I actually like the fish being there, but they take a lot of time without achieving the slightest amount of excitement. I had this idea: what if the fish is coming at them, but gets grabbed itself before it grabs them-- that would have the same impact, allow for the same line-- yet not slow us down for a fake scare beat.
Yes, that would work. We see the fish, we think it's going to get them, they never see it, it closes in, but at the last second it's caught by another fish. If you want to give the sequence a proper ending you can have Jar-Jar's bug-eyed reaction and Qui-Gon turning from seeing the event say his Big Fish line. I just feel it needs better closure than the bongo just "heading for that outcropping" and that exchange might provide it.
Excellent. Though I'm sure you agree that "You're a Jedi too?" should be cut.
That's one way to go-- I'd try another as well-- using the Maul close ups and darkening the stars in the background to match the dark int. Castle background. If we use the fullscreen version cropped, that will make the job a lot easier and if we can only pull it off for a half a second it will make a huge difference.
Yes, that would work. We see the fish, we think it's going to get them, they never see it, it closes in, but at the last second it's caught by another fish. If you want to give the sequence a proper ending you can have Jar-Jar's bug-eyed reaction and Qui-Gon turning from seeing the event say his Big Fish line. I just feel it needs better closure than the bongo just "heading for that outcropping" and that exchange might provide it.
I totally agree with this-- that's why I want to cut all that stuff and get just to Padme cleaning R2. Without the Queen debriefing scene, the Padme cleaning the droid scene works a lot better. She's cleaning the droid and showing gratitude rather than telling us he deserves it. It's a much stronger character statement this way. It should be tweaked, but it provides an opportunity for Artoo to be a character and for Padme to meet Jar Jar which isn't covered in the magfan edit. I think the cleaning scene is a real undervalued opportunity. But the "debriefing" scene has got to go.
I didn't catch your removal of the report to the Queen scene. Good call and we can rework the R2 scene with the magic of subtitles. Honestly I've totally forgotten how that scene plays. I haven't watched the original Episodes I and II in over a year (chossing instead the MagnolisFan versions). I should probably do that to get a complete feel of what we have to work with.
Funny; I thought you of all people would be against it as it is one of those jokes referring to the next film. But I'd be up for it if you are if you don't think it's too blatant a reference.
Anakin's Dream: I think a combination of tone poems and quick flashes of obscured visuals would work, taking advantage of the "waking up" scene. The one thing I don't particularly like about Trooperman's nightmare sequence is that it's overlayed with Anakin in bed. He says it works best that way though, so there it is. Also, as I understand it the Episode III dreams are going to be reworked as well (just FYI). The best way to address this would be to put it aside, and after we put the majority of the film together see if it is better served by a dream or not.
Qui-Gon on Tatooine: Good points. I'm all for them is they can be smoothly edited. That's my greatest concern; we don't want things to seem cut and paste. I do wonder though if Qui-Gon betting for Anakin's freedom will be properly conveyed in just the last scene between him and Watto.
But if you imagine a different version-- Qui Gonn collapses on the floor; Obi Wan and Anakin rush in- Qui Gonn addresses them about that thing-- the ship takes off-- we cut to the EXT. SHIP FLYING shot-- we can keep the AUDIO of the introduction without the visual and solve this critical problem.
I didn't catch your removal of the report to the Queen scene. Good call and we can rework the R2 scene with the magic of subtitles. Honestly I've totally forgotten how that scene plays. I haven't watched the original Episodes I and II in over a year (chossing instead the MagnolisFan versions). I should probably do that to get a complete feel of what we have to work with.
I don't know-- I personally feel like you that it's great. I believe it should stay because it somehow feels OT, even though I know it's more of a cheap joke/reference. It added a bit of quirkiness to Watto. Can we keep it?
Funny; I thought you of all people would be against it as it is one of those jokes referring to the next film. But I'd be up for it if you are if you don't think it's too blatant a reference.
Anakin's Dream: I think a combination of tone poems and quick flashes of obscured visuals would work, taking advantage of the "waking up" scene. The one thing I don't particularly like about Trooperman's nightmare sequence is that it's overlayed with Anakin in bed. He says it works best that way though, so there it is. Also, as I understand it the Episode III dreams are going to be reworked as well (just FYI). The best way to address this would be to put it aside, and after we put the majority of the film together see if it is better served by a dream or not.
Qui-Gon on Tatooine: Good points. I'm all for them is they can be smoothly edited. That's my greatest concern; we don't want things to seem cut and paste. I do wonder though if Qui-Gon betting for Anakin's freedom will be properly conveyed in just the last scene between him and Watto.
But if you imagine a different version-- Qui Gonn collapses on the floor; Obi Wan and Anakin rush in- Qui Gonn addresses them about that thing-- the ship takes off-- we cut to the EXT. SHIP FLYING shot-- we can keep the AUDIO of the introduction without the visual and solve this critical problem.
Excellent. Though I'm sure you agree that "You're a Jedi too?" should be cut.
That's one way to go-- I'd try another as well-- using the Maul close ups and darkening the stars in the background to match the dark int. Castle background. If we use the fullscreen version cropped, that will make the job a lot easier and if we can only pull it off for a half a second it will make a huge difference.
I totally understand your desire to use the "official" Maul hologram, but think of the opportunities that would open up for dialogue if we consistently use Sidious' hologram and black-out the hood (giving him the appearance of Death). Throw in the official hologram and it ends up looking cut and paste.
Coruscant: I guess I'm just a fan of A-B-A-B-A storytelling. But sure, let's try it your way and see what we get.
Qui-Gon's funeral: Excellent points. If we want a Qui-Gon line or two in Anakin's head, the Batman Begins dialogue would be perfect as there is a fire in the background already. Though I think it would interrupt the musically-driven feel and take away from the final tone poem as Anakin flies back to Naboo (which I really hope we can pull off).
Well if we're going for that stand-alone feel, giving this episode a subtitle would sort of undermine that, wouldn't you think? So, "Star Wars" it is?