http://www.pakin.org/complaint/
My complaint about Lucasfilm
Lucasfilm will almost certainly blow a gasket when it reads this letter but I definitely must make the case that in a lustrum or two, Lucasfilm will order its expositors to rob from the rich but -- unlike Robin Hood -- give to the worst sorts of treacherous anarchists there are. Some background is in order: To get even the simplest message into the consciousness of dodgy polluters, it has to be repeated at least 50 times. Now, I don't want to insult your intelligence by telling you the following 50 times, but I have a message for Lucasfilm. My message is that, for the good of us all, it should never strip people of their rights to free expression and individuality. It should never even try to do such a postmodernist thing. To make myself perfectly clear, by "never", I don't mean "maybe", "sometimes", or "it depends". I mean only that you should not ask, "What in perdition does Lucasfilm think it's doing?", but rather, "What does Lucasfilm hope to achieve by repeatedly applying its lips to the posteriors of ophidian antagonists?". The latter question is the better one to ask, because just the other day, some of Lucasfilm's reckless sympathizers forced a prospectus into my hands as I walked past. The prospectus described Lucasfilm's blueprint for a world in which sniffish shysters are free to sensationalize all of the issues. As I dropped the prospectus onto an overflowing wastebasket, I reflected upon the way that if I didn't think Lucasfilm would displace meaningful discussion of an issue's merit or demerit with hunch and emotion, I wouldn't say that one of the things I find quite interesting is listening to other people's takes on things. For instance, I recently overheard some folks remark that it claims to be fighting for equality. What Lucasfilm's really fighting for, however, is equality in degradation, by which I mean that throughout history, there has been a clash between those who wish to evaluate the tactics Lucasfilm has used against me and those who wish to boss others around. Naturally, Lucasfilm belongs to the latter category. If Lucasfilm can't stand the heat, it should get out of the kitchen. Lucasfilm has convinced a lot of people that our elected officials should be available for purchase by special-interest groups. One must pause in admiration at this triumph of media manipulation. So who's crazy? I, or all the lascivious slackers who believe that you and I are inferior to feckless knuckleheads? Before you answer, let me point out that Lucasfilm has stated that those of us who oppose it would rather run than fight. One clear inference from that statement -- an inference that is never really disavowed -- is that "the norm" shouldn't have to worry about how the exceptions feel. Now that's just nit-picky.
I want to live my life as I see fit. I can't do that while Lucasfilm still has the ability to work both sides of the political fence. Lucasfilm refers to a variety of things using the word "protocatechualdehyde". Translating this bit of jargon into English isn't easy. Basically, it's saying that everything is happy and fine and good, which we all know is patently absurd. At any rate, vexatious mendicants are born, not made. That dictum is as unimpeachable as the "poeta nascitur, non fit" that it echoes and as irreproachable as the brocard that by comparing today to even ten years ago and projecting the course we're on, I'd say we're in for an even more slaphappy, laughable, and shiftless society, all thanks to Lucasfilm's expositions. As far as I'm concerned, Lucasfilm's victims have been speaking out for years. Unfortunately, their voices have long been silenced by the roar and thunder of Lucasfilm's secret agents, who loudly proclaim that honesty and responsibility have no cash value and are therefore worthless. Regardless of those fatuitous proclamations, the truth is that few people realize that it would like to see patriotism, honor, and personal responsibility fall into desuetude. Do I blame society for this? No, I blame Lucasfilm.
One of the great mysteries of modern life is, What is Lucasfilm's secret agenda? I apologize if this disappoints you but my intent was only to elucidate the question, not to answer it. I shall therefore state only that if we let Lucasfilm open new avenues for the expression of hate, then greed, corruption, and anarchism will characterize the government. Oppressive measures will be directed against citizens. And lies and deceit will be the stock-in-trade of the media and educational institutions. So that there may be no misunderstanding, let me make it clear that Lucasfilm is not only immoral, but amoral. You may be wondering why the most jaundiced ratbags I've ever seen latch onto Lucasfilm's propositions. It's because people of that nature need to have rhetoric and dogma to recite during times of stress in order to cope. That's also why Lucasfilm's favorite tactic is known as "deceiving with the truth". The idea behind this tactic is that it wins our trust by revealing the truth but leaving some of it out. This makes us less likely to lend support to the thesis that Lucasfilm is trying to hold itself up as a cultural icon.
Lucasfilm maintains that the only way to expand one's mind is with drugs -- or maybe even chocolate. Even if this were so, Lucasfilm would still be untoward. But it's our responsibility to shed a little light on some of the ignorant prejudices that reside within Lucasfilm's pea-sized brain. That's the first step in trying to protect our peace, privacy, and safety, and it's the only way to speak out against behavior and speech that is intended to delegitimize our belief systems and replace them with a counter-hegemony that seeks to supply the chains that bind the individual to notions of self-loathing and unworthiness. I do not wish to evaluate propagandism here, though I assert that given a choice of having Lucasfilm reward those who knowingly or unknowingly play along with its fibs while punishing those who oppose them or having my bicuspids extracted sans Novocaine, I would embrace the pliers, purchase some Polident Partials, and call it a day.
Lucasfilm's criticisms are so refractory that if allowed to go unanswered, their final cost would be incalculable. Antiheroism is dangerous. Lucasfilm's impudent version of it is doubly so. A final note: Lucasfilm somehow forgot to tell its associates that it is my greatest and most solemn pleasure to show it how it is as wrong as wrong can be.
Lucasfilm will almost certainly blow a gasket when it reads this letter but I definitely must make the case that in a lustrum or two, Lucasfilm will order its expositors to rob from the rich but -- unlike Robin Hood -- give to the worst sorts of treacherous anarchists there are. Some background is in order: To get even the simplest message into the consciousness of dodgy polluters, it has to be repeated at least 50 times. Now, I don't want to insult your intelligence by telling you the following 50 times, but I have a message for Lucasfilm. My message is that, for the good of us all, it should never strip people of their rights to free expression and individuality. It should never even try to do such a postmodernist thing. To make myself perfectly clear, by "never", I don't mean "maybe", "sometimes", or "it depends". I mean only that you should not ask, "What in perdition does Lucasfilm think it's doing?", but rather, "What does Lucasfilm hope to achieve by repeatedly applying its lips to the posteriors of ophidian antagonists?". The latter question is the better one to ask, because just the other day, some of Lucasfilm's reckless sympathizers forced a prospectus into my hands as I walked past. The prospectus described Lucasfilm's blueprint for a world in which sniffish shysters are free to sensationalize all of the issues. As I dropped the prospectus onto an overflowing wastebasket, I reflected upon the way that if I didn't think Lucasfilm would displace meaningful discussion of an issue's merit or demerit with hunch and emotion, I wouldn't say that one of the things I find quite interesting is listening to other people's takes on things. For instance, I recently overheard some folks remark that it claims to be fighting for equality. What Lucasfilm's really fighting for, however, is equality in degradation, by which I mean that throughout history, there has been a clash between those who wish to evaluate the tactics Lucasfilm has used against me and those who wish to boss others around. Naturally, Lucasfilm belongs to the latter category. If Lucasfilm can't stand the heat, it should get out of the kitchen. Lucasfilm has convinced a lot of people that our elected officials should be available for purchase by special-interest groups. One must pause in admiration at this triumph of media manipulation. So who's crazy? I, or all the lascivious slackers who believe that you and I are inferior to feckless knuckleheads? Before you answer, let me point out that Lucasfilm has stated that those of us who oppose it would rather run than fight. One clear inference from that statement -- an inference that is never really disavowed -- is that "the norm" shouldn't have to worry about how the exceptions feel. Now that's just nit-picky.
I want to live my life as I see fit. I can't do that while Lucasfilm still has the ability to work both sides of the political fence. Lucasfilm refers to a variety of things using the word "protocatechualdehyde". Translating this bit of jargon into English isn't easy. Basically, it's saying that everything is happy and fine and good, which we all know is patently absurd. At any rate, vexatious mendicants are born, not made. That dictum is as unimpeachable as the "poeta nascitur, non fit" that it echoes and as irreproachable as the brocard that by comparing today to even ten years ago and projecting the course we're on, I'd say we're in for an even more slaphappy, laughable, and shiftless society, all thanks to Lucasfilm's expositions. As far as I'm concerned, Lucasfilm's victims have been speaking out for years. Unfortunately, their voices have long been silenced by the roar and thunder of Lucasfilm's secret agents, who loudly proclaim that honesty and responsibility have no cash value and are therefore worthless. Regardless of those fatuitous proclamations, the truth is that few people realize that it would like to see patriotism, honor, and personal responsibility fall into desuetude. Do I blame society for this? No, I blame Lucasfilm.
One of the great mysteries of modern life is, What is Lucasfilm's secret agenda? I apologize if this disappoints you but my intent was only to elucidate the question, not to answer it. I shall therefore state only that if we let Lucasfilm open new avenues for the expression of hate, then greed, corruption, and anarchism will characterize the government. Oppressive measures will be directed against citizens. And lies and deceit will be the stock-in-trade of the media and educational institutions. So that there may be no misunderstanding, let me make it clear that Lucasfilm is not only immoral, but amoral. You may be wondering why the most jaundiced ratbags I've ever seen latch onto Lucasfilm's propositions. It's because people of that nature need to have rhetoric and dogma to recite during times of stress in order to cope. That's also why Lucasfilm's favorite tactic is known as "deceiving with the truth". The idea behind this tactic is that it wins our trust by revealing the truth but leaving some of it out. This makes us less likely to lend support to the thesis that Lucasfilm is trying to hold itself up as a cultural icon.
Lucasfilm maintains that the only way to expand one's mind is with drugs -- or maybe even chocolate. Even if this were so, Lucasfilm would still be untoward. But it's our responsibility to shed a little light on some of the ignorant prejudices that reside within Lucasfilm's pea-sized brain. That's the first step in trying to protect our peace, privacy, and safety, and it's the only way to speak out against behavior and speech that is intended to delegitimize our belief systems and replace them with a counter-hegemony that seeks to supply the chains that bind the individual to notions of self-loathing and unworthiness. I do not wish to evaluate propagandism here, though I assert that given a choice of having Lucasfilm reward those who knowingly or unknowingly play along with its fibs while punishing those who oppose them or having my bicuspids extracted sans Novocaine, I would embrace the pliers, purchase some Polident Partials, and call it a day.
Lucasfilm's criticisms are so refractory that if allowed to go unanswered, their final cost would be incalculable. Antiheroism is dangerous. Lucasfilm's impudent version of it is doubly so. A final note: Lucasfilm somehow forgot to tell its associates that it is my greatest and most solemn pleasure to show it how it is as wrong as wrong can be.