aGreatHumanBeing said:
Forgive me if this have been discussed before, but i just say everything that pops into my mind 😃
That’s great! All feedback is useful even if it doesn’t seem like it at first. 😃
Would it be better to have the (Rebels) episode number in the title?
Something like:
"Rebels
^ If I went with a number, I’d put it here, like Rebels Episode 2… I’ll think about it but that also means going back and redoing the crawl for my first movie as well (which I don’t have objections to doing).
Episode X.X
SECRET OF THE TEMPLE"
(I don’t know if it will fit here, bu I like episodes in Star Wars media!)
Should the Emperor, Pryce and Thrawn be capitalized like KANAN JARRUS?
No… well they can be but it’s not always names that get capitalised it’s just names that can be capitalised 😃
The end of the second paragraph seem a bit clunky to me, but then again - I’m not a native English-user, so perhaps it is my language skills that is lacking. There will be better words to use than in the following example, but maybe something like this?
"the Rebellion struggles
to maintain the cohesion to
retake their beloved home world
Lothal, that is relentlessly
shattered by the Empire .
I feel the slight clunk too… although I’m not sure it’s what your version corrects. Some key things I need to differentiate is that the Rebels on Lothal are split from the Rebels on Yavin now (Which is why I’ve said the Lothal Rebellion) BUT I think I do like your sentence structure better for the last part “that is relentlessly shattered by the Empire.”
Perhaps something like this:
The unrest on Lothal continues.
Despite the destruction of the
Imperial TIE Defender factory,
The Emperor secretly continues
his sinister plans.
Reeling from the death of their
close friend and rebel leader,
Jedi Knight KANAN JARRUS,
the Lothal Rebellion struggles
to maintain the cohesion to
retake their home planet which
is relentlessly being ravaged
by the Empire.
Governor Arihnda Pryce has
seized this unique opportunity
to celebrate with a mandated
parade, in the hopes this will
offset the judgment of Imperial
Grand Admiral Thrawn…