Put one of my groomsmen into the ground today. 28 years old. Lost his mind in the realm of drugs and mental illness. It started with weed at far too young of an age, then weed turned to hallucinogens and psychedelics. His brain, his very reasoning, wittled away under the influence of such chemicals. Whether you believe this in a real spiritual sense or not, he began to tell us how he would speak with demons. He changed. Complete incoherence and mental psychosis followed. He tried every treatment plan under the sun. We tried so hard to offer help, show him love, but he didn’t accept. He grew to only desire the surreal, the desire for life and reality slipped away, no matter how much you were there for him. The demons in his mind took his life.
Hard to find solace in such awfulness. Cherish the good memories you are able to have with your loved ones, accept that sometimes there are forces outside of your control that you can’t beat yourself up over, and always, always, show one another true love.
RIP Brother, I will miss you until the end of my days.
Very sorry for your loss.
I have a few family members going through pretty much what you described right now, actually. Seems to be happening more and more these days.
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My ADHD meds (Adderall) aren’t really working all that well anymore. My head is cluttered again and I’m not happy except for when I’m doing stuff related to my hobbies (Star Wars, Marvel, Paleontology, Godzilla, etc.) or talking to a friend, which doesn’t happen as often as I’d like. I’m cluttering myself with amount of hobby projects I’m working on bc my focus is gone, I want to do so much all at the same time, but I can’t. I have to focus and that’s hard.
I miss when my meds were new, when my own head felt like a nice place to call home for the first time.
Star Wars, Paleontology, Superhero, Godzilla fan. Darth Vader stan. 23. ADHD. College Student majoring in English Education.
My Star Wars Fan-Edits
I think I’ve hit rock bottom in my life. I just got a shit deal at work after working there for 18 years and I’m so miserable. I’m 37 and nothing to show for my life. I have no transferable skills other than the ones in this miserable job I want to get out of, my college degree is a decade old and worthless. I’m in therapy, I’m on meds, my life finally seemed to be looking up, and now I’ve crashed again because of this horseshit at work. I keep sleeping for 10-12 hours to get away from life. I just don’t see the point of keeping going. My life doesn’t feel worthwhile anymore. I’m sick of life and I’m sick of living it.
“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”
Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death
I’m very sorry to hear that, Mike. I wish I knew what to say.
I know I say this a lot in this thread, but I might as well give you your annual reminder to give Jesus a try, since I truly believe it’s the only thing that will make you really happy. It’s not necessarily the message you want right now, but it’s what I’ve got.
If you need a friendly ear, mine is up for it Mike.
I’m just a simple man trying to make my way in the universe.
Star Wars has 3 eras: The eras are 1977-1983(pre Expanded Universe), (1983-2014) expanded universe, or (2014- now) Disney-bought version. Each are valid.
My movie reviews aren’t AI, they’re just written by someone who’s Neurodivergent. If you don’t like them, then simply don’t read them.
Well, someone at work whom I don’t like and have always had a contentious relationship with has taken up my shift. My mind is boggled.
I’m very sorry to hear that, Mike. I wish I knew what to say.
I know I say this a lot in this thread, but I might as well give you your annual reminder to give Jesus a try, since I truly believe it’s the only thing that will make you really happy. It’s not necessarily the message you want right now, but it’s what I’ve got.
If God’s up there, He gave up on me a long, long time ago.
EDIT: Well, well. Maybe not.
“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”
Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death
…Is that good news? I hope so.
God hasn’t given up on you. He’s just respecting your choices.
…Is that good news? I hope so.
God hasn’t given up on you. He’s just respecting your choices.
It’s very good news, for now anyway. If God’s up there, I shouldn’t blame Him for these things either. I was raised Catholic and have a fair bit of sympathy for religion in some ways, it’s given me a lot, but find it very destructive in others, so my feeling about it are very, very complex. I’m sorry if I came across like I was judging your faith. I admire and sometimes even envy people’s faith, but I’ve largely lost mine. That’s not a slight on people who haven’t, but my politics are such that I often don’t like what it makes people think and do, if that’s fair.
“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”
Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death
Glad to hear it!
No need to worry about making me feel judged! If I’m going to bring up my religion all the time, it would be kind of silly to get offended about people disagreeing with me.
I can understand. I’ve been in that mindset (or at least a similar one–I can’t read your thoughts), so I don’t blame you at all. I just know how great it’s been to rediscover my faith (and discover how many misconceptions I had about it), so it’s hard to resist throwing it out there at random passersby.
But whatever you believe or do, I wish you well, and I’m truly happy to hear at least some things are looking up for you.
The fires in Los Angeles have destroyed many a place I used to frequent in my younger years, and they have destroyed the homes of family. Fortunately, the people I love are safe for now.
I’m just a simple man trying to make my way in the universe.
Star Wars has 3 eras: The eras are 1977-1983(pre Expanded Universe), (1983-2014) expanded universe, or (2014- now) Disney-bought version. Each are valid.
My movie reviews aren’t AI, they’re just written by someone who’s Neurodivergent. If you don’t like them, then simply don’t read them.
Wow, sorry to hear that. Up here in Canada, people were praying for you guys at church today. The photos I’ve been seeing are horrific.
I am in Los Angeles and consider myself “fortunate” to only have a blackout the last two days and hope this is the worst of it.
Unfortunately, people have died and thousands of people have lost their homes with nearly everything they had.
And now I’m back to getting fucked over at work. Knew it was too good to last. I’ve tired to find another job so many times over the years, always in vain to be stuck here. Maybe this is just my lot in life, perhaps after all the years making this my only marketable skill, maybe I deserve this. I know I should put things in perspective, but God, it’s hard. I don’t ask to be a millionaire or a rock star. I ask for small things, and I seem unable even to get those sometimes. I realize I’m blowing things out of proportion, but I’m past the point of caring. I love my parents, I love my family, I love my friends, but they just don’t feel like enough anymore. Fuck my job, fuck management, fuck capitalism, and fuck my life. I think I’ve finally hit bottom. It’s always on us to change, never society. It’s never the fault of the broken system, always the individual. I’m sick of fighting. I can never win.
Then I see whats happening in California, and it reminds me to put things in perspective, and then I feel like an asshole for saying all of this.
“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”
Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death
And now I’m back to getting fucked over at work. Knew it was too good to last. I’ve tired to find another job so many times over the years, always in vain to be stuck here. Maybe this is just my lot in life, perhaps after all the years making this my only marketable skill, maybe I deserve this.
You don’t. Never believe otherwise.
Then I see whats happening in California, and it reminds me to put things in perspective, and then I feel like an asshole for saying all of this.
This speaks volumes to me. You’re a beautiful human being who loves your fellow Man. I know too many people who fixate on themselves but never consider the plights of others.
I refuse to dehumanize anyone. Your ethical/moral/political/religious views may be utterly repugnant to me, but I strive to hold Luke 23:34 close to my heart.
And now I’m back to getting fucked over at work. Knew it was too good to last. I’ve tired to find another job so many times over the years, always in vain to be stuck here. Maybe this is just my lot in life, perhaps after all the years making this my only marketable skill, maybe I deserve this.
You don’t. Never believe otherwise.
Then I see whats happening in California, and it reminds me to put things in perspective, and then I feel like an asshole for saying all of this.
This speaks volumes to me. You’re a beautiful human being who loves your fellow Man. I know too many people who fixate on themselves but never consider the plights of others.
Thank you. You’re very kind. Things appear to be looking up in terms of my schedule at work, which is good, but there are other issues. I want to get out of there, but God, it’s so hard. I don’t want to work retail anymore, but it’s the only thing I’ve done for almost two decades. I just don’t know what to do.
My dad’s Parkinson’s is continuing to accelerate and I think he’s rapidly moving beyond the ability my mother and I have to help, but we can’t really afford any more help without selling the house. I don’t know what we’re going to do.
“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”
Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death
Just had a breakup and the thing about this one that really throws me off is that there’s nothing for me to blame myself or the ex for. I’m so used to either taking or assigning blame that I’m left unsure about how to handle it.
I’m just a simple man trying to make my way in the universe.
Star Wars has 3 eras: The eras are 1977-1983(pre Expanded Universe), (1983-2014) expanded universe, or (2014- now) Disney-bought version. Each are valid.
My movie reviews aren’t AI, they’re just written by someone who’s Neurodivergent. If you don’t like them, then simply don’t read them.
My boss at work went through something unimaginable in our so-called “health care” system. My autism and empathy are such that I almost feel like I’m vicariously traumatized by it. I just cannot BELIEVE the horror of what they’ve told me and it’s destroying any residual faith I had in the system or the human race. Things aren’t having the issues I mentioned above at work again now, but it could recur at any moment. My dad’s Parkinson’s is getting worse every day. I just feel like I’m coming to the end of my rope. And my therapist took a week off and then through a confluence of circumstances, couldn’t get me in the next week either. I’m sorry to bug you guys, I just feel like I have no place to go.
“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”
Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death
I’m sorry to bug you guys, I just feel like I have no place to go.
You don’t bug me at all. I always feel for you, no matter what. And I know I’m not the only one here who does.
I refuse to dehumanize anyone. Your ethical/moral/political/religious views may be utterly repugnant to me, but I strive to hold Luke 23:34 close to my heart.
^This.
^This.
Thirded
I’m just a simple man trying to make my way in the universe.
Star Wars has 3 eras: The eras are 1977-1983(pre Expanded Universe), (1983-2014) expanded universe, or (2014- now) Disney-bought version. Each are valid.
My movie reviews aren’t AI, they’re just written by someone who’s Neurodivergent. If you don’t like them, then simply don’t read them.
Thank you all.
“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”
Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death
I finally saw a career counselor today. I got fucked over again on the schedule thanks to the worthless union contract (For now, it looks like it’ll be one day, but that’s what they said the last few times.), and my toxic coworker has become utterly fucking unbearable. But I have 20 years seniority where I work, too many benefits, good pay, lots of experience, and generally good hours. If I jump ship, I’ll lose all of that. I feel like I’m being faced with an impossible decision. There’s no way to win here, I lose all the benefits I have with my current job if I do get a new one or stay so bitterly miserable that my mother, my friend, and my therapist have all brought up questions using the S word because they’re worried about me. I told them that I wouldn’t ever hurt myself, but I just feel so hopeless and helpless. The career counselor and I talked about a few options, and she’s going to send me some stuff about job-hunting, some possible prospects, etc. But none of it looks good or pleasing to me. Everyone warned me to try to get out of this job many years ago when I wasn’t as entrenched, and now I feel like it’s too like. I just don’t feel like things can continue this way.
My father’s Parkinson’s gets worse every day too. He won’t exercise or do anything about it, and I’m watching him deteriorate in front of me. I don’t know why I keep going. There’s nothing left of me, all I do is live for others. I have to help my mom with him, I have to work for my money, but I don’t even know what I want out of life. I’m on meds and in theory, but that can’t do any good without clear goals and right now, I’m too myopic to see past my next workday. Even when I take time off, all I do is dread going back. I’m not stimulated at all, and I need to give up on my dream job of writing and film criticism, because I’m obviously never getting that, or anything even remotely approximating it. I’ve looked at a few alternatives like factory work or data entry, and they look possible, but prospects for a decent schedule are all bleak, never even mind the other problems. I just don’t know what to do. God gave me so many opportunities-the film industry even briefly came to my state-and wasted them out of fear and cowardice. I feel like I deserve what I have now, but Jay doesn’t make me feel any less miserable about it. I don’t know why I keep going.
“What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.”
Neil Postman, Amusing Ourselves to Death
You’re thinking of your 20 years seniority and everything you have with your current company in terms of what you’ll lose. But that kind of experience and dedication is exactly what might land you a good job elsewhere. Why not start looking and see what you can find? If you find something that’s a good fit, then you can quit your current job. If you don’t find anything, then you’ve still got a good job in the meantime.
My dad switched careers in his 40s and was much happier for it. It’s tough to do, but it might be worth it.
It’s tough to see someone decline because of Parkinson’s. My grandfather has declined quite quickly because of it. At the same time, I see it as a reminder to myself to live well in the present moment, because I don’t know how much time and good health God will give me. Everyone dies at some point and I think God allows diseases like Parkinson’s, because they make it easier to let go of life. But at the same time, allow yourself to grieve. You are losing someone of your dad in a very real sense, so be willing to acknowledge that it’s painful.
Studies typically show that people are least happy when they are middle aged. You’re probably at one of the lowest points in your life. It may feel like it’s all downhill from here, but at least statistically speaking, that’s unlikely.