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Lord help me!
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"I'VE GROWN TIRED OF ASKING, SO THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME..."
The Mangler Bros. Psycho Dayv Armchaireviews Notes on Suicide
FOR THE MARRIED OTers
Lord help me!
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"I'VE GROWN TIRED OF ASKING, SO THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME..."
The Mangler Bros. Psycho Dayv Armchaireviews Notes on Suicide
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It's a unique institution, to be sure. Never a dull moment.
My wife and I have been together for 11 years, married for 7, parents for 6 and 3/4. We got engaged in Feb of 98 to be married in two years, then on Father's Day we found out about my daughter and moved things up. My life has never been the same since. I never in a million years thought I would change a diaper, or sit up at night worrying about a sick child or spouse, or that I would enjoy going to a soccer game (for a long time I couldn't stand the "Soccer Mom" crowd), or that I would go to Parent-Teacher Conferences. Wouldn't give it up for anything now.
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I'm 25 and I've been married for 18 months, so I guess you could say I started young compared to a lot of people. As a result I get a lot of ridicule from my peers who, despite being in their mid 20s are still living like teenagers. What age were you guys when you tied the knot?
It's a steep learning curve, that's for sure, but it's going pretty well and I wouldn't change it. The only real problem I'm having is juggling activities - I play in a band, work as a freelance illustrator (I also have a day job so all the illustrating is done after work), factor in domestic chores like laundry and now I also have to be a loving attentive husband, which of course I want to be. I can no longer stay out jamming with the band till 3 am, or get home from an 8 hour day at the office, switch on my computer and work on my illustrations for another 6 hours before going to bed. My passions are being relegated to mere hobbies, which is kind of annoying.
We've also got some added stress because I'm English and She's American. We applied for a visa for me shortly after marrying but they're dragging their heels with the paperwork so we've been living in a sort of limbo because we don't know if we'll be here another week or another year.
War does not make one great.
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But our big change was becoming homeowners a little over a year ago. Did I ever imagine myself doing all this work? Hell no. We've done so much work to the place over the last year, it's ridiculous. I just want to crash. It has slowed down as we're vowing to pay off our Home Depot card before we start another huge project. But I know we'll likely have something else in the works by late summer or early fall. We shall see.
--Vizzini (Wallace Shawn), The Princess Bride
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Kevin A
Webmaster/Primary Cynic
kapgar.typepad.com
kapgar.com
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Originally posted by: Number20
married for two years. Just had our first child a week ago. A healthy little girl.
married for two years. Just had our first child a week ago. A healthy little girl.
Congrats
War does not make one great.
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Glad to hear you say you didn't feel like you were missing out on anything. I definitely don't. In fact, I sometimes feel sorry for the friends of mine that 'don't get it'.
I think marriage in your early-mid twenties is more common in America. I have lots of American friends (originally my wife's friends, now mine) who are married or jealous of her for having found someone and being married. Here in Englnad, young people today seem to find it weird. Having said that, my parents were both 21 when they were married and 24 when they had me, but I think now the average age of getting married is 32 or something. I am definitely in the minority. These days it seems to be all about career and multiple partners. But You gotta do what you feel is the right path for you. I'm proud of myself for going against the grain.
War does not make one great.
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My wife and I have a great understanding of each other's needs, which I think is the secret to our success. I'm a geek, and she knows that, so there are no arguments about long hours in front of my computer or 4-hour Morrowind gaming sessions. She also gives me no flak about my time-consuming and expensive home theater hobby. Despite these activities, we spend a lot more time together than you'd think, and that's why we're doing well. In addition to a couple hours each night after work, we usually spend the entire weekend just hanging out together, which is really nice.
Things haven't changed either. All the married guys I know were telling me things would change. I'd tell them we'd already been living together for years, but they'd still try and scare me. Nothing has changed though. We get along great for the most part and each occasionally want to throw the other out the window to his or her death. Normal marriage I think.
We refer to our plan to have children as our 5 Year Plan. It's been the 5 Year Plan for the past three years though.
MTFBWY…A
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Originally posted by: Jay
We refer to our plan to have children as our 5 Year Plan. It's been the 5 Year Plan for the past three years though.
We refer to our plan to have children as our 5 Year Plan. It's been the 5 Year Plan for the past three years though.
I think what Jay is trying to say is that he originally envisioned having 9 children, but then decided to call it quits after three (two of which will turn out rather nicely but the youngest can be kind of goofy), then 5 years or so later he'll go back and decide to have three more but those will turn out to be right rat bastards. Then he'll decide that his first three kids all need extreme make-overs and that they never really existed prior to their plastic surgeries and he'll also deny that he ever wanted to have nine kids and blame us at the OT.Com for making up such a ridiculous story.
Wait, what were we talking about again?
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Originally posted by: JediSage
Something about my relationship I love with my wife is that we give eachother space when we need it. I have a good friend who's wife keeps him on a tight leash. By this I mean he can't even watch sports if she's around. With us it's like, if she needs space, she goes out and plays cards with the women in my family on Saturday nights (she's an only child). If I want to go out I say "I'm going out". This is not to say I spend my time carousing. But if I want to go to a movie with my friends, I just do. The same with her. It's not good to be always with eachother all the time. We spend time together at night during the week, after the kids are in bed, which usually means we're both exhausted, but we chill with a glass of wine in front of the fire and watch some dumb-a## show and make fun of it together. Even if we wind up falling asleep, at least we do it together.
Something about my relationship I love with my wife is that we give eachother space when we need it. I have a good friend who's wife keeps him on a tight leash. By this I mean he can't even watch sports if she's around. With us it's like, if she needs space, she goes out and plays cards with the women in my family on Saturday nights (she's an only child). If I want to go out I say "I'm going out". This is not to say I spend my time carousing. But if I want to go to a movie with my friends, I just do. The same with her. It's not good to be always with eachother all the time. We spend time together at night during the week, after the kids are in bed, which usually means we're both exhausted, but we chill with a glass of wine in front of the fire and watch some dumb-a## show and make fun of it together. Even if we wind up falling asleep, at least we do it together.
Same here. I'm turning into an old man and I never was much for going out anyway, so my wife usually goes out and has a few beers with her friends on Friday or Saturday night, then we go out for dinner whatever night she doesn't go out. Sometimes we throw a movie in there. Her friends think I'm odd because I actually trust my wife to go out without me, but I'm fine with it. She gets what she needs at home, so I know she's not going anywhere.
MTFBWY…A
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Princess Leia: I happen to like nice men.
Han Solo: I'm a nice man.
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Joke man!
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Princess Leia: I happen to like nice men.
Han Solo: I'm a nice man.
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I've been with my missus for the last 4 years now, been living together for 3. Have a little one year old who keeps us very busy and very tired, but wouldn't change him for the world
Trying for our second right now. Not really my idea, but she wants the gap to be around two years for the kids, so I just go along to keep here happy.
And as far as I can tell, a happy wife is a happy home!!
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trying to talk to people who aren't in the know about marriage and kids is different now. they have a totally different idea of what life is about. i also don't mind one bit having a daughter at 23. i used to go out all the time while my parents stayed home. now, when i call them, they are going out and i'm home stuck with my kid! but once i get to that age it will all be worth it. plus i get to see her grow up. any older than when we had her would probably have been a bad move. i really don't want to be 50 and still have to take care of a teenager!
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I will say that being an only child and someone who treasures his 'me time' the impending addition to our coupledom scares the crap out of me in ways. Yeah yeah yeah I know its great and all (as I've heard 10 million times) but it'll take a lot of getting used to, especially for a set-in-his-ways 34 year old! At least I already *have* a lots of Disney and kids-oriented DVDs as I'm a kid at heart... then again they occupy the shelves right next to my zombie films, 'Pulp Fiction', etc etc etc... I can only hope that my child grows up as twisted as I am.
And DAYV- I'll try to get her to cross her legs an extra day or so so you and I can match up!
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Originally posted by: HotRod
but she wants the gap to be around two years for the kids, so I just go along to keep here happy.
but she wants the gap to be around two years for the kids, so I just go along to keep here happy.
My kids are 2 years, 2 months, 2 days, 2 hours, and 2 minutes apart, believe it or not...
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Originally posted by: greencapt
I'm in a similar situation to you ricardo- the missus and I are polar opposites on media and hobby stuff but on the same track for all the stuff that counts.
I will say that being an only child and someone who treasures his 'me time' the impending addition to our coupledom scares the crap out of me in ways. Yeah yeah yeah I know its great and all (as I've heard 10 million times) but it'll take a lot of getting used to, especially for a set-in-his-ways 34 year old! At least I already *have* a lots of Disney and kids-oriented DVDs as I'm a kid at heart... then again they occupy the shelves right next to my zombie films, 'Pulp Fiction', etc etc etc... I can only hope that my child grows up as twisted as I am.
And DAYV- I'll try to get her to cross her legs an extra day or so so you and I can match up!
I'm in a similar situation to you ricardo- the missus and I are polar opposites on media and hobby stuff but on the same track for all the stuff that counts.
I will say that being an only child and someone who treasures his 'me time' the impending addition to our coupledom scares the crap out of me in ways. Yeah yeah yeah I know its great and all (as I've heard 10 million times) but it'll take a lot of getting used to, especially for a set-in-his-ways 34 year old! At least I already *have* a lots of Disney and kids-oriented DVDs as I'm a kid at heart... then again they occupy the shelves right next to my zombie films, 'Pulp Fiction', etc etc etc... I can only hope that my child grows up as twisted as I am.
And DAYV- I'll try to get her to cross her legs an extra day or so so you and I can match up!
One thing I'll say is when you have young kids (mine are 6 & 4), it becomes very difficult for parents to get some peace and quiet. My wife and I usually don't get any until after they go to bed, which is tough because by then we're both wiped. I was off on Monday of this week, but so was my wife and the kids. So, my wife and I are in our bedroom trying to watch something on our DVR and the kids kept coming in every 5 minutes. I finally got really mad and was like "Can't we get 5 minutes of peace?". I love my kids dearly, but there are times when you just need a break.
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KIONA WILL BE 8 IN MARCH, AND HARRISON WILL BE 3 IN JULY. I CAN'T IMAGINE MY LIFE WITHOUT MY KIDS. AT TIMES I CAN IMAGINE MY LIFE WITHOUT THE WIFEY. I'LL BE 32 IN JUNE, AND SHE JUST TURNED 31 LAST MONTH. OUR EDUCATION LEVELS ARE NOWHERE NEAR EACH OTHER AS I WAS TAKING MY COLLEGE COURSES IN JUNIOR HIGH, AND SHE DIDN'T MAKE IT OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL FOR REASONS I SHALL NOT POST HERE FOR NOW. WE'VE STRUGGLED FINANCIALLY, OF COURSE. WE'VE HAD ONE HOUSE BURN DOWN. BOTH OF MY CHILDREN WERE IN THE NICU WHEN THEY WERE BORN. UNFORTUNATELY, HER WHOLE FAMILY LIVES IN THE AREA, AND MY NEAREST RELATIVE IS AT LEAST TWO HOURS AWAY. IT'S EXTREMELY RARE THAT I GET TO SEE ANY OF MY FAMILY. MY PARENTS HAVEN'T SEEN THE KIDS SINCE HARRY WAS ABOUT A MONTH OLD. WE KEEP ARGUING ABOUT HOME REPAIRS. SHE WANTS TO PAINT THE INSIDE OF OUR HOME, BECAUSE HARRY HAS MARKED ON THE WALLS. I WANT TO WAIT ANOTHER YEAR, BECAUSE HE HAS YET TO GROW OUT OF THAT PHASE. WHAT'S THE POINT OF PAINTING OVER THE MARKS IF HE'S JUST GOING TO DO IT AGAIN AFTERWARDS ??? SHE HAS PROBLEMS SEEING THE "BIG PICTURE." THROUGH IT ALL THOUGH I LOVE HER, AND SHE LOVES ME.
"I'VE GROWN TIRED OF ASKING, SO THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME..."
The Mangler Bros. Psycho Dayv Armchaireviews Notes on Suicide
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Anywhoo:
About a month ago my wife says "What if we move the big couch so it's against the windows, and move the love seat so it's in front of the tv?" I say "I don't like it. We give up too much sitting space in front of the tv, and we use the big couch the most".
The same conversation was had 3 times. I come home one day and it's moved the way she wanted it. She says "How do you like it?". I say "I told you how I like it the last 3 times you asked me. It sucks". About a week of having no room to sit in front of the tv and she says "I don't like it, you were right. Help me move it back", to which I say "You moved it here, you move it back".
Then there's the "You just can't wiiiiiin" factor. They can tell you the sky is pink at midnight, and no matter how you try to reason with them, it makes sense to THEM.
Then there's the "Hey, My husband just picked up, and very deliberately thumbed through a book to get to a certain page, now he's being intensely studious about it. He must want me to blab in his ear for the next 25 minutes non-stop".
OK...this has officially become the b#tch about your spouse thread...
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"I'VE GROWN TIRED OF ASKING, SO THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME..."
The Mangler Bros. Psycho Dayv Armchaireviews Notes on Suicide