I downloaded your clip. You've done some very interesting stuff with the beginning of the movie. I really liked how you managed to cut together footage of the space battle so we really focus on how that one star destroyer bears down on General Grievous' ship.
However, not seeing any of the rescue of the chancellor, especially the fight with Dooku, feels very strange. I understand there are many awkward moments there that have thankfully been cut, but I'd like to think some of it is salvagable.