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Post #184154

Author
ADigitalMan
Parent topic
Bond, James Bond
Link to post in topic
https://originaltrilogy.com/post/id/184154/action/topic#184154
Date created
20-Feb-2006, 1:10 PM
Any time I hear the EON party line of "We're making a woman equal to Bond" I just roll my eyes and say "SSDD." Bond has always had strong female characters and every time they come out with a new film, they pretend like this is something new.

They say that same line about the new Bond girl being somehow equal to Bond. They've been saying it at LEAST since Pussy Galore in '64. The only truly defenseless leading Bond girls they've have been Solitaire in "Live and Let Die" and Andrea Anders in "The Man With The Golden Gun." These two films, Moore's first outings, plus Diamonds Are Forever, really were not friendly to women. Blame Guy Hamilton, who directed all three. He was not delivering Goldfinger on these films, to be sure.

Hell, both Michelle Yeoh and Halle Berry were talked up to get their own spin-off franchise. But that never came to pass. It's likely B.S. that Wilson and Broccoli threw their way in order to get them to sign on. But they ALMOST ALWAYS make the Bond woman a strong character because she HAS to contend with his sexist notions and the sheer strength of his character on screen. Lets take a look at the long list of leading Bond Girls -- tell me they haven't been strong women in their own rite:

Honey Ryder: The self sufficient pearl diver with a knife on her belt
Tatyana Romanova: Russian office clerk turned spy for SPECTRE
Tilly Masterson: Trying to assassinate Goldfinger solo?
Pussy Galore: 'nuf said.
Domino: Turncoat against Number 2 -- I mean Largo.
Fiona Volpe: Killed a fellow MI6 agent and drove the heck out of a Mustang
Kissy Suzuki: Secret service operative
Helga Brandt: SPECTRE Agent
Tracy Draco: Ms. Emma Peele charmed Bond enough to get him to the altar. Talk about being able to hold her own against him.
Tiffany Case: Master jewel smuggler and (and my personal fave)
Solitare: Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, portrays a soothsayer to Mr. Big. Pretty weak and easily fooled, she's perhaps the weakest leading character.
Rosie Carver: Double agent between the CIA and Kananga
Mary Goodnight: Bumbling fellow agent, she's the butt of many jokes.
Andrea Anders: The only one I recall Bond actually bitch slapping and roughing up, I think it was solely for the purpos of making Moore more macho than he really was. But then Maud Adams came back in "Octopussy" eight years later and was quite the capable woman. I'll get to that in a bit.
Anya Amasova (XXX): Soviet Spy bent on avenging her husband's death at the hands of Bond.
Naomi: Stromberg's hot-ass helicopter pilot. Flying combat missions and taking on the Lotus.
Dr. Holly Goodhead: (Man I love these names) The Good Doctor is both a NASA engineer AND a CIA Operative
Corinne: Another hot-ass helicopter pilot?!?!?
Melina Havelock: Huntress with a crossbow seeking vengance for her parents' death
Bibi: Olympic skating jailbait. AWK ought to like this one.
Domino (version 2.0): A young Kim Basinger squares off with a poorly-toupee'd Sean Connery. See Thunderball for plot details.
Fatima Blush: Crazy snake-loving fashionista almost shoots Bond in the family jewels.
Octopussy: Maud Adams wasn't such a weak woman after all is she? Leader of a band of jewel smuggling hotties.
Magda: One of the aforementioned hotties with the biggest capped teeth this side of Matt Dillon in Something About Mary.
Stacy Sutton: Wait, isn't that Midge from That '70s Show? She might have been better received if Moore hadn't been so dang old. Instead they had that whole Douglass/Zeta-Jones thing going on.
Grace Jones: Eeek! But she could probably snap any of us like a twig.
Pola Ivanova: Russian agent who gets frisky with Bond in a public bath. Wait, wasn't this in San Francisco??? Better reach around and be sure she's a man, Roger.
Kara Milovy: A bit of a damsel in distress, but for a cellist, she seems quite at home riding horses with the Afghani Northern Alliance anyway. Bond gets gentlemanly, thanks to Timothy Dalton actually reading Fleming's books.
Pam Bouvier: Shotgun-toting undercover CIA agent blowing the lid off of the drug cartel with Bond.
Lupe Lamora: Mistress to the Panamanian Drug Lord not above telling him to shove it in more subtle ways while helping Bond.
Natalya Simonova: Computer programmer on space-weapons guidance systems. Survives destruction of her facility in Siberia and long-term exposure to the cold afterward with nary a blemish.
Xenia Onatopp: Once upon a time, there was a world before Famke. Then this woman showed up crushing her lovers between her (perfect) thighs. And dying with a smile on their faces.
Wai Lin: Michele Yeoh just kicks ass. Period. Love or hate this movie, there isn't an ounce of fluff about this character.
Paris Caver: Looks suspiciously like Lois Lane. Signs her own death warrant by sleeping with Bond while under her megolomaniacal husband's constant surveilance.
Dr. Christmas Jones: She's a nuclear physicist who blows up subs with Bond, further making my point. Ignore that Denise Richards in this role is the biggest waste of celluloid since Battlefield Earth.
Elektra King: Fortunately there is a better Bond girl in this film. The mastermind behind the entire evil plot.
Jinx: The name says it all.
Miranda Frost: Fortunately, this ice queen actually has some substance other than filtered water.

Hey EON, wanna make something new? Cast Rupert Everett as James Bond (not a knock-off, as the real thing) and have him experiment with his gay side. It'll be far more entertaining and will likely be more manly than Roger Moore anyway.