Looking for some help with my next Title crawl. Here the current movie name and my first attempt. I’d love whatever feedback you’ve got for me! 😄

SECRET OF THE TEMPLE

The unrest on Lothal continues.
Despite the destruction of the
Empire’s TIE Defender factory,
the Emperor secretly continues
his sinister plans.

Reeling from the death of their
close friend and leader, the
Jedi Knight KANAN JARRUS,
the Lothal Rebellion struggles
to maintain the cohesion to
retake their beloved home world
from the Empire, who continues
to destroy it.

Governor Arihnda Pryce has
seized this unique opportunity
to celebrate with a mandated
parade, in the hopes this will
offset the judgment of Imperial
Grand Admiral Thrawn…

To get some better feedback, I’ve uploaded the crawl and opening scenes of the movie here

And yes… I have spotted the spelling errors in the crawl… The look of the shots and the music isn’t finalised yet. I just thought it’d be good to see the opening scenes after the crawl 😃