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The legendary "Starkiller Ranch" Thread — Page 25

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Originally posted by: Erikstormtrooper
And here's another idea.

Can we make the podrace just one lap? This might make it seem shorter and heighten the tension. Maybe use the best parts from all the laps and combine them into one extended lap.

I remember watching Episode I for the first time. When they got to the end of the first lap and started the second, I said to myself "Whoa, nobody said anything about three laps."

And please get rid of the two headed announcer altogether if possible. I HATED that guy.


I don't care what universe you are from, that announcer has to go!

I can't wait to check out the edited scenes soon as I get home.
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TJ: In the words of Qui-Gon, "This is not a good idea."




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Yeah, I must admit I didn't really like that edit either. One thing you will need, however, is to paint out the - dare I say it - poo. Jar Jar almost stepping on it is almost as bad as the original version. Although you could always make him shout something off-screen
"The things that stick in my mind and make me laugh were, like, memos worried about whether or not the Wookie should have pants. They're looking at this thing and saying, "Couldn't he have some lederhosen?" This is great. Of all the things to worry about, the Wookie has no pants." -Mark Hamill
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I noticed that too, Olzen. The poo has gotta go.

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What are you referring to, ID?

As for Jar-Jar stepping in poodoo, I think if we cut to the next shot right after Padme says, "Like us," then it won't be a problem.

Also keep in mind (as TJ has already pointed out), these are very rough cuts. Things to be added include: Natalie Portman Dialogue as she joins the group traveling into town, an extended hike from the ship to the city (compositing the characters into other desert footage is the tentative plan), Watto humming the Cantina theme before the group enters his shop, and Anakin's first line "Are you an angel?" being telepathic, echoing on Padme's head, not to mention the dubbed and subtitled Jar-Jar and a new musical flow. This clip is far from finished, and the danger of posting such material is negative reaction, but the idea was to inject some life back into the thread, so in that sense I think it was effective.
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Hmm... I know I'm not a part of the project, but I really don't like Anakin using telepathy. Especially not since MTHasslett just said how Anakin should not use the Force all the time (if he even knows of his own abilities). Ultimately, it's unneccessary, and Padmé's reaction isn't very realistic. What would you do if a kid inside your head asked if you were angel? I'd certainly question my sanity and look positively scared rather than just asking "What?".
"The things that stick in my mind and make me laugh were, like, memos worried about whether or not the Wookie should have pants. They're looking at this thing and saying, "Couldn't he have some lederhosen?" This is great. Of all the things to worry about, the Wookie has no pants." -Mark Hamill
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Whoa--

First, I owe TJ an apology for not getting back to him faster -- I've been tremendously busy, but I posted here without contacting him and that must have felt vexing.

Second -- that cut is very rough and there are fixes for the concerns that I have which I think will much better reflect the script's intentions.

As to the "Force Talking," that ship has sailed. We are going to make it work because the entire climax rests upon it. Reaching out to Padme in this scene accomplishes enormous amounts. People's reactions to a rough cut are so unpredictable as to be almost, well, very little help.

I know there's no putting the cat back into the bag, but let me say that I find this sequence is great in this admittedly rough form.

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When I watch TJ's clips, the video runs faster than the sound, causing sync problems. I've experienced the same thing in the past with the other rough cut clips. Is anybody else having this problem?

You know of the rebellion against the Empire?

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Haven't had time to catch up with this thread since before the holidays. Just read all that I missed. First reaction: love 90% of MTH's script editing. Hope that it will be technically possible to realise most of his ideas.

Now to the clips: just watched 'em both - no sync problems. As has been stated previously, it is unfair to analyse rough cuts too much. Therefore I'll try to keep my comments to content, rather than other editing issues.

For my money, the CC cut is the better of these two, as they are now. Why? Because of the removal of Jar-Jar's antics in Watto's store, which add nothing to the scene. Once Qui-Gon leaves, we want to get to Anakin/Padme's interaction. In this vein, I'd suggest also cutting Qui-Gon's line "Don't touch anything", as this is only an intro to Jar-Jar's (now cut) antics. So the cut would follow Watto's line "We'll find what you need".

Also, the opening scene of the MTH cut, on board the ship, doesn't work as it is now: a) Qui-Gon's reference to "spaceports like this" doesn't follow from the announcement of "Tatooine"; b) Panaka's line/Qui-Gon's reaction just don't seem to fit here. I understand the desire to remove the Panaka scene outside the ship and that has potential. The problem with the CC cut in that respect is that Qui-Gon's reaction is totally inappropriate to Padme arriving to join them, without the idea having been mentioned before.

One technical note (oops, cheat) is that I don't think it will be possible to get acceptably high video quality with the amount of zoom required to crop the characters out of the city shot.

Anyway, it's great to actually see some of the ideas and I think there are constructive possibilities to posting clips.
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Thanks everyone for commenting, although it didn't liven up the thread as much as I had hoped. As soon as I get together with mth and go through the edit again I'll post updates to the clip, but I don't think I'll be posting anymore for a while. Seems I'm the only one that thought it would be a good idea.

Oh well,
"You were so preoccupied with whether or not you could...you never stopped to think if you should." - Ian Malcolm, Jurassic Park
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THX, that was excellent and very constructive criticism. I'm very appreciative of it and I think TJ and the rest should take heed of that advice.

I'm afraid I have some mildly bad news tonight. The special effects guy I've been working with on the Dooku possibilities and other things has decided to withdraw from the project due to his fear that Lucasfilm and the MPAA will "crack down" on us for doing this, even though I assured him we're not selling copies of this edit and it's only being distributed to those who own the official DVD's. Not to mention, we're not exactly pioneers in this genre of "fan-editing". Regardless, he felt it necessary to depart, so we're back to square one on that front.

If anyone knows anyone who is well versed in After Effects, Blender or other special effects programs and is willing to work with us on developing some concepts, please PM, AIM, or e-mail me. I'd very much appreciate it.

--InfoDroid

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I love the cuts, TJDavis. A few things occured to me while I was watching them, one fairly minor, the other major.

The minor one involves the landing. It just feels to long, and the cut to Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan inside the ship feels abrupt (plus that scene is kind of dull.) An idea I had that might spice it up just a little is to cut away from the landing half-way through and overlay the sounds for the rest of it over the Obi-Wan/Qui-Gon conversation. That way, instead of the conversation coming after the ship lands, it comes during the ships landing. I just think it adds a tad more urgency. Qui-Gon's not even waiting for the ship to land before he's getting ready to head out.

The second thing is my pair 'o pennies regarding Anakin's "Force Communication." I understand that something has to happen there, but I'm not sure the facial expressions work for Anakin "feeding thoughts to Padme." Just looking at the script, one idea thought is that it could work something like this:

Qui-Gon leaves.
Shot of Padme looking around.
Shot of Anakin staring at her.
Padme turns to look at Anakin and smiles.
Padme (thinking): You're a funny little boy.
Anakin: I'm a person.
Shot of Padme taken aback.
Padme: What?
Anakin: My name is Anakin.
Padme: I'm sorry. I don't fully understand. This is a strange world to me.

I'm not sure where to go from here. You could just cut away, or try to work the conversation back to "Are you an angel?" somehow. Or you could try a different conversation altogether. But I think having Anakin read Padme's mind will get the important messages across (Anakin is special, Anakin is connected to Padme), while fitting with the reactions better.

The original plan could still work. I just wasn't convinced by the rough cut, and thought I'd put an alternative idea out there.

Oh...definately get rid of the announcer. Gah!
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Originally posted by: Erikstormtrooper
And here's another idea.

Can we make the podrace just one lap? This might make it seem shorter and heighten the tension. Maybe use the best parts from all the laps and combine them into one extended lap.
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For my own personal edit of episode 1, I cut the majority of the podrace scene and made it just a hair over 3 minutes long. It runs really smoothly too. One part for example, is where the tusken raiders are shooting at the pods, they hit one pod, it jumps to a close up of the drivers face, then jumps back to showing the pod explode. It fits together seemlessly by cutting the shot of the drivers face and just showing the thing take a hit from the raiders sniper and then explode. There are many scenes like this, it is amazing how much can be removed and not make any difference to the over all race. I really don't like the podrace scene and decided that since it coulden't be taken out completely I would cut it down to almost nothing. I am surprised how well it turned out. In fact I cut right from the "You've never finished a race before?" part straight to Shmi telling Anakin to be careful, then Qui-gon saying to trust your feelings. then the race starts, and three minutes later its all over and we have a freed slave.

Just a suggestion, but I think doing something along these lines really keeps the podrace scene from bogging down the story.

"Every time Warb sighs, an angel falls into a vat of mapel syrup." - Gaffer Tape

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In my opinion, anything we can do to make the pod race shorter, the action more clear and less exhausting, we should.

Just to update you guys on the status of this project, because I know it's been awfully quiet around here. MTH has been extremely busy lately with real-world stuff and is unfortunately becoming even busier, which has consequently (through no fault of his) squelched the rapid-fire script process we were all becoming accustomed to, so right now we're taking a short break to regroup and decide how to get the process moving again in order to make our May 25th release date.

So, don't worry guys. Thanks for supporting us and hanging in there. We'll be back on track in no time.


--InfoDroid

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My 2 cents: The fact that Anakin (a human) can even pilot a pod racer, let alone win a race, is evidence enough of his force ability. No force pushing required.

War does not make one great.

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Agreed. The force push is a trained Jedi ability, not an instinct. Luke didn't force push Vader's TIE away, he just flew well and fast and shot accurately without a targeting computer - we need the same kind of untrained power here. I could go either way on the telepathic communication between Amidala and Anakin - not sure if it should come into this scene, even if it's used, but could be convinced. Not crazy about the "are you an angel" dialogue - could this go? Also don't think too much development should happen here without MTH - he's worth waiting for (if he's coming back). BTW, TJ - the clips sure livened it up for me - keep 'em coming.
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Good. People are posting again. I thought I had killed the thread.

I too lean towards not having Anakin do any obvious Force manipulation. I worry that to much Force/Destiny stuff during the race may detract from the final battle. If we've already seen Anakin concentrate on his feelings while the Force Theme swirls in the background, then when something similar happens during the big dogfight at the end, it may seem kind of repetative.
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Luke and Anakin are different, remember. You really can't compare them. Luke is selfless and would never use the Force to gain power. Luke also had a somewhat safe childhood with Owen and Beru. The only real problem was that they wouldn't let him leave. Anakin always wanted to control things, even as a kid ("I don't want things to change!"). He was a slave with ambitions - even his best friends made fun of him because they didn't believe in him. I think it's more than likely that Anakin had quite a bit of anger inside that he unwittingly let out as a Force power. He was finally gonna prove his worth when Sebulba nearly got him killed. I'd get frustrated, that's for sure! I still personally think it could work.
"The things that stick in my mind and make me laugh were, like, memos worried about whether or not the Wookie should have pants. They're looking at this thing and saying, "Couldn't he have some lederhosen?" This is great. Of all the things to worry about, the Wookie has no pants." -Mark Hamill
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But it's necessary for Anakin to have a story arc across three movies (some would say six). If he's displaying his anger and using force powers now, he doesn't change a lot. We should see the potential for power and the potential for good that Qui-Gon sees. It all starts to go horribly wrong when Anakin meets Palpatine. The PT suffers from too much foreshadowing - remember the idea of this edit is to make TPM stand alone, and the sage play best in chronological order.
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Still, with regards to storytelling, less is always more. Just drop hints of Anakin's powers. Full-on telepathy would be too far.
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Hey Guys,

Just a quick note to let you know what's going on.

I spoke to MTH last night, and he feels the need to drop out of the process for a little while. He'll still poke his head in from time to time to comment on what we're doing, but he agrees it's best for us to continue without him for the time being.

Accordingly, Commander Courage and DarthPreston will immediately be taking over the writing process, which will start moving us in a forward direction again.

As to the above posts by THX, DaystromX, Sluggo and others regarding Anakin, without being rude, my opinions on those issues and my rebuttals to detractors were amply stated three pages ago. So, I want you to know I'm not ignoring your comments, I'm just waiting for someone else to step in and argue it out.

Of course, the views and opinions expressed by me personally in this thread don't necessarily reflect the final direction this project will take. I think it's all about trying out different concepts and seeing what works and what doesn't, and not immediately dismissing ideas simply because they are in conflict with the opinions of George Lucas or some pre-ordained "story arc" for Anakin. The fact is, his character was sickeningly sweet in TPM, and lacked any depth whatsoever. I doubt you'll disagree that building character is all about revealing conflict and weaknesses in a person. Otherwise he's just a one-dimentional piece of cardboard. And that goes for any of the characters. I know Anakin's broader character arc plays out over the course of the six films. But if this is to be a "stand alone" film, then he needs to go through some sort of mini-arc exclusive to this movie to make him a more interesting character.

--InfoDroid

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WRT to the Pod Race (sorry if anyone has already suggested this, or if this contradicts any previous decisions):

I think one of the big problem with the pod race (okay, *A* big problem with the pod race) is that it's the first time in the series when Anakin does anything, and he's fanastically successful at it. The character's got everything he needs right from the beginning. So, what if we make it so he's not fantastically successful at pod racing. He's good, yes, but at some point he gets in over his head, and Qui-Gon has to bail him out. There's the conflict. He can't succeed without Qui-Gon's help. Then, during the final battle, Anakin gets in over his head again. Qui-Gon guides him through it for a while, but then Qui-Gon gets stabbed. Without Qui-Gon's help, Anakin crashes. Thus, the climactic moment features Anakin discovering how to succeed on his own, drawing on the force to destroy the Federation ship. If you wanted to, you might be able to even show him drawing on the dark side, setting up the key conflict of the prequels: Anakin's willingness to draw on the dark side when he finds himself in trouble.

As for how Qui-Gon helps Anakin during the race, it could be something as simple as him giving advice at a key moment. If someone could find Liam Neeson delivering some techno-babble, you could have him help Anakin during the "Anakin flips switches scene." If not, just have him say something force-y ("Feel, don't think. Use your insincts.") Or you could have Qui-Gon physically help Anakin. A close up of Qui-Gon looking serious, while the force theme plays, followed by Anakin and Sebulba's pods seperating in slow motion, and I think you'd see Qui-Gon using the Force to seperate the pods.

The big downside I see to this is that it makes it harder to accept the "Qui-Gon sees potential in Anakin" part of the pod race. But I don't think it would be difficult to edit the first part of the race showing Qui-Gon seeing the potential in Anakin.
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Very interesting suggestions, DaystromX. THAT'S the kind of thing I'm talking about!

What do some of you other guys think about this?

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I think one of the big problem with the pod race (okay, *A* big problem with the pod race) is that it's the first time in the series when Anakin does anything, and he's fanastically successful at it. The character's got everything he needs right from the beginning. So, what if we make it so he's not fantastically successful at pod racing. He's good, yes, but at some point he gets in over his head, and Qui-Gon has to bail him out. There's the conflict. He can't succeed without Qui-Gon's help. Then, during the final battle, Anakin gets in over his head again. Qui-Gon guides him through it for a while, but then Qui-Gon gets stabbed. Without Qui-Gon's help, Anakin crashes. Thus, the climactic moment features Anakin discovering how to succeed on his own, drawing on the force to destroy the Federation ship. If you wanted to, you might be able to even show him drawing on the dark side, setting up the key conflict of the prequels: Anakin's willingness to draw on the dark side when he finds himself in trouble.

I like this line of thought.

A close up of Qui-Gon looking serious, while the force theme plays, followed by Anakin and Sebulba's pods seperating in slow motion, and I think you'd see Qui-Gon using the Force to seperate the pods.

I think we want to try to avoid using slow-motion in SW, aside from dreams and visions. We have a little bit of slow-motion in the SOTDS, and we have slow motion in Luke's vision in the cave (ESB). But in the SW, slow-motion is never used in action pieces. This was one thing that irked me about the style of LOTR. Just wanted to point that out; whatever we change, and however effective it might be, we want to keep it in the same idiom.

Regarding the podrace in general: Although it's a neat idea to have the force theme and Qui-Gon talking to Anakin during the race, etc., we also have to remember that this is the first race or chase we have had in SW. We've never seen Yavin, the AT-AT's on Hoth, the speeder chase in ROTJ, etc. Therefore, it should not be treated as "same old, same old" as it is in the original. It should be fresh and interesting, with some brilliant action music to go with it. Stylistically, I really wish the alien racers weren't so ridiculous looking, but you can't really do anything besides cutting out the worst ones.

Anakin's telepathy to Padme: I think it's all in the execution. It might be a very good idea. However, we shouldn't do this more than once. We have to establish that Anakin is weaker in Episode I, so we have something to contrast with for SOTDS.

Also, I'm upset to hear that the special effects guy has decided to withdraw from the process. Did he ever read this article?: 2001 article

George Lucas: "The Internet is a new medium, it's all about doing things like that."

Jeanne Cole of Lucasfilm: "Go be creative."

It's too bad, because I was just going to throw out the following: If it's possible to put Christopher Lee into the Jedi Council, would it be possible to put Peter Cushing into the Senate, beside Palpatine? THAT would be an amazing thing.

Oh, and yes...the announcer is absolutely ridiculous and must go. If you want another crazy idea, maybe one of the fans or editors could blue-screen themselves in as the new announcer....

No, forget that. I like where you guys are going, though. I'll have more to say when I begin looking at how this is being executed. It looks good so far.

-TM

Episode II: Shroud of the Dark Side

Emperor Jar-Jar
“Back when we made Star Wars, we just couldn’t make Palpatine as evil as we intended. Now, thanks to the miracles of technology, it is finally possible. Finally, I’ve created the movies that I originally imagined.” -George Lucas on the 2007 Extra Extra Special HD-DVD Edition

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Hey guys! Well, I have decided to help out with the forward writing process of this edit. I can tell you that it is a little harder than I thought it was, but I think I'll get the hang of it. Right now, I'm just going to throw out several ideas I have had for the next few scenes.....once we have discussed some issues I will put the whole sequence in script form (just as Mathasslet has done) and i'll post it for review.

The next scenes in the movie involve discussions at

The skywalker den
the skywalker dinner table
Anakin's room
Pod Race hangars
Wattos junkshop
Obiwan in the ship (a scene we have moved to earlier in the script)
and of course in the original cut there were scenes with neimodians, sidious and maul (all of which I think are being removed for this edit)
Then , Bam, the podrace.

I think it's easy to say that this began as the slowest part for the movie the first time that I saw it. I couldn't believe how long we were kept on tatooine hanging out with anakin's friends, watchig quigon mack on shmi, and the wonderful antics of jar jar binks. As trooperman stated, the use of SLOW MOTION scenes is not necessary, however, my idea is to take certain scenes or movements from the actors and "slow" the movement of the action down a bit. So instead of a quick head turn from a character, it would be a smooth head turn, just has a more dramatic visual......you'll see what I mean. Hopefully it can be accomplished to the point where it won't even be noticed that the shot is slowed down.....just so that the shot looks "better" somehow. We will really need it in the edit so that we can make performances from scenes that weren't there originally. For instance I would love to try and craft a scene of anakin staring a darth maul for a few seconds as he begins to fight the jedi in the hangar.

Therefore, there is ALOT to fix with the next 30-40 minutes of the movie. I'm going to discuss a few scenes and some ideas I have for trimming them up or making them better.

Last time that we let off in the script Anakin was leading his friends through the sandstorm into their hut.

-Show the clip of them entering the house, anakin shaking the dust off and cut the clip right before "mom, mom i'm home". Add in an audio clip of shmi saying "anakin?" (from the "anakin its your bedtime" scene).
-Cut to shot of her turning around the corner with anakins audio of "These are my friends, mom".
-Cut to shot of quigon introducing himself (for the first time)
"I'm qui-gon gin"
-Then cut to a full screen shot of Qui-Gon "your son was kind enough to offer us shelter"

-NOW, cut to scene of the sandstorm outside and a quick cut to the dinner scene right after.

I feel that this connects the moment more smoothly. I'd like to save the scene with anakin, padme, and 3p0 for AFTER dinner sometime. It would feel more interesting if they got to the plot of what to do a lot faster than the original cut portrayed. Who feels like bobbing along with anakin to the next room? We want to see what Qui-Gon is going to do, is he going to hang out? What plan does he have? That is what the dinner scene will reveal.

-For the dinner scene, I think it would be beneficial to borrow several cuts that Magfan made with his edit. He created a VERY smooth cut for the scene, however, there is one thing that I thought could be elaborated on.

When it gets to the point where anakin looks at qui-gon and says " your a jedi knight arn't you?" (add in a little bit of that "magical" sounding Star wars music)
-Take the shot of qui-gon looking up at him and use the "slow down" method so it appears that he's a little more shocked by the statement.
-Cut back to anakin looking seriously at Qui-Gon
-Cut back to shot of quigon continuing "what makes you think that?"
-Cut to shot of anakin "I saw your lazer sword" , cut out "only jedi carry that kind of weapon".
-Shot of qui "perhaps I killed a jedi and took it from him".
-Cut to a quick response from anakin " No one can kill a jedi". Cut out, "i don't think so".
-Cut to the shot of Shmi sighing and looking down
-Cut back to Qui-gon "I wish that were so"

Then I would play the rest of the scene out as MagFan has editted. I will post the details of that a little later in script form so that it can be read smoothly. But those are a couple of quicky's I had to spice up the moment a bit.

After dinner, I would try throwing in the 3PO scene.
-Cut to shot of artoo rolling into the room
-Remove all dialouge from the beginning of the scene, it looks better with the visual of anakin removing the cloak off of 3po with music playing through it. Since the characters heads are turned away, you can't even see them talking. Therefore you can remove all of the banter between anakin and padme for the beginning.
-Start the dialouge off with "he's a protocal droid to help mom"
-Cut out "watch"
-Show anakin pushing the button, 3po clicks awake. I think that most, if not all, of 3po's dialouge should be changed for this scene. There is plent of material to go through in the radio dramas (which I need to look into) and should create 3po to be a little more "bitchy" about not having an eye, not being able to walk properly, and of course meeting the rust bucket R2 for the first time. Their meeting should have been funnier, why was it not funny at all?
-As 3po sits up , show the shot of anakin reching for the other eye socket , cut out the "whoops" and clip the scene before he goes "yeah".
-After 3po gets up, show the scene of anakin mentioned "when the storm is over, i'll show you my racer". Cut out " i'm building a pod race".
-And of course an attempt at new dialouge between r2 and 3po would be a nice change. Considering there is no visual reaction between either one of them, this could be accomplished.

Now, there are scenes involving the nemoidians and the sith. I have been told that since sidious is not a part of this movie, the nemoidians will have to be the "break away" from the tatooine scenes. Hence, here is the dilemma for this part of the script. We HAVE to get off of tattoine for a moment. We have been on the desert planet one scene after the next. Since we can't use the scene of Darth maul talking with sidious, or the hologram scene with the sith and nemoidians............we're kind of at a loss for other story to expand upon at this moment. However, nothing is set in stone, scenes can be arranged whereever they can be. Maybe we could show the scene of Nute Gunray with sio bibble (old grey haired guy) on Naboo. Either way, I feel we need a transition very soon in the script to get elsewhere in the story.

Now we have the scene with Qui-Gon making the "deal" with watto.
-I think that watto should have a theme to play with his presence. Perhaps something a little demanding, like Jabba's music....just to add a bit of intimidation to the character.
-There are plenty of weird reaction shots from anakin that should be removed. The boy just makes the weirdest looks in this scene. Kinda frumpy, I don't know how to explain it. I would also use the music as a tool in the scene. For instance, when quigon shoots out his proposal, have the music shift so that it grabs attention of the dialouge.
-There seems to be plenty of steam blowing around in the background......but not enough sound effects for it. Perhaps we should add some more "noise" to the room to flesh out the environment more.
-I would also cut out any shots that make Watto look like a cartoon character. There are plent of "over exagerrated" performances from the animators that could be tamed....for this scene and plenty others.

Then there is the introduction of Darth Maul. Since Mathasslet and CC have fleshed out this character more. I'll probably wait for CC to comment on how they wanted to execute any scenes with darth maul. I know that they are trying to meld Maul and Grevious together........but I'm not sure how they are going to accomplish that, therefore, I will wait for their comments before exploring that aspect.

The scene with Qui-Gon talking to Shmi out on the "porch".
-I would use the Magfan format on this as well, which involves cutting out discussion of his "father". Talk about a subplot that was NEVER resolved in the trilogy. As qui-gon is ending his transmission with obi wan , it is halted after qui-gon says "a ship without a power supply isn't going to get us anywhere". End transmission. I feel that has a better flow than mentioning "theres something about this boy".......then hanging up in obiwans face right as he was onto a revelation. Keep their situation the same, they have to try this crazy pod race idea because it is the ONLY one that they have. However, I would take that line from qui gon "theres something about this boy" and saving it for later in the film. Perhaps in the jedi council scene? Or perhaps like this:

Ext. Naboo ship. Naboo troops are hauling the generator and equipment into the ship

Quigon- "and now i'm going back , I have some unfinished business"
Cut to shot of obiwan with audio from quigon "theres something about this boy"
Obi wan- "yes master"
Cut to quigon- "get this hyperdrive installed"
Obiwan- "it shouldn't take long"

That is a possible way to trim THAT scene into a more fitting Master/Apprentice dialouge. I always hated the idea that obiwan would refer to poor slave child who won them their ticket out of their as a "another pathetic life form". It's just pointless. ObiWan is one of the best padawans in the jedi order, he does NOT have a "pathetic lifeforms category".

Back to earlier in the script with Anakin turning on the podracer. First I would cut the whole sequence with the ugly children running up to tell anakin he's going to be "bug squat". Do you think we should cut the scene of Jar Jar fumbling with the wrench and getting shocked? It is a little funny and the movie could use SOME comic relief (considering we're cutting out all of the 4 year old humor from the film). I would take out "ITS WORKING, ITS WORKING!". But it wouldn't hurt to leave it in, its not THAT bad. I havn't worked out all of the details for this scene or the "waking up" scene. I don't think I want the "waking up" scene anyway, just bad performance from Jake and Natalie. I know there was an idea of anakin having a "foreshadow" dream at this point........however I didn't really get into that idea. I didn't like the idea of looking at images from the next 2 movies while your watching the first one, WAY too confusing for a first time viewer. It also makes it feel like a fan edit as in "real time" the footage for the other movies would not have been filmed yet.

The Pod Race- lets get to that a little later.

-After the podrace we have the scene with watto and quigon, which is pretty good all the way through. I don't really have any problems. Adding some music to the scene will put some character into it. I'll look at it again and see if there is any dialouge that can be trimmed down.

-When quigon is going back with anakin to their house I would cut out the dialouge they have "these are yours"...."YES!". Just music and the image of him handing the boy his prize.

-I think that the "goodbye" sequence could be altered. I'll save some detail for my next post, however there is too much "back and forth" emotion going on. Anakin is just bouncing all around the place.... "look at the money i won"...."I'm free? Did you hear that?" ....."Yipee"......"I want to do it mom, its what i've always dreamed of"......."what about mom, can't she come"......."i don't want to leave".......back and forth. The intention of the scene is to show, not a 9 year old boy, but a very wise young "jedi-to-be" deciding at a critical point in his life if he should stay with his mom, or follow the adventure. I'm going to work on this scene this weekend using dialouge from anakin and shmi's Tone Poem and see what I can pull together. I would also like to trim the official "good bye scene outside". I'm thinking of cutting right to the point where anakin is hugging his mom before he leaves and the silent looks that they give each other........then "don't look back"........."don't look back"..........then anakin walks off with quigon. We need to cut the scene of him walking off, then running back to her saying he can't leave AGAIN. Back and forth.

-how about cutting the entire "good bye 3po" scene? Is this really necessary? What can we salvage from it?
-Then we need to add in the probe droid deleted scene.
-Darth Maul vs. Qui-gon
-"Anakin skywalker, this is obiwan kenobi"......cut to "pleasure to meet you"..... cut out the "your a jedi TOO?"
-Then they fly off of tattoine and the story moves on.

Now I know that there is alot of detail to work out for all of these scenes. But I thought it would be a good idea to recap all of the ideas and see what other comments you guys can come up with. Let the brain storming begin and I will get to working on a Script version of the scenes. Let's not be afraid to swap dialouge, add/subtract music, add sound effects, decolorization..........these are the tools we have. I'll be back after a little more brainstorming.

darthpreston