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A Deep, Abiding Emptiness

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Something has changed with me today.

I went into a book store during my lunch hour. One of the ones that is a national chain...one that sells a lot of other stuff besides books. As I was walking the ailes, nothing appealed to me. I thought this was strange because I am a book junkie. I can't get enough, and I've got books to keep me reading for the next 10 years at home. I perused just about every rack in the store, hoping to find something that would strike my fancy. Nothing.

Ok, how about the calendars? No. Knick-knacks? Nada. Candy/coffee/cakes? Nope. I realized that I am empty. The accumulation of "things" in my life has lead me to a dead end. Nothing I look at today can give me purpose, or fill the void I'm feeling right now.

This began, I think, as a result of me doing some reading on Pope John Paul II on Wikipedia today. When I look at his accomplishments, at the life he lived, and the difference he made, it makes me ashamed to think that I have done nothing to help ease some of the suffering in this world.

As a Christian, I believe that this world will never be "right" until the second coming (I'm only stating my belief...not inviting an argument over religion), and that I have not lived my life according to my faith. I'm feeling a deep yearning to do something about it. To try to help in some way, but I'm not sure how. I feel lost.
Nemo me impune lacessit

http://ttrim.blogspot.com
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If you're not feeling fulfilled by an accumulation of stuff, then try the opposite. Give it away. Find a bunch of stuff you don't want or need anymore and take it to Goodwill or take it to a local hospital or orphanage or some such. 'Tis the season, eh?

I donate pretty regularly, but that's not quite too fulfilling. However, several years ago, I liquidated my sports card collection. I pulled out a few I wanted to keep from a collection of about 20,000 cards and took the rest to a hospital for them to give out in their pediatric ward. It felt pretty good.
"You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia'."
--Vizzini (Wallace Shawn), The Princess Bride
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Kevin A
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Accumulation of stuff is never really fulfilling. Like you said, you have to have some sort of purpose in your life.

You have kids right? Raising them to be upright and godly decent folk is one way of having purpose, I suppose. I guess it comes down to finding what you were put on this earth to do and go do it. I've struggled with that one a lot myself.

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Originally posted by: Darth Chaltab
Accumulation of stuff is never really fulfilling. Like you said, you have to have some sort of purpose in your life.


Otherwise, you might end up like Patrick Bateman. PM me if you don't get the reference.

Princess Leia: I happen to like nice men.
Han Solo: I'm a nice man.

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I understand your feelings, JediSage, but I belive those are in fact good news, as such self-discoveries lead to a further development of our minds. This emptiness, or void, is an ilusion based on how we see ourselves, not of what we own or actually do. What I advise you, at this moment, is to let go of a search for material belongings and to let go of a search for an absolute perfection. That dosen't mean you must just quit capitalism, that means that you will not buy things to fill that void. And it dosen't mean you should resign of doing what is good and right, and instead focus on what you can do. You shouldn't compare yourself to the Pope, as he was, in fact, the Pope, and had a lot of help accomplishing what he did. Try to do something for your local comunity, or even better, for people close to you. Try to make your surroundings better in a peaceful and harmonic way, and you'll see how better you'll feel.
“Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country.” — Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering
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Originally posted by: JediSage
Something has changed with me today.

I went into a book store during my lunch hour. One of the ones that is a national chain...one that sells a lot of other stuff besides books. As I was walking the ailes, nothing appealed to me. I thought this was strange because I am a book junkie. I can't get enough, and I've got books to keep me reading for the next 10 years at home. I perused just about every rack in the store, hoping to find something that would strike my fancy. Nothing.

Ok, how about the calendars? No. Knick-knacks? Nada. Candy/coffee/cakes? Nope. I realized that I am empty. The accumulation of "things" in my life has lead me to a dead end. Nothing I look at today can give me purpose, or fill the void I'm feeling right now.

This began, I think, as a result of me doing some reading on Pope John Paul II on Wikipedia today. When I look at his accomplishments, at the life he lived, and the difference he made, it makes me ashamed to think that I have done nothing to help ease some of the suffering in this world.

As a Christian, I believe that this world will never be "right" until the second coming (I'm only stating my belief...not inviting an argument over religion), and that I have not lived my life according to my faith. I'm feeling a deep yearning to do something about it. To try to help in some way, but I'm not sure how. I feel lost.



I am a Christian too. I think the best advice I can give you is to pray about it. Ask God for some guidance and hopefully he will give it to you in some way. I believe that God has already shown you something in the bookstore. All I know is that if you don't ask, you won't get, so ask God for help. I think what it was was God convicting you, so don't let guilt weigh you down, just ask God to forgive you and help you change. He only convicts us 'cause he cares about us, and he wants us to have a fulfilling life. He doesn't want you to feel guilty about it. He doesn't want you to have a void in your life. He wants to be part of your life, and he wants to help you live it to the full.

I think the problem with being a Christian in a capitalist society is that we can forget that everything that we've been given is not ours. It's only temporary, and somewhere along the line, it all came from God. And like the three servants with the talents, our master has given us gifts and resources to use, and one day he will return to see what we have done with those resources. I think that includes money and material possessions. So we should be responsible with what we have, but also generous, so that we don't value it higher than we should, and because we have it in perspective: money and material possessions will not go with us when we die. You have come to a very important crossroad in your life. You're coming to a realisation of what's really important. And what's really important is getting right with God, doing good things for other people, and filling that void in your life. Work on the first two, and the other will come. I hope that helps, bro.
MTFBWY. Always.

http://www.myspace.com/red_ajax
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Discuss this with your minister, and if venting to a psychologist isn't comfortable, perhaps a pastoral counselor may be more appropriate. At the end of the day, we're all a bunch of schmoes on some chat board -- we shouldn't be the real things in your life -- and I doubt any of us are qualified for genuine advice.

That said, here I go anyway. Mission work is always a good option -- depending on the ties may or may not exist in your life -- for feeling productive for the right things. This country needs a LOT of help in the Gulf Coast still. Depending on your church, there is probably some local area mission team you could join for even a small stint that could get you doing something productive with your faith. That may lead to other callings, but take one step at a time.

Churches need rebuilding down there. Homeless shelters need to be built too. After all, the homeless had nowhere to go when everything was obliterated.

They need a lot of THINGS there too, but I'm talking the essentials. Houses. Water. Toothpaste. Band-Aids. The things we take for granted. And money to buy things as well. And while you could sell everything you have and nobly donate it all, you may actually better serve by helping to raise money, putting in what you feel is an appropriate amount. Organize a fundraiser for those who are still suffering. Perhaps a churchwide auction or bake sale or clothing drive. Lots of summer stuff got donated to relief efforts in September, but now three months later they need warmer things when people are forgetting. It may be warmer in the gulf coast during winter, but it's not always HOT.

These are all things that could give you a better sense of purpose when bombarded by the messages of gross materialism that have overridden the true spirit of Christmas.

The main thing is to find something positive and constructive. The opportunities are there and the need is great. It's much better than allowing yourself to slip into a depression or worse. Your emotions are valid. Your faith is an advantage. The avenues are present and your minister is probably best-suited to help you find some real purpose.

Best of luck, and God Bless.
I am fluent in over six million forms of procrastination.
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Sage, I wonder if you would mind e-mailing me or signing up on MSN messenger so we can proparly chat. I have been feeling like you for a long time, and yesterday I realised that I have reverted to my old cynical, hateful ways. It happened because I was tidying up and I found a journal that I was writing this time last year. I started writing the journal as a way of consolidating my thougts and feelings and making sense of them. As I read the journal I realsied that a lot of the personal discoveries I made during the course of writing had once again been lost. This morning I vowed to get back onto the path and trybto make my life and the life of others better but I don't know how. And to top it off I am at this very moment involved in an e-mail debate with a friend of mine and his ol;der brother who both work corporate office jobs and are telling me I'm a fool to even think like this and I should just shut up and join them and the rest of the world in the pursuit of riches and sex. And that whole post was a rambling mess. Fuck I need to do something. Signing off.

War does not make one great.

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One of the things I want to be cautious about is that I don't want to help out of a desire to help myself feel better. Unfortunately, I know a lot of people who do charitable things in order to feel better about themselves, not to actually help the overall situation.

I spoke to a friend after I wrote the initial post yesterday. I work with him and he used to be the manager of our homeless outreach program. The money for the program dried up and yesterday he was telling me that he feels the same way I do, and that during the program he would go out into the woods and onto the streets and pull people to shelters and get them help. He feels frustrated that he's no longer doing this type of work and the need is so great.

I have at times thought about maybe working at a shelter or opening my own to try to help out, but I'm not sure I'm cut out for that type of thing.
Nemo me impune lacessit

http://ttrim.blogspot.com
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Speaking from experience, start small and find out what you're good at. Even if it's as simple as helping a buddy move out of his home, you'll be surprised how good helping others makes you feel.
You talked about opening a shelter. Try volunteering at one first and see if you're cut out for it.
I know I get frustrated when I don't have the time to help out others, and having moved twice in the last 3 years, I don't have the same sense of community I used to have, but I'm working on it.
I have a friend who volunteers at a pro bono legal clinic twice a month. When I'm called to the bar, I'm definitely going to give that a shot.

Princess Leia: I happen to like nice men.
Han Solo: I'm a nice man.

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A LOT OF PEOPLE GO THROUGH THIS AROUND THIS TIME OF YEAR OR ONCE THEY HAVE HIT A CERTAIN AGE. THERE'S NO SURE-FIRE ANSWER FOR YOU, BECAUSE THOUGH MANY GO THROUGH THIS EVERYBODY IS DIFFERENT. FINDING INNER PEACE AND SELF WORTH IS PROBABLY THE MOST DIFFICULT THING TO ACCOMPLISH. IF YOU FEEL THAT YOU HAVEN'T ACCOMPLISHED MUCH IN YOUR LIFE THEN MAKE A LIST OF WHAT YOU HAVE DONE NO MATTER HOW TRIVIAL YOU MIGHT THINK IT IS. YOU'LL FIND OUT THAT YOU'VE ACTUALLY ACCOMPLISHED MUCH. ALSO, DON'T COMPARE YOUR PERSONAL ACCOMPLISHMENTS TO SOMEBODY ELSE'S.

"I'VE GROWN TIRED OF ASKING, SO THIS WILL BE THE LAST TIME..."
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