony Snicket.
The looped commentary for Dodgeball after they got bored wasn't much of a joke either.
Back to the Future commentary was just an overdubbed discussion from some Uni. Sheesh, how lazy was that.
Detroit Rock City had each of the 4 members from Kiss talking for about 15-20 mins each seperatly. I don't have disk anymore, but one of them sounded like his was recorded over the phone.
Young Frankenstein shows Mel Brooks to have the same selective memory problems as Lucas suffers from. His comments there contradict some of the other features on the disk.



Ones I like for various reasons...? 8) Any Kevin Smith, Boogie Nights, 12 Monkeys, Brazil collection, Stewie Griffin, Fight Club, American Movie, the LotR series, Hoodwinked, Futurama, The Good the Bad and the Ugly, Dude Where's My Car?

One of my favorites are the Robert Rodriguez commentaries on El Mariachi and Desperado. The El Mariachi one should be required viewing for anyone that wants to make a film. His cost cutting went so far as to not wanting to paint one side of a guitar case flat black because the vinyl was torn of it, so he shot it so it wouldnt be shown. Now that's the kind of stuff I want to hear from a commentary.
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Originally posted by: Ozkeeper
they could have spiced up the SW commentaries by having Mr. Krabs from Spongebob pop up everytime Lucas speaks and just say " I like money!"


Money, money, money, money, money!!!!

http://php.scripts.psu.edu/users/m/a/mag357/midterm/img/mr_krab2.gif

Now THAT would be worth it!
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Actually my favorite commentary moment is on the EP 1 DVD, but I can't check because I use the prequel DVD's as drink coasters now (yes, really) - it might be in one of the supplements... but anyway, Ben Burtt is editing, and he's talking about how George basically makes the movie up in the edit bay as he goes along. The thing is, Ben OBVIOUSLY thinks the whole thing is ridiculous and is trying to figure out how not to come right out and say that. I think he eventually likens all the post-shooting bs to a slippery slope. In any case, the best moment is one where they cut away just as he's saying that the process creates more problems... I think it's actually on the word, "problems" so they could patch it with something more positive. Ben's at Pixar now. He wants to direct. Someplace where they know how to do that kind of thing.


_Mike

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