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The droid shot in the middle of the scene really kills it. Would have been nice to see the entire landing. Oh well.
The legendary "Starkiller Ranch" Thread — Page 16
The droid shot in the middle of the scene really kills it. Would have been nice to see the entire landing. Oh well.
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Incredible to see these ideas coming in. I would caution this thread against posting too many clips too quickly -- rough versions can get picked apart and good will can be lost if we rush. I seen it happen! 8-0
Originally posted by: tjdavis1138
Commander, I agree.
The droid shot in the middle of the scene really kills it. Would have been nice to see the entire landing. Oh well.
What if this: shorten the interruption -- just give us a glimpse of the droids; then back to the landing as it finishes -- then the rest of the droid shot, which is a reaction -- their bodies begin to move forward-- cut to the doorway --
just an idea to keep the landing more like one piece, and the droids as a final shot should be cued with tense music-- this is not a happy welcome committee
Here's a link to the **official**
extremely rough first cut. I haven't played much with blending the music or anything yet.
Commander, I agree.
The droid shot in the middle of the scene really kills it. Would have been nice to see the entire landing. Oh well.
What if this: shorten the interruption -- just give us a glimpse of the droids; then back to the landing as it finishes -- then the rest of the droid shot, which is a reaction -- their bodies begin to move forward-- cut to the doorway --
just an idea to keep the landing more like one piece, and the droids as a final shot should be cued with tense music-- this is not a happy welcome committee
Here's a link to the **official**
extremely rough first cut. I haven't played much with blending the music or anything yet. Awesome. So much help to see the jedi inside the approaching ship. I might try cutting a little more on movement in one shot (trim a little off the front of the wide shot so she's already moving) and getting out of the Qui Gonn shot before the co-pilot moves so he matches the next shot. Did you try a bit of the next shot, the med shot of just the captain moving toward the controls? I always thought it would help this little sequence feel more complete -- with a sound f/x of her clicking a button.
Can we cut "Captain" from Q's line? Makes it faster and more commanding. (Ahh! Stopping. Sorry.)
You said it was rough-- I probably shouldn't comment. Great work! I wish I had more script right now.
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http://www.erikstormtrooper.com/ranchedit.html
This is very plain, but I think it meets our needs. Please let me know if you have any suggestions.
Thanks,
Erik
You know of the rebellion against the Empire?
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Now we separate the men from the boys ;-) -- This next bit has the strategy of preserving the reveal of Nute for as long as possible and building up tension before we do. So the next shots have to be massaged into something they're not--
(CFSS) = Cropped Full Screen Shot
INT. CONTROL ROOM
(From the Jedi saying "the negotiations will be short.") CUT to just one (CFSS) close up of a hand hitting a console with droid icons (from the Gungan battle) -- the icon "stands"
Cut to:
INT. HALLWAY
Droids with weapons march toward camera (add Imperial March type music -- the hammer is coming down). The idea is that the Jedi are about to be assassinated by their hosts without us knowing who they are or why they want to kill these guys.
Use the two shots that currently follow the destruction of the Jedi's ship.
First shot: Marching droids. Then, just a couple beats of the Side angle wide shot: The droids reach the door and halt.
Third shot (grabbed from a few shots later): Closer front view of droids (continuity problem of yellow droid is there -- can we crop him out?) MUSIC HITTING CRESCENDO... then holding a suspenseful note that continues--
INT. WAITING ROOM
-- ...as the Door opens-- (suspense, suspense) -- and TC13 enters with drinks.
Jedi say lines; Qui Gonn takes the drink. MUSIC remains on the tense side, but still holding back--
INT. LANDING DOCK/QUI GONN'S SHIP
The MUSIC does a sly lurch as the gun descends in the hanger -- the crew panics -- the gun fires -- the ship EXPLODES and the music hits its full throttle action tempo--
INT. WAITING ROOM
The Jedi react to the explosion. The gas comes in. They hold their breath.
INT. HALLWAY
(Remembering that the droids are already at the door), cut to them opening the door and seeing the gas. Adjust their interaction per BOTF. TC13 comes out. The Jedi emerge.
Battle
Use all the battle footage in one stroke as the battle continues all the way to Obi Wan force pushing a group of droids away.
INT. CONTROL DECK
NOTE: ALL DIALOGUE IS TEMP
(Use footage from talking to TC13 scene) (CFSS) Over Nute's shoulder, favoring flunky, hiding Nute's face.
Flunky: "It has been a long time since you killed a Jedi. Let the droids handle it."
Nute: "You prevent me from killing them?"
CUT AWAY: the Jedi cut one more Droid down
BACK TO SCENE (next shot favoring Flunky off Nute's shoulder) (CFSS)
Flunky: "Your safety is vital-- The entire Trade Federation rests on your--"
CUT AWAY: the Jedi cut another Droid down
BACK TO SCENE
Nute: "Get out of my sight."
Flunky shrinks away -- using the "stunted slime" shot -- this is the first shot we get of Nute's profile. He turns toward camera (cut to CFSS on movement; add Nute Music Cue) -- cut away before Sidious image creeps in too much--
Nute: "Keeping me from my enemy endangers us all."
Cut to shot of communications flunky with the mask
Com Flunky: "We've lost their transmission sir."
Next shot: Nute spins from the screen (currently where he says "What's going on down there?").
Nute: "Lead the Jedi here. I will show you what a Nemoidian is capable of!"
Note Flunky #2 was in background of "stunted slime" shot. He now talks to Nute as they walk across the bridge toward the door together.
Flunky #2: "Please, your Lordship, reconsider. If the Jedi should get lucky and harm you, our Federation will be destroyed by the Republic. We have arranged so much to make this invasion legal. Now is not the time to jeopardize things for sport. [an order to the driods] Seal the bridge."
Nute: (Gesturing to the droids) "I will not forget this. You waste our time. The door is no match for Jedi."
Flunky #2: "Send for Destroyers. These Jedi will fall quickly."
The door closes on the bridge, sealing them in.
INT. HALLWAY
Obi Wan and Qui Gonn arrive outside the bridge. Q attacks the door.
INT. CONTROL DECK
(The shot where Nute says "That will hold them" as Flunky #2 stares at the door)
Flunky #2 (awed tone) "Close the blast door."
Nute (going crazy with desire to fight) "Let them in, the doors will not hold!"
Too late, the blast door shots-- stopping Q's blade.
INT. HALLWAY
Qui Gonn thinks, plunges into the door again-- Force theme (no changes here for me)
INT. CONTROL DECK
Door gets hot. Flunky #2 points "They are still coming through!"
Nute: "Why are you protecting me? I can smell them. Let them in!"
INT. HALLWAY
Qui Gonn continues --
INT. CONTROL DECK
Flunky #2 turns to ask "Where are those Destroyer Droids?" Nute gives him dirty look.
INT. HALLWAY
Destroyer Droids arrive. (still no changes for me)
The Jedi run.
INT. CONTROL DECK
Nute and Flunky #2 watch Jedi run. ("No match for Destroyer Droids")
Communications Guy says "Sir, a transmission from the planet"
Queen Amidala contacts them. Talk to Queen. Threaten her blatantly and brutally. End transmission.
Nute orders invasion to begin "we will conquer them now."
Cut to: Communications guy interrupts: The Jedi are in ventilation shaft.
Cut to: Shot of Nute where he whips around and says "Close the blast doors!"
Nute: "I want them! Bring them to me!"
----
The Nemoidians continue searching for the Jedi as the next shot is of Amidala's castle and we have the "communications interruption" which means only one thing: invasion. I'll be cutting Tanaka out of that as much as possible when I post it.
I don't know if this above strategy is going to fly with everyone, so I await your feedback.
More later...
By the way, InfoDroid-- The Amazon Full Screen discs are available used-- so no money would be going to LucasFilm in the purchase. Just to some online used disc dealer.
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In any case, you have my approval on this. Unless CC has any major objections before Erik adds it to the site.
There's a few changes you mentioned that I really, really love, like the button being pushed and the droids marching down the hallway. In my opinion, that's just gold. See, that's what it's all about. It's about changing the perception of the scene while using what we have available. I think this is gonna turn out great.
Great work, MTH. And thank you.
Oh, and please make sure you're keeping track of changes you make to the script after it's been posted on the site, so that we all know what's going on.
Originally posted by: MTHaslett
By the way, InfoDroid-- The Amazon Full Screen discs are available used-- so no money would be going to LucasFilm in the purchase. Just to some online used disc dealer.
By the way, InfoDroid-- The Amazon Full Screen discs are available used-- so no money would be going to LucasFilm in the purchase. Just to some online used disc dealer.
LOL! In that case, I'll have to consider it.
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As ID already pointed out, the Nemoidian dialogue should be refined, but the core material is there.
Let's keep it coming!
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As for the dialogue-- we can't just leave it up to any one person. It's too delicate an issue and shapes the story. We need to all agree what the Nemoidians say. Feel free to take a hack at it, but please don't go "final" without letting us comment. It shapes who Nute is, who the TF is, and how Sidious and Maul fit into the story.
It should probably be one of the last things we finalize if that's possible. We will probably find lots of opportunities to "cover" problems with Nemoidian dialogue that aren't apparent yet.
Again-- thanks for doing the hard work and for taking my input. This is a blast!
Edited: Didn't see CC's post until after I posted. Glad to meet your approval with this approach-- I like the suspenseful build up so much, I was afraid someone would have a good reason not to do it. :-(
But you like. Alri-i-ght.
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I'm sure you would, CC.Things are taking shape, Guys.
MTH, is there a way for you to turn on your PM's, or for you to e-mail me?
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Originally posted by: MTHaslett
As for the dialogue-- we can't just leave it up to any one person. It's too delicate an issue and shapes the story. We need to all agree what the Nemoidians say. Feel free to take a hack at it, but please don't go "final" without letting us comment. It shapes who Nute is, who the TF is, and how Sidious and Maul fit into the story.
It should probably be one of the last things we finalize if that's possible. We will probably find lots of opportunities to "cover" problems with Nemoidian dialogue that aren't apparent yet.
As for the dialogue-- we can't just leave it up to any one person. It's too delicate an issue and shapes the story. We need to all agree what the Nemoidians say. Feel free to take a hack at it, but please don't go "final" without letting us comment. It shapes who Nute is, who the TF is, and how Sidious and Maul fit into the story.
It should probably be one of the last things we finalize if that's possible. We will probably find lots of opportunities to "cover" problems with Nemoidian dialogue that aren't apparent yet.
Oh no, MTH, I totally agree. That's why I'm so concerned. This is one of the most important things IMO. So, don't worry, I'm not going to rip it out of anyone's hands. I just wanted it to be clear that my subtitles might be worded differently, but the meaning of the words will most likely be the same. And of course nothing will be finalized without everyone's approval. If you have a problem with something, it can always be discussed and then changed.
Fear not, My Friend.
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Originally posted by: InfoDroid
And is there no "stow aboard seperate ships" scene with the Jedi to establish where they're going and what their plan is? Or do we not need it?
Ah yes, I like that beat-- but it will come later, after the Queen scene. I think that makes it clearer what the Jedi are getting into.
Totally. I have to send a couple edit changes to Erik, I guess. I'd like to post the change to the ship landing and to Q's dialogue that I mentioned before. I am not making any changes that don't appear on this board-- except all the double secret probation changes!
LOL! In that case, I'll have to consider it.
And is there no "stow aboard seperate ships" scene with the Jedi to establish where they're going and what their plan is? Or do we not need it?
Ah yes, I like that beat-- but it will come later, after the Queen scene. I think that makes it clearer what the Jedi are getting into.
and please make sure you're keeping track of changes you make to the script after it's been posted on the site, so that we all know what's going on.
Totally. I have to send a couple edit changes to Erik, I guess. I'd like to post the change to the ship landing and to Q's dialogue that I mentioned before. I am not making any changes that don't appear on this board-- except all the double secret probation changes!
LOL! In that case, I'll have to consider it.
eggcellent. Whatever it takes, you need this to generate more shots. The first Qui Gonn scene desperately needs those close ups to anchor us to those characters. The one shot master gives them all the impact of featured co-stars. Qui Gonn is THE MAN in this edit. He needs to feel like it visually.
InfoDroid -- My PM is on now -- didn't know it was off
Hope Trooperman hasn't tried to send his notes to me yet
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Let's keep it coming!
No, no, slow down. This next part is going to be tougher to edit together.
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Just something I thought of today.
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Originally posted by: Commander Courage
In regards to bringing out the focus on Qui-Gon, I think the story will speak for itself and we shouldn't go out of our way with odd cuts that don't look quite right. My one complaint over the first clip was the "closeup" of Qui-Gon in the cockpit. It accomplishes nothing but breaking up a nice widescreen shot and should be put back the way it originally was (IMO).
In regards to bringing out the focus on Qui-Gon, I think the story will speak for itself and we shouldn't go out of our way with odd cuts that don't look quite right. My one complaint over the first clip was the "closeup" of Qui-Gon in the cockpit. It accomplishes nothing but breaking up a nice widescreen shot and should be put back the way it originally was (IMO).
Well, that was a rough cut. None of this stuff feels natural on its own, you have to massage it. Can you imagine ANH without that awesome first close up of Leia or the first close up of Luke? It would be much less.
But beyond simply not favoring Qui Gonn, this scene has no subtext without the close-ups. It doesn't have to be where the hoods come off, it can be as they cross the room-- but somewhere, the FS version is going to favor Q and give an opportunity for a nice close up that anchors us to this old Jedi's malaise over this dopey assignment.
The shots on the ship may work better the original way, but I sense more tension in the off-center composition. I think the beauty wide shot is better after we get the med shot-- if all the action on the cut can be made smoother. I also think adding the final med shot will make a big difference so the scene goes: med. wide. med.
We'll see...
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Script v2.0 is up: http://www.erikstormtrooper.com/ranchedit.html
You know of the rebellion against the Empire?
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Do you guys think we need to create a new thread specifically for Episode I? Or should we just leave it like this? I'm in favor of leaving it.
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I guess that what GL was trying to do with this scene, was to introduce us to the Jedi and in so doing show us how powerful they were in that era. The original dialogue "Have you ever encountered a Jedi knight, son.. We will not survive this" serves to underline this.
I would strive to keep that feeling in the edit if I was doing it.
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The first few shots are going to take some massaging-- maybe we need another shot of droids moving, liek the one in the hanger as a bunch of droids approach Anakin's downed ship-- something to indicate the droids are responding and moving toward the Jedi before the shot of the droids in the hall.
The shot of hte finger pushing the button will have to be slowed slightly, I believe as well.
MUSIC will make all this work. InfoDroid??
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The Leia/Luke/Mother re-edit
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