Originally posted by: MTHaslett
Anyone else here gonna comment? I feel like I posted the outline and then...

>chirp chirp< /cricket noises...

Haha, well it's quite a read, MTH, but someone had to do it so thanks for putting that all together. Now onto the comments:

-We hear Jar Jar's back story, but no giant fish grabs them
I think one fish (as in MagnoliaFan's version) is fine. Every Star Wars movie needs a creature after all, and would would want to lose Liam Neeson's extremely Irish line-reading of "There's always a bigger fish."

-Padme cleans artoo and meets Jar Jar. They land on Tatooine.
Never liked that scene, or the whole concept of the "Queen" ordering Padme to clean R2. Just dub the name of another handmaiden over "Padme" and cut the cleaning scene scene. Oh, and the lines "It is to be commended" and "It deserves our gratitude" need to go entirely.

-Find Watoo's shop, Qui Gonn talks to Watoo out back
Would it be ripping-off Magnolia Fan to have Watto hum the Cantina song? I always liked that bit, but it probably wouldn't fit with our approach would it?

-Maul/Grievous lands and sends out his probe droids.
As I suggested before I would move this to after the pod activation scene and follow it with an Anakin dream. What is the concenus on that, btw? I'm all for it if we can make it obscure and mysterious enough.

-Anakin shows Padme C3P0 after dinner.
Curious, why the shuffling of scene order here?

Sidenote: You seem to be pushing back Qui-Gon's notice/interest in Anakin's potential. Moving the conversation between him and Shmi is an interesting suggestion, but only if it can be edited smoothly. If not, it should stay as-si. Seeing his bet to free Anakin is essential though, IMO. It makes the stakes even higher: although he doesn't know it, Anakin is racing for his freedom. Moving the probe droid report to Maul up does make sense though, as the one Qui-Gon cut down is obviously not the one who returns to Maul.

-Anakin says goodbye to his mother and leaves (improved with tone poem, if possible)
-Maul sees Anakin for a moment, keeps fighting (don't know if we can do this)
Little things we should try if we can.

-(cut the intro of Anakin to Obi Wan -- it's too upbeat) Fly away--
Agree about the upbeatness of it, but it is essential nonetheless. Cutting "You're a Jedi too?" would help. If you wanted to go really extreme with it, just mute all Anakin's dialogue in the exchange and have a clip of ominous music or something.

-Maul/Grievous reports to Gunray in the palace by trasmission. Nute's stoic, but clearly not thrilled.
Good, but I take it no close ups of Maul? Or just darkening the hood to complete blackness? That might be for the best, though we'd lose the one true Maul hologram clip, it would make the editing much smoother.

Sidenote: The order of the Coruscant sequence should stay as-is. Having ALL the Senate stuff then ALL the Jedi stuff is too much of the same thing continuously. Let them break each other up.

-Queen reveals her plan -- Qui Gonn tunes out, disappointed (don't even explain the whole thing-- show him disinterested and bring up somber music). Amidala is brave, but this is hopeless...
This is good, I like this a lot.

-The Jedi fight into the hanger and free the pilots.
I assume you plan on taking this from earlier in the film? I wouldn't, and leave that bit where it was originally.

Sidenote: Overall your plans for the final battles are great, though the key to success will be in the editing.

-From Anakin's p.o.v-- we see Qui Gonn's funeral pyre. No talk to Obi Wan.
I think that exchange between Obi-Wan and Anakin is essential. It's very short but at least establishes something between them.

Sidenote: Trooperman has said he has the perfect ending music for Episode I; not that I've heard it but chances are it'll work great. Also, though I hold by my opinion that each chapter in the saga should have it's own title, if we can't think of a good enough one, I say go with "Star Wars." It would certainly be a different approach, and add to the stand-alone feel.