I thought this one was VERY appropriate in light of the X0 Project:
47. INT. STAR WARS - THE SAGA EDITION - CONFERENCE ROOM.
Eight Imperial senators and generals sit around a black conference table, the Lucasfilm logo is prominantly featured in the center. Imperial stormtroopers stand guard around the room. Commander Tagge, a young, slimy-looking general, is speaking.
TAGGE
Until this Saga is fully computer animated we are vulnerable. The hardcore fanbase is too well equipped. They're more dangerous than you realize.
The bitter Admiral Motti twists nervously in his chair.
MOTTI
Dangerous to your fanfiction, Commander, not to this Saga!
TAGGE
The fanbase will continue to gain a support thanks the Original Trilogy as long as...
Suddenly all heads turn as Commander Tagge's speech is cut short and the Grand Moff Tarkin, editor of DVD region 1, enters. He is followed by his powerful ally, The Sith Lord, Darth Vader. All of the generals stand and bow before the thin, evil-looking editor as he takes his place at the head of the table. The Dark Lord stands behind him.
TARKIN
The Original Trilogy will no longer be of any concern to us. I've just received word that Lucas has replaced Sir Alec Guinness with Ewan McGregor permanently. The last remnants of the Old Trilogy have been swept away.
TAGGE
That's impossible! How will Lucas maintain the artistic credibility of the Saga without Sir Alec Guiness?
TARKIN
Regional editors now have direct control over their DVD territories. Fear will keep the critics in line. Fear of additional alternations.
TAGGE
And what of the fanbase? If the hardcore fans have obtained a complete technical readout of this Saga, it is possible, however unlikely, that they might find a weakness and re-edit it.
VADER
The plans you refer to will soon be back in our hands.
MOTTI
Any edit made by the fanbase against this Saga would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they've obtained. This Saga is now the ultimate series in the universe. I suggest we distribute it!
VADER
Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed. The ability to destroy a classic is insignificant next to the opinion of the Fans.
This one's pretty good, and I especially love the last part:
Vader and Obi-Wan are dueling on the Death Star
Both are swinging their lightsabers like 2 ton lead pipes,
and moving as gracefully as a pig on stilts.
Vader: Your powers are weak, old man.
Obi-Wan: Yeah, I know. So are yours, what happened?
Vader: Well, you cut off my legs and my good arm and left me to die in lava, what's your excuse?
Obi-Wan: I dunno. I'm old, but not that old, and kind of a drunk. (Vader and Obi-Wan put away their sabers)
Vader: You're like what, 50-something? Dooku was older than you, and he moved around like crazy. Yoda and Palpatine too.
Obi-Wan: Huh, they were all way older then me. All those years on Tattooine, no duels, maybe there's sand in my lightsaber.
Vader: I hate sand. Sand sucks. Sand blows. Sand sucks and blows.
Obi-Wan: Riiiight. Well, what about Grievous? He was almost all machine and couldn't use the force.
Vader: Hmmmm. You're right. He got a way cooler suit than me, mine's still pretty cool though.
Obi-Wan: True. That it is. And Grievous got 4 lightsabers and didn't lumber and lurch around everywhere.
Vader: That's right! Hey, George! Get over here! Lumber and lurch? What are you talking abo--
Lucas: Is there a problem Darth?
Vader: My name ain't Darth.
Lucas: Sorry, Ani.
Obi-Wan: You bet there's a problem. We were the baddest Jedi in the galaxy, and now I look like a lightsaber virgin.
Vader: Somethings wrong, I'm not the Sith I should be. You're holding me back!
Lucas: Easy there, Ani. Well, Obi-Wan is old and Vader is more machine than man. That's why you guys stink.
Vader: What about Grievous?
Obi-Wan: And Dooku. And Palpatine and Yoda. I suck cause I'm old, they're bad-ass in spite of it.
Lucas: Yeah, but it's CG and all, it's cool. In fact, you sho------
Vader: I will not let a CG character make me look like a chump. I find my lack of fighting skills disturbing. (begins to force choke Lucas)
Lucas: (gasp, choke, gasp)
Obi-Wan: Release him Vader.
Vader: As you wish. (Vader releases Lucas)
Lucas: (gasp) Thanks, Obi-Wan. (cough, cough)
Vader: Wait, you're not my master any more! Why should I listen to you?
Obi-Wan: Here's why! (Obi-Wan ignites lightsaber and cuts off Lucas' legs and one of his arms, leaving a bearded torso.) Boo-Ya!
Vader: Wizard! That's kinda cool, when it doesn't happen to me. By the way, what's with the leaving one arm thing?
Obi-Wan: It's my trademark, a calling card. Plus, it's funny. Look at him crawling around down there.
Lucas: AAAARRRGGGGHHHH! Someone help me! Please! I hate you!
Vader: I find his lack of limbs humorous.
Obi-Wan: It'd be funnier if he'd just killed his wife and unborn child, screwed up his Jedi career, and was on fire.
Vader: (ignites lightsaber) That's it! Let's go old man! This party is over!
Obi-Wan: If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.
Vader: Really? I'd like to see that. (cuts Obi-Wan down, but only finds robes, he looks around confused)
Lucas: AAAAAAAHHHHH! OOOWWWWW! Anyone? A little help?
Vader: Hmmm. That might be the one time Obi-Wan told the truth.
Luke: BEN!!
Vader: Ben? Who the #$@% is Ben?
Eight Imperial senators and generals sit around a black conference table, the Lucasfilm logo is prominantly featured in the center. Imperial stormtroopers stand guard around the room. Commander Tagge, a young, slimy-looking general, is speaking.
TAGGE
Until this Saga is fully computer animated we are vulnerable. The hardcore fanbase is too well equipped. They're more dangerous than you realize.
The bitter Admiral Motti twists nervously in his chair.
MOTTI
Dangerous to your fanfiction, Commander, not to this Saga!
TAGGE
The fanbase will continue to gain a support thanks the Original Trilogy as long as...
Suddenly all heads turn as Commander Tagge's speech is cut short and the Grand Moff Tarkin, editor of DVD region 1, enters. He is followed by his powerful ally, The Sith Lord, Darth Vader. All of the generals stand and bow before the thin, evil-looking editor as he takes his place at the head of the table. The Dark Lord stands behind him.
TARKIN
The Original Trilogy will no longer be of any concern to us. I've just received word that Lucas has replaced Sir Alec Guinness with Ewan McGregor permanently. The last remnants of the Old Trilogy have been swept away.
TAGGE
That's impossible! How will Lucas maintain the artistic credibility of the Saga without Sir Alec Guiness?
TARKIN
Regional editors now have direct control over their DVD territories. Fear will keep the critics in line. Fear of additional alternations.
TAGGE
And what of the fanbase? If the hardcore fans have obtained a complete technical readout of this Saga, it is possible, however unlikely, that they might find a weakness and re-edit it.
VADER
The plans you refer to will soon be back in our hands.
MOTTI
Any edit made by the fanbase against this Saga would be a useless gesture, no matter what technical data they've obtained. This Saga is now the ultimate series in the universe. I suggest we distribute it!
VADER
Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed. The ability to destroy a classic is insignificant next to the opinion of the Fans.
This one's pretty good, and I especially love the last part:
Vader and Obi-Wan are dueling on the Death Star
Both are swinging their lightsabers like 2 ton lead pipes,
and moving as gracefully as a pig on stilts.
Vader: Your powers are weak, old man.
Obi-Wan: Yeah, I know. So are yours, what happened?
Vader: Well, you cut off my legs and my good arm and left me to die in lava, what's your excuse?
Obi-Wan: I dunno. I'm old, but not that old, and kind of a drunk. (Vader and Obi-Wan put away their sabers)
Vader: You're like what, 50-something? Dooku was older than you, and he moved around like crazy. Yoda and Palpatine too.
Obi-Wan: Huh, they were all way older then me. All those years on Tattooine, no duels, maybe there's sand in my lightsaber.
Vader: I hate sand. Sand sucks. Sand blows. Sand sucks and blows.
Obi-Wan: Riiiight. Well, what about Grievous? He was almost all machine and couldn't use the force.
Vader: Hmmmm. You're right. He got a way cooler suit than me, mine's still pretty cool though.
Obi-Wan: True. That it is. And Grievous got 4 lightsabers and didn't lumber and lurch around everywhere.
Vader: That's right! Hey, George! Get over here! Lumber and lurch? What are you talking abo--
Lucas: Is there a problem Darth?
Vader: My name ain't Darth.
Lucas: Sorry, Ani.
Obi-Wan: You bet there's a problem. We were the baddest Jedi in the galaxy, and now I look like a lightsaber virgin.
Vader: Somethings wrong, I'm not the Sith I should be. You're holding me back!
Lucas: Easy there, Ani. Well, Obi-Wan is old and Vader is more machine than man. That's why you guys stink.
Vader: What about Grievous?
Obi-Wan: And Dooku. And Palpatine and Yoda. I suck cause I'm old, they're bad-ass in spite of it.
Lucas: Yeah, but it's CG and all, it's cool. In fact, you sho------
Vader: I will not let a CG character make me look like a chump. I find my lack of fighting skills disturbing. (begins to force choke Lucas)
Lucas: (gasp, choke, gasp)
Obi-Wan: Release him Vader.
Vader: As you wish. (Vader releases Lucas)
Lucas: (gasp) Thanks, Obi-Wan. (cough, cough)
Vader: Wait, you're not my master any more! Why should I listen to you?
Obi-Wan: Here's why! (Obi-Wan ignites lightsaber and cuts off Lucas' legs and one of his arms, leaving a bearded torso.) Boo-Ya!
Vader: Wizard! That's kinda cool, when it doesn't happen to me. By the way, what's with the leaving one arm thing?
Obi-Wan: It's my trademark, a calling card. Plus, it's funny. Look at him crawling around down there.
Lucas: AAAARRRGGGGHHHH! Someone help me! Please! I hate you!
Vader: I find his lack of limbs humorous.
Obi-Wan: It'd be funnier if he'd just killed his wife and unborn child, screwed up his Jedi career, and was on fire.
Vader: (ignites lightsaber) That's it! Let's go old man! This party is over!
Obi-Wan: If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.
Vader: Really? I'd like to see that. (cuts Obi-Wan down, but only finds robes, he looks around confused)
Lucas: AAAAAAAHHHHH! OOOWWWWW! Anyone? A little help?
Vader: Hmmm. That might be the one time Obi-Wan told the truth.
Luke: BEN!!
Vader: Ben? Who the #$@% is Ben?
Stay tuned for more.
