The timing of the Maul arrival is pretty good to me, on second viewing. I thought to eliminate all the "cutting back" to Amidala's ship, because the threats seem so hollow-- but your changes there seem good too.

You see what I'm referring to about Qui Gonn announcing his intentions of freeing Anakin. I disagree that saying he wants to free Anakin is necessary to understanding what's going on or how Qui Gonn frees the boy. If you play the scene where Qui Gonn collects the boy, it plays as a fine "catch-up" scene-- it's clear what happened without the set up. It even plays better because it tells you something you don't already know-- as opposed to the way it plays in TPM where it could actually be cut without affecting the story.

I hadn't known the time for chiming in was over-- I apologize.