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Post #200872

Author
Han Solo VS Indiana Jones
Parent topic
Superman Movie
Link to post in topic
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/200872/action/topic#200872
Date created
13-Apr-2006, 3:48 PM

Picked up a new Wizard magazine, they had a "Cape Fear" list recounting the "oft-misguided" attempts to extend the Superman franchise with "Bellevue-resident-insane" casting choices. They are as copied -

1) Christopher Walken
Bio: De factor screen oddball.
BLUE CHUNKS: Spoke to the Salkinds during the infamous 1970s casting search. Too alien even for a Kryptonian, Ilya Salkind now believes he (Walken) would have made an interesting Luthor.

2) Bruce Jenner
BIO: Eerily plasticine Olympic athlete
BLUE CHUNKS: Acting experience is limited to an episode of CHiPs and a Village People flick, placing him just a tad north of Olivier. On the plus side, all that super-loot would have spared us from his shenanigans on "Skating with the Stars".

3) Neil Diamond
BIO: Renowned crooner and the source of sexual fantasies for your grandmother. (Yep, she still has 'em)
BLUE CHUNKS: Asked to meet with the Salkinds. Sensing a free lunch, they obliged.

4) Sylvester Stallone
BIO: Droopy-eyed lummox who made a career out of grunting through eight Rocky and Rambo movies. (with - God help us - more on the way.)
BLUE CHUNKS: Pre-Rocky, he asked the Salkinds for a shot. "Yo Lois! I did it! I turned the Earth back on its axis! Yo, I don't feel so good."

5) Justin Timberlake
BIO: Tiger Beat cover boy turned barely respectable pop artist.
BLUE CHUNKS: Name batted around in 2003, first for Jimmy Olsen, then for Superman. Doesn't have the presence to pull off Superboy, much less his adult counterpart. Might've been a good choice for Lois.

6) Sean Penn
BIO: Angry actor who alternates seedy roles with punching paparazzi in the face.
BLUE CHUNKS: Jon Peters anointed him as his choice due to having "the eyes of a killer," clearly a Superman character trait.

7) Evan Marriott
BIO: Lantern-jawed beefcake from assorted reality TV gigs, most notably, Joe Millionaire.
BLUE CHUNKS: Had the looks, but the acting chops are narcoleptic.